Let The Domestic Goddess Help You!
 

As one of the more senior members on the forum and now a widowed father of two and holding down a job as a chef I feel it is only fair to dispense some of my wisdom to help in your day to day life. Some tips will be extremely beneficial and some tips will be a complete waste of time if you are a pot noodle eating student.

No pictures of me in an apron or frilly gloves luckily as that only occurs on a Sunday with the curtains closed ;)

Does your abode smell like cat's pee/last nights pizza/days old underwear or a dutch café in summer? Then fear not, the cure is here. Spray air fresheners, cheap liquid gel air fresheners or Neutradol block air fresheners not doing the job? Then get yourself some tumble dryer sheets. They are cheap, plentiful and don't smell like lager. Place them in discreet places such as underneath sofa's, wardrobes, behind the T.V or on top of high shelf's.

You don't have to spray supermarket flavour of the month spray air fresheners that cost far too much and you don't have to scrub and clean last weeks drink stains out of the carpet. You may have a problem if the other half/mother in law finds strategically placed white tissues around the place and wonders what the hell you have been up to but the pleasant aroma should more than make up for this.

Of course if you like the smell of stale alcohol and week old kebabs then you are a dirty slob and no amount of free beer will make me want to visit your home.

New tip coming soon so please tune in.

Dude, my cat peed on my bed the other day. How the hell do you get that **** outta the mattress?!

Get a litter box

Get rid of the mattress, buy a new one and get rid of the cat.

On a side note, Jack you can put the laundry sheets in the end of a toilet paper roll and tape it in place and blow out the end of it to create a spray like effect. I do that when i wanna smoke out cause my girlfriend hates the pot smell.

Unfortunately the cat is sick (renal failure and possibly cancer), so he's sorta going loopy, so he pees and ****s pretty much everywhere.

Oh, we got a millionaire up in here. ;)

Great thread!

But what is a tumble dryer sheet?

You know, a sheet of fabric softener.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_evd06qPOjk...icSoftener.jpg

Don't think I've ever seen those in Norway. Here, fabric softener always comes in the shape of some liquid.

Won't the sheet wrinkle up and get lost somewhere inside a sock or a sweater only to show up in some annoying way later on?

Sometimes. Most of the times it's no biggie though. And on the plus side, you just put your clothes in the dryer, grab a sheet, throw it in, and presto, soft, nice smelling clothes.

I have Bounce dryer sheets placed all over our apartment -- inside pillow casings, in drawers, in between couch seat cushions, on shelves. I also have a liking for liquid fabric softener and use it to excess in the wash. Our house smells like a strange combination of fabric softener and Shanthimalai Nag Champa incense (which I burn in an incense holder encased in large ceramic bowl, on top of the refrigerator!). :)

http://product.expotv.com/2/3/3/233786_100x100.jpg + http://i.ebayimg.com/t/Nag-Champa-In...M!eQ~~0_35.JPG

I'm just wondering how this thread is gonna turn into sex. (Please don't see this as encouragement to post about sex, I'd rather it be organic.)

The sad reality is that if your cat is beginning to lose control of his bodily functions you probably need to get one of those cages and let him out only when feeding and changing. I know it's horrible and your heart will break, but I had to do it with our cat --- admittedly, there were four other cats in the house, but still, you can't cope with them going to the toilet everywhere. Ours lasted six months approx then we had to take the heart-rending decision to end it for her. Toughest six months for a long time.

But you don't have to make it like a prison for the cat. Play with him through the bars, let him out for exercise (garden?) and always give him attention as you go by the cage, so he doesn't think he's being punished.

Alternatively, you could just make the Big Decision now. The point to bear in mind is what quality of life your cat has at the moment? Is it worth prolonging his life, suffering even, if he's suffering, or just bite the bullet and do what's best for the cat? What does your vet say?

@ Batlord

I have to agree with Trollheart on this one. Once your cat starts to lose control over their bodily fluids you either need to contain them, or euthanize them. It's fucking hard, but if you let it continue you can kiss your damage deposit goodbye, and may even get hit with the fees to replace the carpet. That's what happened to my mum and I once back in Vancouver and it was a really bad time.

Fabric softener liquid is the best bet. It seems to neutralise the odour pretty well and you only need a capful. You can use a homemade concoction of citrus juices and water and spray that in common places where your cat may pee as they REALLY hate citrus smells but a cat peeing anywhere other than the litter tray can mean many things. If they are not neutered and an indoor cat they could be marking their territory/horny or have a bladder infection (fairly common in cats) so make sure you check out their behaviour closely and hope that they are just in a horny phase which will pass.

Never EVER rub their faces in their mess like you can with a dog to command respect because cats are like modern day celebrities, the more you rub their nose in their apparent failings the more they will defy you and leave an obnoxious present for you the next day (cat's leave more pee, celebrities leave even more ****).

Side note to your side note. Do not ever -EVER!!!- use a dryer sheet to try masking the smell of your fresh (not yet smoked) pot. I had a bag of really stinky stuff once, I took a separate ziplock bag, placed a dryer sheet in it, placed the stinky bag into that. So there was still a layer of plastic between the dryer sheet and the pot. Does not matter, your pot will smell and taste like dryer sheet :eek:

He's not doing it constantly, he generally goes to the bathroom outside. And he's still eating, he's up and about, and doesn't appear to be in pain, so we're playing it by ear, but yeah, he's gonna have to be put to sleep soon.

I want my room to stop smelling damp, please help!

Close your legs

Well somebody keeps opening them!!

I need something to suck up all the moisture...

Don't you have anything like "Damp Rid" over there? And no, there's NOT an "e" missing after "rid"! It's like a small container with crystals in it, you tear off the silver foil opening, put the lid back on, and over time it collects the moisture in the bottom of the box. When it's full you just fling it out. They're very cheap over here (about 3 euro) and last a good few weeks.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...eV-OWYjCWqFL6Q

Well that looks good I'll go to the supermarket this week and get something similar, thank you! :)

Get warmer water, vinegar, a bucket, rubber glovesand sponge, blotch out the stain using warm water and vinegar applied with a sponge, let it air out then flip over the mattress.

Will that get the smell out too? I'm assuming the vinegar will neutralize it at least a little bit.

Well, to anyone who cares, my cat died last night. I just buried him in the front yard a couple hours ago and my mom planted an Azalea bush on top.

**** man, so sorry. It hurts so much when one of your pets has to go. At least you didn't have the heartache of having to watch the vet put him to sleep. You have my sympathy. Seriously. I love cats.
:(

Nice thread idea, Domestic God.

And I agree absolutely about never rubbing a cat's face in her urine. One of my sad memories is that when I was a child, my cat starting peeing in corners of the basement and my mom rubbed the cat's face in the urine. I can remember my poor cat trying to pull her face away and my mom holding her around the neck and body, forcing the cat's nose down into the urine. :( My mom thought she was doing the right thing to "train" the cat, but it obviously wasn't.

In retrospect, I think my cat may have had a urinary track problem and/or I wasn't cleaning her kitty litter box enough when I was a child and it was my responsibility to do so. Poor little cat. I failed to protect her. :(

I'm sorry your cat died last night, Batlord. It sounds very sudden. I hope he didn't suffer. I still miss my cat years later. Her name was Sunshine.

Nag Champa incense smells wonderful, Liz! I never burn it, but I have some stored in a closet where I keep financial files.

I've found out that this is a good way to make bill paying more pleasant. Whenever I have to pay a bill, I think, "Groan!"...but when I open up the closet, I think..."Ahhh!" :) I've actually started to look forward to paying bills (just a little) because it is an excuse to open up the closet and let that marvelous "Nag Champa" scent and the associated nice memories of the giver wash over me. He called it "Good stuff" and it really is. :)

I'm so sorry, I totally know what it's like to lose cats, I'm still mourning over them. :(

Sorry to hear about your cat Batlord.

As for damp smells (apart from the closing of your legs obviously pointed out in this thread ;) ), there are very few remedies for this problem. If you have uPVC windows in the room you can buy mildew remover and spray it on the windowsill but this will only stop the problem for a little while and not remove the actual smell.

To alleviate the smell, white vinegar in a small bowl is good. When you are out open a window. It may be cold when you get back but hot air versus cold air in the room intensifies damp smells so keeping alternating temperatures to a bare minimum helps.

Next instalment is how to cook the perfect roast chicken, fecking exciting I know but your parents will be impressed when you invite them around on a Sunday afternoon for Lunch just before you ask them for that loan that you have been putting off.

Thanks dudes. He didn't really suffer, but he had been getting weaker for a long time, and the last few days he just went downhill, so it wasn't unexpected. We had actually had an appointment to put him to sleep the next day.

As promised, the perfect way to cook a chicken and it's as easy as Madonna in the 80's.

A few simple steps and no fussy preparation is needed.

1) Preheat your oven. This is a prerequisite. ALWAYS preheat your oven no matter what you are cooking in the oven. 160 c (around 320f or gas mark 3)
2) Place the chicken in a decent sized oven proof pan and prepare it accordingly. I baste it it in a little warmed up butter and salt and pepper. Nothing more. A knob of butter over the breast and more inside the cavity.
3) Wrap the chicken in cooking foil and cook for one hour without disturbance.
4) Remove the foil, baste the whole chicken with the juices in the pan and put back in the oven.
5) Cook the chicken for another hour basting it every 20 minutes with the juices.
6) Remove the chicken and cut into the breast near to the edge of the pan as possible and see if it the juices run clear. For a small to decent sized Medium chicken (2 to 6 pounds) it will almost always be cooked already but if not check back every 5 mins or so.
7) Once cooked, remove from oven, cover with foil and leave for 10 mins and then remove foil and allow to cool.
8) Perfect Chicken!

It all boils down to this: Cook for an hour covered in foil (to allow the inside to be cooked) and one hour without the foil ( to get a decent colour and not dry out).

A simple roast chicken can be a thing of beauty if you do it right and if you can't then you really are a ****wit.

I just hawk around Morrisons rotsirettre at around about 8pm when they're reducing full roast chickens to £1.
Still warm, and you can pick up different types of seasoned chicken, i.e. Chinese, roast, BBQ.
It's not just chicken, hawking around bakery aisles for reduced cakes/breads and picking up fine food for pennies used to consume my monday nights before I got back to playing football.

Lazy bastard! but I get where you are coming from. So much food is wasted it's a crime not to grab it but every man should know how to cook even if it's just basic ****.

That preheating thing has always confused me. Preheat for how long? What's a decent time to wait before you lob the chicken in? And isn't it supposed to go in upside down first or something? What about washing it beforehand? Though now apparently that's not advised... :confused:

Preheat until your oven has reached the desired temperature for baking. On most models this only takes about 5 minutes or so, but stick a thermometer probe in there just to make sure. "Preheating" is just the process of your oven heating up from 0 degrees to whatever. So if you stick the food in there right away, it will be undercooked when you take it out and you'll have to cook it longer.

If you wait 15-20 minutes, you're good. Thermometers take effort anyways.

I'm so sorry to hear this, the loss of any pet is absolutely devastating. I still get really upset when I think about my old dog. She was a massive part of the family :(.

It's always sad to lose a pet, how old was he/she?

Not sure. He was from a shelter, so of course he was two years old when we got him, but we're pretty sure he was older. He's got a brother who's starting to get weaker, but he's still fine for now. Probably got a few years ahead of him.