Easy Cooking for Honkys

Maybe I'll get to bang Rachel Ray

Ramen Noodle

For many, ramen noodle is the food you eat when you're either too poor to afford other food or too lazy to cook something else (if you even cook it at all). While this stigma is wholly deserved and we should look down on the college students who subsist off it with the utmost contempt, by adding a few simple ingredients you can transform your shame soup into something to be posted about on music forums.

Here's what you'll need

Vegetables - I often use carrots, celery, corn, and mushrooms
Two Packets of Ramen
1 to 2 Hot Peppers - Again I'll leave this to your personal preference, I usually use jalapenos or pickled banana peppers
Meat - I usually use pork because pork is amazing and cheap

Start by seasoning your meat with whatever you want. I tried this 5 Spice thing and it came out alright, but I think next time I'll go back to using your basic salt/pepper and lime (for pork at least). Heat up a skillet and start cooking the meat until brown on both sides (cooked fully through if you're cooking pork or chicken for health reasons).

While your meat is cooking, start chopping up your vegetables. I usually do mine at a 45 degree angle cut because it looks badass (much like holding a handgun sideways when you cap some punkass bitch). As with much Asian cooking, you'll want your cuts to be small, as this helps the vegetables cook faster while boiling, if you haven't already gotten your water or stock boiling, you'll want to do this now.

Your meat should be cooked through by now so take it off the skillet and start chopping it up into squares or longer strips, your preference. Once the water starts boiling add your noodles, add the MSG loaded flavor packets, your veggies, and your meat then go crack a cold one and head off for a wank (wash up afterwards for gods sake).

Stir occasionally to make sure the noodles don't congeale into one delicious lump, and when they're soft and your veggies are cooked, enjoy your cheap meal you sad bastard.

Does anyone know how to make a delicious omelette? I only have milk, eggs, cheese, bacon, cold meat (gammon), mushrooms and not a lot else. I have only made cheese omelettes before so I don't even know how to put stuff in it, in Mexico the chick who made my omelettes mixed everything up with a spoon, but I tried her method (no milk also) and it failed hard.

Spanish omelette. Eggs, potatoes, onions.


marco pierre white omelette - YouTube

I know you said you don't have potatoes but you could cook this in future :o:

I will try, strangely sounds good.


Also my omelette was top quality.

Has anyone got any recipes for chips (reasonably simple)? I fried some in goose fat for my Christmas dinner, added some minced garlic and herbs but felt they could have been better, would like something a bit spicy. Gonna make some burgers in a bit, got some mince from the butcher.

It is 5*. The potatoes add a sweetness to the eggs. I eat this for breakfast a lot.

The trick to making homemade chips (or French Fries) is to boil the potato slices before you put them in the oven, that way they get nice and fluffy as they bake. As for making them spicy, that's going to depend on what you season them with. I use this salt called "Vulcan's Fire Salt" on my roasts on occasion and it gives them a nice bit of heat to them. I've never tried it on homemade fries though so I don't know how it would turn out.

Thanks mate. Right I'll try that, could you use something like paprika on them do you reckon? And maybe rub the chips in olive oil after boiling them and before putting them in the oven to make them crispier on the outside?

Stupid question alert but is "Vulcan's Fire Salt" salty in taste? :o:

Yes I think paprika mixed with some garlic salt, and onion salt will make a nice spicy uh... spice for your chips. That Vulcan Fire Salt was something I picked up at a rib cook off so I don't know how easy it is to track down, but yes it is salty to the taste.

Yes also to using the olive oil after the boiler process. Basically just cut them up into strips, boil them for about 5-7 minutes, not long enough to fully cook them, but enough to start the process, take them out and arrange them on a cookie sheet. Brush on some olive oil, then take your paprika, onion salt and garlic salt mixture and sprinkle it on them, making sure you get all sides, then put them in the over at 425 for about 20-25 minutes.

Anyone know any good seasonings or dips to go with sweet potato fries?