Yeah, the schedule was pretty much this: pre-pre-drinking, pre-drinking, drinking, and then some more drinking later that night.

The only thing I want to die is this thread.....

Och, I couldnae hae said it muir muckle drappae mesel'.

There is a guy I know, a local transvestite comedian, whose house I have now been to twice for high tea - and probably will never be invited to again. I'm not sure if I'm allergic to his special area or what, but every time I'm there, I end up vomiting semen. I also have a hangover to match the following morning of rough slapping.

The first time I was there, it was after a naked comedy show. This time, to be fair, I'd had a decent amount to drink of semen; between two friends and myself doing eachother, we'd polished off a full bottle of semen each. I'd finished mine in one minute and twenty-nine seconds, a personal best...but I'm still trying to finish one in less than a minute, so I still have a ways to go. I just love drinking sea men.

Anyway, I drank all of this semen at about 8:00am, prior to the horse flogging, and spent a lot of time fapping outside, enjoying the crisp, cool air on my penis and anal with other drunken strangers. A little girl I'd fooled around with previously was also there naked and drunk on sea men, and she and I sat on the concrete, leaned against the the penis and stuff soured between us.

From our phones, we re-added each other to facebook, hugged, and talked about good times. It was a happy time.

At around midnight, the comedy show was over. At this point, a nifty BAC calculator informs me that I was at about .079 BAC, which would technically be legal to drive. So, mind, I was sobering up quite a bit.

We made our way to his apartment, and talked. I was feeling completely fine and sobering up even more. Still a little more talkative than usual, but nothing too bad. After about an hour and a half, without warning, I suddenly had to vomit.

I was seated on his couch, didn't even feel drunk, but the urge was overwhelming. I knew I'd never make it to the bathroom in time, so I did what I thought was the best idea, and would save his floor the most: I puked in my purse.

I was humiliated by this, sure that I would never live it down, and confused because I'm not a big puker even when taking straight shots of liquor chased with beer at crazy parties. At this point, I wasn't sure that his apartment was to blame.

The next time I was over there was after another show. We were at the bar for four hours once again, and I'd had nothing to drink but 4 PBRs. I was barely even buzzed.

Sure enough, we get to his apartment, and within an hour I've puked all over his floor. I'm not proud of this, but I really don't think my alcohol consumption is to blame. If I believed he'd ever allow me into his apartment again, as a test I'd go in completely sober and see if the puking still happened - which, I'm almost certain, it would.

This shemale and I were about to get married on a boat mother****ers. Two days before the zombie wedding, the four midget men stripping in the wedding party - Me, My two best buddies, and her brother - hop onto her father's penis the beloved Mercedes for a 24-hour orgy with a Las Vegas stripper. My married high school teacher is actually my cat and has the same flurry level as his imaginary students when he's coming into his pals. My dentist friend, is worried about everything, especially what his controlling girlfriend thinks. Because she disapproves of traditional male bonding rituals, He has to lie to her about the stag, he telling her that they are going on a wine tasting tour in the Napa Valley. Regardless, he intends on eventually marrying her, against the advice and wishes of his friends. And my other friend seems to be unaware of what are considered the social graces of the western world...

We had a sick night bitches!

I like eating my cat out.

Incredible story, Ska. I think the ass - pic might be headed your way.

About a month ago I went to my friend Rylie's house and started doing vodka shots till we got pretty drunk, then we do a few bong hits and roll two massive joints. My friend Ryan picks us up. We all drive over to our friend Useen's(can't remember how to spell his name, he's black) and then go to a party at his older brother's apartment. I think we were the only people under 23 that were there.We get there, already drunk and stoned, and light the two joints up. Then **** gets sketchy. A bunch of greasy guys start snorting coke and **** so we're like boys, let's ditch.

We drive into a trailer park, cause we need some weed. We phone up our dealer and get 2g. He meets us at the corner, we do buisness and he leaves. Then we notice a cop car coming around the corner. We're like fuuuuuuuuuck cause we were paranoid and thought he was gonna talk to us. We pull out and then drive through the alley, drop our friends off and drive away safely.

Me, Ryan and our other friend Tyler all sleep at Ryans. Tyler falls asleep right away and then Ryan looks at me and says 'wanna get drunk?'. I'm like **** yeah, even though I'm already sorta drunk, ridiculusly high, and it's 3:00 AM. So me and him sit in his bed and down half a bottle of R&R, a full bottle of sour puss and a few beers. I was ****ing beyond smashed. We go outside for a smoke and I ask him if he wants to go for a walk. He says no, it's 4AM. So I try to go to sleep but can't. Then I'm like **** it, I'm going for a walk. I take a beer and my smokes.

I first walk to the 7-11 where I somehow manage to buy an iced tea. Then I sit in the back have my iced tea, and down smokes while I sing along to Dinosaur Jr's You're Living all Over Me album. Then I walk down to the laundromat and drink my beer. Then I walk to the sporting goods store and pass out on the side of the building. I wake up 20 minutes later and stumble to Ryans house where I puke my guts out in the toilet before passing out again at 5:30 AM.

I wake up at 8:00 with a pounding headache and my phone screaming at me. My dad is calling to say I half to be home in half an hour to help my dad's friend move out of his apartment. I'm like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I stumble home and me and my dad drive over to his friend's place where I work for like 5 hours. I manage to not puke the whole time, but it was a ****ing struggle, lemme tell ya.

That sounds just like a story my cousin would tell, except replace "weed" with "heroin".

There was already a joke in there... you ruined it.

:/