Why Friends Don't Support Friends
 

A friend and I were talking a few days ago. We live in the suburbs outside fo LA, not necessarily a hot bed for creative talent. I rap, He's into film, and we're both trying to get our "careers" off the ground. During our talk we started wondering, why is it that people support these stars who they've never met, but they can't support the guy who they grow up with? It seems that, the more you know about a person, the less interested you are by them. Maybe we're fascinated by what we don't know. So what do you guys think? Is what I'm saying true? Why can't we captivate our friends the way these stars can?

because it could ruin the friendship

/thread

Jealousy, competition, stuff like that.. Everyone wants to be a little better than their friends. Some of my best friends have probably never even listened to my rap songs, which is pretty pathetic, but I'd rather have it like that as opposed to all my friends blindly loving everything I do. When people say I got skills, I know they mean it. Cause I know a lot of people out there making music (other rappers) who sounds like garbage with no lyrics or flow and their buddies will be all over them after every song.

Because it's easier to appreciate art when you can separate it from the artist.

Because you're not putting out bb!

this just blew my mind. haha, that's so true. so true man. so what do you suggest, as an artist trying to grow their fan base, we forget the people we know and go after those who don't know us? If our friends become fans, then that's just icing on top

what do you mean by "bb?"

At first, knowing Vanilla even as little as I do, I thought she meant butts and boobs. But now I think she means bitches and brews!

I think you are right that we're sometimes more fascinated with people we don't know well. Also, it may be that when you know a creative person well, you may get to see the slow process of creating, the wrong notes, the weird chords, rather than just the slick end result. So, it is easier not to be in awe of their creations.

I think a big factor may just be the influence of peer pressure, a group mentality: if you hear that someone else appreciates someone (an artist, a movie-maker), then you may be more likely to appreciate the art than if it were being created by an unknown, Joe Blow, who lives right next to you and scratches his rump as he takes out the trash.

In other words, fame makes a person even more famous, which makes her or him more famous still as people are affected by other people's appreciation of the artist.

A perfect example of this is when some great violinist plays in a subway after having just performed in a huge theater for which tickets were extravagantly expensive. Do people stop and appreciate his skill? Do they give him quarters? No. They walk by one of the best violinists in the world, completely ignoring him and not really appreciating the music (apparently).

Here's the video of Joshua Bell not being noticed as he performs in a D.C. subway. He was ignored except by one person who recognized him:



I am not sure if it is universally true that friends aren't supportive, though. But I can think of one other reason friends may not be as supportive or appreciative of your creative endeavors. They really may just dislike what you are creating. And I do think people may be more likely to be critical of something...or someone...they know well.

For example, my parents are, well, shall I say, "underwhelmed" by anything musical that I do. My dad says my music is abominable. He can hardly stand to listen to it without deriding the distorted guitar. My mom says my lyrics are nice but I should "consult with someone" to make the music "prettier."

So, I have to accept that my parents and I have different tastes and they will never be my #1 fans! In a way this is good, though, because I have had to ask myself why I want their approval and support anyway. It is probably healthier for me if I don't wish for their support, because then I take responsibility for whether I like what I do or not regardless what any other person in the world thinks.

I disagree with Janszoon that people often appreciate art more when it is separated from the artist. If I like some art, I like to try to figure out more about the person who made it so that I can link the art back to the artist and realize they are one.

But then you won't be searching for a human being, like your friends and neighbours. You'll be delving into the world of a mythical entity of some sort, something above all that's human.

Well, say someone is dead, like Vivaldi. I can still enjoy learning about him as a person to understand more about his inspirations and thoughts behind his music, very much wishing I could search for the human being he no longer is. But learning about him from a distance is all I can do, since he's dead.

For me, learning about a musician isn't an attempt to create a mythical entity but to find the human under the hype.

And I very much like to learn about living musicians...people who are friends or acquaintances...and see how their lives influence their music. That's why I'm one of the biggest fans, if not the biggest, of the Songwriter Section here on MB. I always try to encourage musicians I know, especially when their music moves me. ;) Whether a person is famous (yet) or not makes no difference to me, UB.

I suppose I'm bound by my shortcomings.

Bah. I don't believe it. Shortcomings? What shortcomings?!

Bah.

My view is if there is something someone wishes to do differently or to learn, there is always hope...at least until he is dead. And you're not dead! :)

Also, no one ever knows the future for sure (other than the death part). So you never know how you might develop musically! Maybe your perception of shortcomings is exactly where you need to focus your attention to overcome them.

Well, I was talking about something like jealously or a small amount of self loathing keeping me from caring about other musicians once I'm sure they're more similar to me than I thought.

Speaking from a musical standpoint, I would think some of the reasons are because of jealously, their not really a true friend, or the friend they should be supporting is awful as a musician. I myself, still encourage untalented musicians because, of their love for music, and as their friend it is my obligation to encourage and support whatever valid endeaver they choose to pursue in life period.
Give them the patience and persistence to pursue their ambitions. Without financial support, many talented young musicians will not have the chance to follow their dreams and bring music to our ears. Its takes ongoing efforts to support and promote exceptional talent.

A lot of my friends are musicians, and I do support them in my way, but no matter how talented they are, I don't really get as excited about their music as I do by the music of others. It's nothing against them, and it's nothing to do completely with the fact that I know them exactly.

For me, it's because they always play songs they're working on, and ask for advice, opinion, etc. Musicians I don't know aren't doing this to me, and I can just appreciate their music for what it is without them asking if the chord changes were smooth enough, if I thought they should change the key of the song, etc.

I'm willing to help them out, and it doesn't bother me, but when a song gets broken down so that it's in separate pieces and I have to deal with things such as the production or technical aspects of the song, it loses its charm a little bit. I do admire technical skill, and will observe interesting changes / time signatures on songs, but that's on my own time and not as a request.

Honestly, if Trey Anastasio from Phish came up to me and asked me about his choice of strum pattern in a song, it would lose its novelty to me, and I'd never be able to listen to the song the same way again.

The musicians I know, with the exception of one friend, aren't especially talented. That one friend is doing extremely well right now. I support his music, because I enjoy his music. There are limits to my support when I don't actually like a person's work.

This is very true and is the reason I got out of producing. It's also the reason I've kind of stopped really producing my own music, because spending hours trying to perfect a chord progression's timing is just awful and makes me hate writing songs.

I mean there's still the enjoyment of creation, but I'd rather leave the tweaking and fine tuning to someone else.

Oh.

Exactly, I quite hate having to perfect something, it makes the whole thing so technical, so boring. Much like when you analyse a poem formally.

:/

The bolded part is right on I think... I know even with myself, my room mates and friends would hear unfinished verses, lame rhymes and stuff all the time as I was trying to piece together a song. I might record 5 songs but use pieces of each song to make one finished product that I really love instead of 5 mediocre ones. And I think if your friends see and hear all of the inner workings that goes into making music, it takes the awe out of the finished product.

Liking artists is always a conversational type thing too.. Like you're getting to know someone, and you're like "You ever listen to (insert popular artist)?" and just the fact that the other person knows who they are starts a conversation.. If you are like "you should listen to my buddy who raps," they don't know the person really is and a lot of people kinda assume it's gonna be ****ty.

Google "Tall Poppy Syndrome"

Will give you all the answers you need.

Because it's hard to take someone's art seriously when you know that they used to wet the bed up to the age of 10 and/or would cry when their mother would give them the wrong sandwiches.