Quote:
Originally Posted by blastingas10
(Post 1176703)
Anyone ever been in a relationship with an older woman (like 4 or 5 years older) who has a kid?
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Mrd00d is right, generally speaking don't do this. Fact of the matter is, the child and BOTH of their parents will always be a factor (unless one or both are horrible people in which case you should AVOID). Another red flag is the fact that you say the child lives with their father, generally speaking that's a concern, how responsible / mature is this actual mother? That's really the thing here, you're talking about dating a MOM. Unfortunately for you if she's a worthwhile mother then you should always be 2nd fiddle to her baby if push comes to shove. If she's not a worthwhile mother then you're going to be dealing with all sorts of drama and emotional baggage (and likely some form of manipulation / mental abuse).
The age difference can be pretty substantial too, especially if it's between early and late 20s, but the addition of a child is a completely different league. On the other hand, just because she has a child doesn't always mean she wants you as replacement father, but in these cases do recognize that you're little more than a temporary plaything.
Communication (the challenging, honest and direct kind) is vital in any relationship, but even more so when there's a child involved.
You say you'd give it a try if you had the chance. What is it exactly you want to try? The ONLY thing this woman is offering more than the average single girl you'll meet is a child and the massive pile of stresses and issues that go along with being a single parent with a Ex who will
always be in the picture unless one of them wants to abandon their child. If that sounds appealing to you, you might need therapy, but if not, then do it up I guess :usehead:. Otherwise, say thanks, let her know you're flattered, but that you don't feel that you're mature enough to take on the responsibilities of a relationship with a single parent. Who knows, maybe all she really wants is a friend with benefits while the child is away (in which case, wrap it up and knock yourself out! :thumb:)
Whatever you do, don't lead her (and yourself) on by saying what you think needs to be spoken or whatever misguided 'right' thing rom-coms have drilled into so many heads. Be honest with yourself, then be clear with her. I know it seems selfish to focus on yourself first but ultimately you need to be comfortable with who you are and what you want from a relationship to the point where you can communicate that clearly to your partner before any real intimacy starts happening. Otherwise you'll likely never find yourself in a mutually satisfying successful long term relationship.
