Consider:



"This is not going to fit into what your fantasy of what a wizard is."


Also (because you're all doctors and all) I keep having strange chest pains (once per minute, roughly, lasting maybe four seconds or so each time), more toward the left side. It feels worse when I'm lying down. If I had to compare it to something, I'd say it feels like there's a small burrowing creature digging around a small area. It's not a sharp pain exactly. Am I dying?

Are you stoned?

No. I rarely smoke, actually.

Are you feeling better this morning?

Sounds like a parasite.

Or gas.

Well, naturally when I first felt it I immediately thought back to various old episodes of that Monsters Inside Me show with the giant grotesque parasites.

For now, yes. I've been getting odd chest/heart pains for the past few months now though so I don't know.

stress

No, no, I was probably just cursed by a witch at birth or something (causing my heart to slowly transform into a gnarled & black seeping mass that will gradually spread throughout my body and kill me)


Oh well

It’s not a witch. It’s entropy. All hearts do it.