ITT: We get philosophy/Science wrong
 

So yeah, Descartes, "I think therefore I am", and I'm just like, you are what? Come on man, don't leave me hanging! What are you?

"Cogito, ergo sum" is Descarte's solution to the problem of external-world skepticism. His reasoning is that his body and brain might not exist, but he can know that at the very least his mind exists because he's performing an act of metacognition.

I'm fully aware of Cogito Ergo sum. This thread is satirical. You're supposed to get it WRONG.

Edit: Although actually, by doing that, and explaining it correctly, you did the thread wrong...which would mean what you did was right. ****, this got meta quickly.

well, **** me

The theory of evolution is completely wrong. I mean, how can a monkey transform into a man over the course of seven million years, the course ending about 200,000 years ago? Scientists refuse to explain how a monkey could transform into a human over it's lifetime, and they also refuse to explain how a monkey could be alive for seven million years. I read that the average monkey lives to be about 30 years old. It's impossible for a monkey to be seven-million years old.

(Don't worry, don't worry. I know this is satire. I understand the theory of evolution. I shouldn't have to idiot-proof this, but the sad thing is, I know I have to.)

I'm still confused by your argument, especially the last part? wat?

I've seen this before. Classic.

According to the theory of evolution, a monkey once lived for seven-million years. In that time period, he transformed from a monkey into a human, thus, creating mankind. He died around the time he turned into a human, around 200,000 years ago. I'm arguing that this is impossible. Are you getting me now?

And all this time, all that was needed to convince me of divine creation was to use a jar of peanut butter. They got me.

God damn, I wish a monkey jumped out of that jar at him.