Charles, I know it's probably not a popular opinion, and you probably don't want to hear it, but you need to quit medicating yourself in order to find out who you are and what you really want out of life. Give your brain and body a rest from the destruction and disillusionment weed and alcohol brings, and not just a few days or weeks, I'm talking about a year or two. Give the real Charles a chance.

I know the booze is self-destruction. I just don't know how to not be self-destructive. I've been self-destructive my whole life tbh. Being constructive feels alien.

Understandable. I was a problem child myself, well into my 30's. I just wanted to give you some honest advise.

You can do it if you want to.

Just get a construction gig.

Like I said, I'm not an idiot who thinks he has answers. I'm just a cluster**** of a human being who hasn't the slightest clue how to become functional after decades of supposed evidence that I can't be functional.

For as long as I can remember my view of my future has been that I'll become homeless and/or eat a bullet. I'm just killing time atm.

Who said you were an idiot? lol You are definitely not an idiot. I just hope you figure it out.

I think Plankton is talking sense. I know you enjoy the booze but at least give being sober a shot, Charles.

Maybe just thirty days at first, do something with your sober weekends.

It will improve your mood dramatically. You'll also lose fat. Maybe you could use the spare cash and time to acquire an elite physique?

Just a suggestion. But if you do decide to try stopping the booze PM me anytime mate.

Yeah I'm not disagreeing with any of you. I don't actually need to be convinced that booze is bad for me and that I'm on the fast track to self-destruction. I'm well aware and think about it constantly. Knowing this isn't the problem. Caring is the problem. I don't. I know this is irrational, but I don't care about that either, at least not in a transformative way. This is not about realizing anything, this is about irrational indifference and how forcing myself to do anything about it would require caring. Which I don't.

All the advice in the world is meaningless and tbh if I actually did care then I probably would be trying to minimize my bull**** and argue with you people because I would be emotionally invested in proving myself right so that I wouldn't feel the need to change, but I don't care and so it's no skin off my nose if I openly accept all of this because it will not force me to change my ways because nothing seems to do that anyway.