A Sobering Thought

right-track · 11-18-2010, 12:15 PM

MANCHESTER UNINHABITABLE BY SPRING
16-11-10
GREATER Manchester will be 500 square miles of smouldering hellhole by April, say experts.

What will the future hold for fashionable city centre apartment blocks like this one?

As Manchester police face cuts of 3,000 officers, many fear that the whole area could become little more than a nasal-sounding Liverpool.

Criminologist Wayne Hayes said: "It's going to be like when the levees broke in New Orleans, only instead of rainwater it'll be bandy-legged little shites with an intense, Gollum-esque desire to rob you.

"To put it into perspective, if the proposed ratio of crime to officer in Manchester is replicated across the country, most villages will be left with half a truncheon in a plastic box."

Manchester police chief Roy Hobbs has given the remaining officers special leave to say goodbye to their families and make peace with their respective gods before the workforce is reduced and they are overwhelmed.

Hobbs will then give a final rallying speech to the doomed officers from the back of a Landrover before tossing a load of Crimestoppers leaflets into the melee and heading for the Cotswolds at top speed.

He said: "I just hope our descendants can forgive us for what we are about to do here and that one day a flower can grow again in Moss Side without it being punched and then set on fire.

"But the ultimate fear is that the Manchester super-cell of thieving bastard could meet with the long established Liverpool one, creating a perfect storm of scrote that breaks free from its Northern moorings and threatens to engulf the entire country with TK Maxx tracksuits and sallow-faced burglary." The Daily Mash

ravenRAWRRR · 11-18-2010, 12:20 PM

wooow... that rlly suuucks...

The Fascinating Turnip · 11-18-2010, 01:11 PM

I went to Greater Manchester once. I was like, hey, and they were like, cough it up, and I was like, ok, and they were like, gone.

So bummed out. Rly sucks.

TheBig3 · 11-18-2010, 03:26 PM

Sorry to hear it my friend. If you need a couch, you're always welcome in Boston.

Alpha · 11-19-2010, 02:07 PM

Yeah that sounds simply awful...

Go Canada!

~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ · 11-19-2010, 06:07 PM

You may need...

11-18-2010, 12:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	A Sobering Thought MANCHESTER UNINHABITABLE BY SPRING 16-11-10 GREATER Manchester will be 500 square miles of smouldering hellhole by April, say experts. What will the future hold for fashionable city centre apartment blocks like this one? As Manchester police face cuts of 3,000 officers, many fear that the whole area could become little more than a nasal-sounding Liverpool. Criminologist Wayne Hayes said: "It's going to be like when the levees broke in New Orleans, only instead of rainwater it'll be bandy-legged little shites with an intense, Gollum-esque desire to rob you. "To put it into perspective, if the proposed ratio of crime to officer in Manchester is replicated across the country, most villages will be left with half a truncheon in a plastic box." Manchester police chief Roy Hobbs has given the remaining officers special leave to say goodbye to their families and make peace with their respective gods before the workforce is reduced and they are overwhelmed. Hobbs will then give a final rallying speech to the doomed officers from the back of a Landrover before tossing a load of Crimestoppers leaflets into the melee and heading for the Cotswolds at top speed. He said: "I just hope our descendants can forgive us for what we are about to do here and that one day a flower can grow again in Moss Side without it being punched and then set on fire. "But the ultimate fear is that the Manchester super-cell of thieving bastard could meet with the long established Liverpool one, creating a perfect storm of scrote that breaks free from its Northern moorings and threatens to engulf the entire country with TK Maxx tracksuits and sallow-faced burglary." The Daily Mash

11-18-2010, 12:20 PM	#2 (permalink)
ravenRAWRRR Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: In a car under water... Posts: 82	wooow... that rlly suuucks... __________________ "Flip my world inside out, honestly I like it better this way. When I mesh the night through the back of my eyes."

11-18-2010, 03:26 PM	#4 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	Sorry to hear it my friend. If you need a couch, you're always welcome in Boston. __________________ I've moved to a new address

11-19-2010, 02:07 PM	#5 (permalink)
Alpha Groupie Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 4	Yeah that sounds simply awful... Go Canada! __________________ I'm Justin

11-18-2010, 01:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
The Fascinating Turnip Moper Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 510	I went to Greater Manchester once. I was like, hey, and they were like, cough it up, and I was like, ok, and they were like, gone. So bummed out. Rly sucks.

11-19-2010, 06:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
~~someonecompletelyrandom~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 4,538	You may need...