I can’t ****ing stand kids.

Does that make me a monster?

Nope but having one anyway would

I liked them in the context of school though (well most of them)

Some kids are just rotten and need to be put down same as rotten adults

it's not the same when they're your blood

Or family or whatever. Not saying it's genetic. Just when you have some sort of investment in them.

Yah but have you owned a pet for 18 years?

You're boring me now.

People say that but I don’t think I’d be a good dad which a great goddamn reason not to be a dad.

Thanks Marie, Ribbons, OH, Adidass, everyone for your thoughts. And jwb.
I'm not at all surprised. As Hawk says, a lot of people - even pet owners - feel this way. It's a cat, so what? Get another one. Especially when parents buy pets for their kids. But over the years you build up a relationship with them akin to being family members. It's worse for us, as Karen likes it when I pretend our cats are people - not like dressing them up, but giving them little stories, like Eddie (whom we've always decided was the quiet, cultured sort compared to the other two) being a Victorian gentleman, liking classical music and having a baritone voice. It's stupid, but it helps anthropomorphise them in our mind, so that they're more little people.

We used to pretend Ritchie, the first of the three to go (2017) flew a helicopter, and now any time a chopper flies over head I tell her it's Ritchie checking she's ok. It helps her, and it's silly but it does solidify them as less animals and more little humans. So you can see then, in that context, why losing them is so hard.

There's also the pain of coming downstairs the first day after, and realising they're not there. Then getting rid of things they used - food and water bowls, blankets, baskets, litter trays - it all hammers home the fact that the cat is gone and will never be back. And it's harder this time. The last two times we still had one cat left to lavish our love on. Now we'll have none.

But I do understand your attitude and I don't condemn you for it. I know plenty of people who will raise an eyebrow when you say you cried over your cat or dog, but similarly I know people who will nod and say I know what you mean.
It's the decision to accept the trade off between love/heartache. They give you such pleasure and such affection and love, but eventually you know you'll have to say goodbye.
Thee is nothing wrong with how he feels. I personally don't understand it, but I accept not everyone feels as I do, or millions of pet owners do. Doesn't make you a bad person.
Like I said in the original post, I can't do that due to the issues with Covid, and no, I had not expected him to live much longer. Doesn't make it any easier though.

Think of the most precious thing in your life, doesn't matter what it is - wife, girlfriend, sister, brother, mother, choice cigars, a guitar you've had for years, a favourite collector's edition of a record, whatever. Something you would hate to let go. Them imagine having to destroy it, having no choice but to let it go.

Sure, everyone will say comparing humans to pets is mad, but I tell you this: I cried more over Ritchie than I did over my own mother, or my aunt - who had passed away a few months previously - both of whom I loved dearly.

I can understand the love, affection, and also just generally being used to having all of that with a cat, TH. That's a rough position to be in and my heart goes out to everyone involved. It's hard to let all of that go and learning to live without hurts. I'm always here for you if you need a shoulder my friend.

TH, I had to do something similar with my dog last year and it was beyond terrible. He was throwing up blood and the doctors didn't even know exactly what was wrong. It's awful, but we're all here for you.

Thanks Plankton, thanks Ant. Means a lot, especially Plankton, as I know you're hurting from the loss of your friend and this must seem quite trivial in comparison. It is appreciated.

I'm no good at condolences but I'm glad you're going through with the surgery. At least you'll have some hope and not just doom and whatever happens you won't have any guilt about what you could have done but didn't. Good luck to your kitty.