you're not a pussy at all. you're in a situation most people won't be able to properly understand. i think mord might be right in some regards with his last post. i know the last thing you probably want to do is speak with her, but if you feel bad for her situation, striking up a conversation wouldn't be the worst idea possible. maybe offer her some lunch or something, i don't know, but i'm sure under these circumstances she could use the help.

By doing what? Giving her a place to stay? Give her money? My compassion? I don't think you really understand what she put me through. You don't have to deal with this because of your current situation, so its very easy to say what you say from the sidelines.

Fair enough. Easier said than done. "You must do what you think is right, of course." Compassion is a good start. Maybe if you go up to her, talk to her, ask her if you can help out with anything (within your means), that act of compassion may open the door to something.

I'm on your side Ki. LiL made her bed.

Here's a recent text message conversation between my ex and I.

her: How are you?
Me: Go **** yourself
Her: Oh come on. I want to talk. I miss you
Me: Yeah, well I miss your cunt. that's it.

I don't concern myself with her because my life is in tatters that I don't need to be rekindling the past to only realize how much I miss her.

Your life isn't in the best situation pal. Instead of thinking about her, you need to think about how you're going to get on your feet.

Just thought of something else, Ki. Moving would solve some of your immediate problems. Do you have the means to move?

I'm a big proponent of "if you don't put yourself first, nobody else will". There comes a time when you cannot afford to continue to care about the plights of the people who hurt you, because they certainly do not care about yours. It takes more emotional fortitude to "return to normal" with a person who has harmed you than can be expected of anybody. I am certainly not strong enough. If you need to cut and run, you do it.

The thing is, my compassion and "giving" is what put her in the position she's in now. I was too nice because it was my first relationship, so now I'm trying to learn to not do that for her. I know deep down I should not help her because it's time for me to move on. But it's hard when she's still able to be manipulative passively. I know where you're coming from, but if you were in my place, it'd be you saying what I'm saying. Trust me.

I shouldn't have to move, that's my point. I've lived here my whole life. She hasn't. She's told me she wanted to go home, so she rented a car. Why the hell is she back here then? For no other reason than to exist where I exist. It's ****ty.

Does LiL have your virginity?

I think the big part of this is that I know her tone. So when she texts me (somehow getting my number even though she's blocked and mine has changed) I know exactly what she wants, even if she's not saying it.

I do try to put myself forward but I was never able to do that over the past couple years so this is all new to me.

Yes. And I own the cat we both raised. And I've never been able to get rid of that guilt as she tries to bring it up whenever she can.

That explains a lot. You bonded your soul to hers, and now it's bleeding inside from being ripped away.

That makes a lot of sense.

Exactly. Their interpersonal dynamic is/has become clearly dysfunctional and has only led to a toxic situation. Pursuing that dynamic, even in a non-romantic context, is not going to lead to anything different. Besides that, she's a heroin addict. You can't save an addict from themselves and any compassion you give will not provide any real, tangible help for her and certainly none that would counteract the harm that continuing to associate with her would.

Compassion for an ex-lover who's life is in shambles is perfectly understandable and natural, but helping a wounded tiger can easily end up with you mauled to death.

Batlord, I did not know you possessed such wisdom. This is a compliment, not a scathing critique.

This is all true. I know from experience. That girl can only help herself and if Ki gets involved she's only going to use him to get what she needs. Do you know how many promises my brother made to me only to break it as soon as he got what he wanted? I lost count.

Keep it in your pants, Ped.

Not true. Most addicts are disenfranchised individuals who feel disconnected from society. They use the drugs as an escape. By simply lending a little compassion can help.

I wasn't meaning to be dick. It's just that Ki has been a whiny pussy, we all have **** we are going through, he's constantly whining. So no, having emotions doesn't make you the pussy. It's how you portray them.

Edit: I mean that in the nicest way possible. We all have moments when we are whiny pussies.

False. You may know some unique cases but every single person I know who has used heroin has taken advantage of the kindness of others and I've know a lot of heroin users.

You're still being a dick.

God forbid he deals with things differently than you do.

Anecdotal. When most people try to help addicts they actually push them further away. People commonly tell them how they're screwing up their lives. That's not what they need to hear. Addicts need to hear that they have someone they can talk to and confide in.

I've been good friends with an addict. He was a cluster**** of a human being, and if being friends with him taught me something it's that it honestly normalizes their situation so that being a drug addict no longer feels so terrible, cause hey, this guy is sticking by me. Or at least that's how I perceived it.

And to be perfectly honest I think compassion for an addict who isn't seeking out help on their own might very well have the opposite effect, as now that you're making explicit to them that their behavior is NOT normal, and in fact is pitiable, it will only widen the gulf between them and non-addict society. If you were having money troubles and I just walked up to you and handed you a hundred dollars unsolicited for you to pay your rent, would it make you feel better or worse?

Lol. Dude. I'm sorry. But you have no idea what you're talking about. Take solace that you don't. I'd love to be ignorant in this subject.

You are right about doing that to someone who hasn't realized they have a problem. But most addicts can't be helped til they have that realization.

My experience wasn't as intense as Exo's, but I think we both found that addiction literally makes someone into a worse person. They become closed off by their addiction, which makes them insular and self-centered, and combined with their growing need for drugs this makes them eager to jump at any opportunity to use someone else to get them, which is now much easier since they really only care about themselves at this point.

Addiction is a process that is far more complicated than this discussion can allow for. I whole-heartedly advocate for harm reduction as an approach, but there are definitely elements of personal responsibility and personal safety that affect the success of the solution. You can't change people for them. Nobody but you will put you first.

But addiction is a pathological misappropriation of the brain's prioritization circuits and socially, we make it very hard for people to seek, obtain, and maintain the help they need. The current strategies fail because they're not tailored to the individual's needs in most cases, and if they aren't, that person is not going to stick with the plan.

Addicts can only help themselves. You can "help" lean them towards a self realization and progressive action towards sobriety but until they are ready to accept their problem and accept their life, nobody can help them.

Does LiL particularly sound like someone who's had an epiphany and is trying to get her life back together?

Yeah, because talking down to me when I'm already down is the best form of advice. Everyone here has been wonderful in regards to helping me cope, but you feel it's better to kick me when I've already been kicked hard enough. I'm not trying to be mean, but god forbid I'm open about something when I usually never open about anything.

If you'd like, I can say **** it and let it effect me outside of here, but I'm in a bad place, and company is better than none.

woke up with a lot of anxiety, then got a text with bad news. decided to go waling because it was sunny outside.
then i went to a movie but i didnt finish the movie

now im listening to some asmr videos then im going to bed

Whaling?

You missed my edit when I said we all have moments when we are whiny pussies.

I had a time when I was a raging pussy like that, and I was called out on it. Those people I don't think are dicks for treating me like the whiny bitch I was being. They are just calling a spade a spade. Life never got better, I just learned to stop being a whiny pussy. It is what it is. Then again, I was much more aggressive and a bigger ass than Ki is. Personally, I appreciate the honesty and some those people that called me out for being a raging **** were the first ones to offer condolences or a hand when something fowl happens.

Also, how are people going to lay in on me for calling him a whiny pussy because he's going through a 'rough time' when he was going off on somebody with mental illness the same way? I offered him the option to PM me **** if he needs to talk when he went of on that tantrum about killing himself in the box below. He has not ever taken advantage of it. Instead he whines in here. Why is that?

On the topic of addiction, I've had to watch my older brother become a "living on the street heroin addict and dealer" kind of person, so forgive me if my current situation hits me pretty hard. Most people would never deal with one addict in their life, let alone i'm dealing with coping with 2. I know this doesn't make a difference, but maybe it'll help realize where I'm coming from.

TBH I think getting out of your parents house and back into an apartment would be a better help than getting laid. I imagine after all this your self-esteem is probably shot and getting back on track with a job and a place of your own would be a serious boost, while also getting you back into your old, self-sufficient mindstate. LiL losing track of you would be a bonus.

And yes, I fully realize the irony of me telling you this.

The point is, you have a terrible way of helping. I yelled at WD because he's done nothing BUT come here and complain. I come here to talk about music and whatever else. Sometimes I'm weak. Sorry.

x

No I totally agree with this, and that's the end goal of course. I'm just stuck in a day to day thing right now and hopefully once the holidays are done, i'll be able to really get out and continue my life. It's been on hold for too long.

You're seriously so bad at helping. Ki is literally telling you to stop helping. Stop man. You suck at it.