Your Day

Mindfulness · 07-13-2021, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Exo

My best friends girlfriend committed suicide last night.

I've known her five years. I lived with them in California in 2017. I'm in Maine right now, where they had just moved and bought a farm, trying desperately to console him. It's impossible. He finally fell asleep and I'm in a hotel room finally able to collect my thoughts enough and just realized that my friend is dead. I had been thinking of him the whole day, worried about him. I forgot about her. I didn't want to think about it because I needed to be here for him.

This is awful.

If you notice something is wrong with your friend. Talk to them. I saw the signs and didn't act quickly enough. We all knew something was up. It's too late.

This didn't need to happen. I still can't believe she's gone.

I'm sorry.

Sorry about your friend Exo

ribbons · 07-13-2021, 12:27 PM

Very sorry for the loss of your friend, Exo. Can't even imagine what you are going through and how difficult it is. Thinking of you, and wishing you comfort and strength during this awful time.

Trollheart · 07-13-2021, 08:16 PM

Jesus Christ, your year doesn't get better does it Exo? First the post with all that home stuff and now this. I know this puts the former firmly in the shade, but it's another straw on the camel's back isn't it? So sorry to hear about your loss; there's never anything good to say. Everything is going to sound trite and pointless. Hope you get through your grief, and like Steph says, you do have something to look forward to on the other side. Condolences. Can't really say anything more than that. Sorry, man, truly sorry.

**Exo** · 07-13-2021, 08:42 PM

Thanks everyone.

I just got back from Maine. Two 8 hour drives in 36 hours is rough.

Two of the tougher days of my life. There's a bigger story to this whole thing that actually makes things even more tragic but it's honestly just too complex to tell. The gist of the matter is that my friend Evan and his GF Jenny had hit some rough patches on the path towards moving from Santa Rosa to Maine. It culminated in them splitting up but trying to still make the farm work on a civil level. It was working out for two weeks after their separation but spiraled into the two of them sleeping in two different outbuildings. Evan found Jenny when she wasn't at her normal spot in the morning milking the goats.

Jenny was a sweet, kind, funny, down to earth farm girl who didn't deserve what happened to her. It wasn't my friends fault. It wasn't anyones fault. It's just tragic.

We packed things up at the farm today. Her car was there. The dogs were looking for her. We left her things for her family in California to collect. It wasn't fun. The whole situation sucked. I couldn't go in the house. The goats were yelling.

I don't think I'll ever forget the last two days. I miss my friend. He last text to me was wishing me happy birthday last week. I should have called her instead of just texting her back.

Thanks for all the thoughts. This is going to beat me up a while.

~~jwb~~ · 07-14-2021, 02:14 AM

Sorry to hear that bro. She have any history of mental illness/suicidal tendencies/warning signs? I feel for your friend Evan I'm sure he probably has survivors guilt. I assume he found the body?

**Marie Monday** · 07-14-2021, 02:15 AM

That must have been (and still be) so devastating. Take all the time you need to mourn and recover, take care man.

Lucem Ferre · 07-14-2021, 05:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Exo

The dogs were looking for her.

Sorry, man. This really sucks. Life needs to quit kicking you in your balls.

**Exo** · 07-14-2021, 07:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jwb

Sorry to hear that bro. She have any history of mental illness/suicidal tendencies/warning signs? I feel for your friend Evan I'm sure he probably has survivors guilt. I assume he found the body?

They were the only ones on the farm at the time. He found her.

Trollheart · 07-14-2021, 02:28 PM

I don't know if it helps (probably not) but I think you deserve great credit for putting your buddy's loss first over your own. As you say, she was his girlfriend but your friend, and when push came to shove you chose to put your own personal feelings to one side in order to be able to comfort him. There are not too many people who could do that, Exo, and some time later when it's not so raw you should remember that and be proud of yourself.

Be well.
TH

**Exo** · 07-15-2021, 03:51 PM

I took the extra day off yesterday and stayed home. Dana had work all day so I was by myself but it allowed me to feel all of the feelings I wasn't able to feel because I was so focused on my friend and getting to and from Maine.

It was good to feel all those feelings. Horrible day but good in the long run.

I think I'm starting to heal. It'll be a while but it's a start.

Thanks to all of you who had words for me. It means a lot.

Obligatory "don't wait to talk to your friends who are going through a rough time" statement.

07-13-2021, 08:16 PM	#75483 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,970	Jesus Christ, your year doesn't get better does it Exo? First the post with all that home stuff and now this. I know this puts the former firmly in the shade, but it's another straw on the camel's back isn't it? So sorry to hear about your loss; there's never anything good to say. Everything is going to sound trite and pointless. Hope you get through your grief, and like Steph says, you do have something to look forward to on the other side. Condolences. Can't really say anything more than that. Sorry, man, truly sorry. __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

07-13-2021, 08:42 PM	#75484 (permalink)
Exo All day jazz and biscuits Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 7,359	Thanks everyone. I just got back from Maine. Two 8 hour drives in 36 hours is rough. Two of the tougher days of my life. There's a bigger story to this whole thing that actually makes things even more tragic but it's honestly just too complex to tell. The gist of the matter is that my friend Evan and his GF Jenny had hit some rough patches on the path towards moving from Santa Rosa to Maine. It culminated in them splitting up but trying to still make the farm work on a civil level. It was working out for two weeks after their separation but spiraled into the two of them sleeping in two different outbuildings. Evan found Jenny when she wasn't at her normal spot in the morning milking the goats. Jenny was a sweet, kind, funny, down to earth farm girl who didn't deserve what happened to her. It wasn't my friends fault. It wasn't anyones fault. It's just tragic. We packed things up at the farm today. Her car was there. The dogs were looking for her. We left her things for her family in California to collect. It wasn't fun. The whole situation sucked. I couldn't go in the house. The goats were yelling. I don't think I'll ever forget the last two days. I miss my friend. He last text to me was wishing me happy birthday last week. I should have called her instead of just texting her back. Thanks for all the thoughts. This is going to beat me up a while. __________________ LastFM SUPREME POO BAH MODERATOR EXTRAORDINAIRE

07-14-2021, 02:28 PM	#75489 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,970	I don't know if it helps (probably not) but I think you deserve great credit for putting your buddy's loss first over your own. As you say, she was his girlfriend but your friend, and when push came to shove you chose to put your own personal feelings to one side in order to be able to comfort him. There are not too many people who could do that, Exo, and some time later when it's not so raw you should remember that and be proud of yourself. Be well. TH __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

07-15-2021, 03:51 PM	#75490 (permalink)
Exo All day jazz and biscuits Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 7,359	I took the extra day off yesterday and stayed home. Dana had work all day so I was by myself but it allowed me to feel all of the feelings I wasn't able to feel because I was so focused on my friend and getting to and from Maine. It was good to feel all those feelings. Horrible day but good in the long run. I think I'm starting to heal. It'll be a while but it's a start. Thanks to all of you who had words for me. It means a lot. Obligatory "don't wait to talk to your friends who are going through a rough time" statement. __________________ LastFM SUPREME POO BAH MODERATOR EXTRAORDINAIRE

07-13-2021, 12:27 PM	#75482 (permalink)
ribbons Music Addict Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 1,265	Very sorry for the loss of your friend, Exo. Can't even imagine what you are going through and how difficult it is. Thinking of you, and wishing you comfort and strength during this awful time.

07-14-2021, 02:14 AM	#75485 (permalink)
~~jwb~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Jul 2019 Posts: 4,403	Sorry to hear that bro. She have any history of mental illness/suicidal tendencies/warning signs? I feel for your friend Evan I'm sure he probably has survivors guilt. I assume he found the body?