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More like, "Why this?".

Nah, I'm dropping it. Like he says, no point in letting a personal rant cloud this whole month. Frown, if you want to continue in PM no problem but I'm just as happy to let it drop and hope we both learn something from the exchange we just had.
You couldn't have used an icon for that? :laughing:
Anyway, I counter with "Why not?" Why "Metal goes to the movies" or "When worlds collide" or "Metal goes pop"? Why anything? Because I want this to be as varied and interesting an experience as possible, not just album reviews, and I'm always looking for new things to try out. If nothing else, this might attract the likes of Pet_Sounds who might otherwise not be interested in Metal Month. Just an idea, but it's hardly arbitrary, as I explained in the intro...

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Stained class (1978)

Though reasonably well established in the UK by now, and certainly no longer having to hold down day jobs since the success (finally) of their fourth album, Stained class marks the point where Judas Priest solidify their sound and ditch much of the longer, more progresive material that had characterised their first two, and certainly part of their third albums. Embracing the now-dominant subgenre of heavy metal, which was being fuelled by the rise of new bands as the NWOBHM broke, Judas Priest would emerge as one of the premier bands in Metal, and would also survive longer than a lot of their contemporaries.

There's a rolling, crashing drumbeat, marking the appearance of new drummer Les Brinks to open “Exciter” before the twin guitars of Downing and Tipton snarl in, taking the tune, and Halford's voice is beginning to develop its own, um, voice now. It's a fast, screaming metal tune, short and snappy, as most of the album here is: the days of the eight or nine-minute song and the multi-part suites is gone now as Priest tighten up their music and their songwriting, much of which is due to new producer Dennis MacKay. There's something of a nod to classical music in Tipton's solo, something that would be repeated in later years by Brian Tatler on Diamond Head's “Am I evil?”

The pace doesn't slacken then for “White heat, red hot”, with something more of a boogie beat driving it; kind of see Raven doing this a year or so later, then “Better by you, better than me” is the only cover on the album, the original having been by sixties legends Spooky Tooth. The song was the subject of a ridiculous lawsuit over a decade later when it was claimed Priest had inserted subliminal messages into the recording that resulted in two guys committing suicide. Not for the first time (remember Paranoid?) and certainly not for the last, Heavy Metal was given the rap and blamed for stupid decisions by people who happened to listen to it. The lawsuit was eventually thrown out, as it should have been. It's a decent song, but considering what has gone before it's a little limp I feel. I don't know the original but this is apparently seen as a good cover. The title track is up next, bringing back in the rip-roaring metal as Downing and Tipton go wild on the frets, the chorus betraying a little of the AOR I feel, but just a little. That sound typified by Thin Lizzy at their height is in evidence here, then “Invader” uses a riff I've heard later on the first or second Iron Maiden album, not sure which. Not only that, the opening track on The Number of the Beast is called “Invaders”. Coincidence? There's even a case for saying that the chorus here sounds a little like Maiden just borrowed it and sped it up on their song.

“Saints in Hell” is slower but has a great punch and lots of aggression: the dark, doomy themes are still at the moment evident here, though at this point you get the feeling it's a case of preference rather than influence. In other words, they're now writing dark songs because they want to, not because of how their situation is affecting them and making them feel. It's dark, man, but it's our dark! A real marching, thumping guitar bites and snaps at the tune, Halford screaming out the lyrics and setting the bar for many later vocalists. “Savage” has a more boogie feel to it, a swaggering, marauding beast full of its own confidence, but by contrast “Beyond the realms of death” (which sounds like something Slayer might write!) is a laidback acoustic ballad; I guess this time they restricted it to just the one, and it's a good one.

Ah, but no it isn't. Tipton kicks in the door as his guitar leaps to life for the chorus, and Halford spits out the vocal before they return to the gentler tone for the verse. I guess you'd call it a Jeckyl and Hyde sort of song, jumping from one to the other and constantly keeping you off-balance. It's also the longest song on the album, just short of seven minutes, and the penultimate one too. Really cool solo about halfway through which manages to marry elements of both the slower ballad and the harder rocker, and if any song on this album retains the progressive styles from previous albums, this is it. We close then on “Heroes end”, with a stop/start guitar opening before it strides along with enthusiasm and power, a fist-clenching, air-punching anthem destined to go down very well live I would think.

TRACKLISTING

1. Exciter
2. White heat, red hot
3. Better by you, better than me
4. Stained class
5. Invader
6. Saints in Hell
7. Savage
8. Beyond the realm of death
9. Heroes end

Although emblematic of the kind of metal that would make its voice heard over the next few years as the NWOBHM took firm hold over England, and bands like Raven, Maiden, Saxon and Tank rose to the fore, Judas Priest's dark, aggressive sound was not something the delicate ears of America were used to, having been weaned on the likes of REO and Boston, Foreigner and Kiss, and consequently they continued to be mostly ignored in the States. That, of course, would change, but it would take time.

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The very next band to surface and attempt to replicate, or even improve upon, what Running Wild had done in the eighties and nineties were from, of all places, Canada. They only ended up recording the one album, released in 2006, and so I guess it would be seen as a collector's item of Pirate Metal. It's certainly not available through the usual channels, and I had to turn to YouTube to get it. Or, to put it in more piratical language, 'tweren't nowhere on the blasted horizon, though we searched from sea to sea, in every cove and on every island from here to the Barbary Coast! And then, in a strange inlet off a cursed isle where no man dares walk, and of which sailors whisper in hushed tones of terror in every tavern from here to Port Royal, there! There we found it, me hearties, and me heart were gladdened by the very sight! Yeah, I'll stop now.

But suffice to say, as the immediate successors to Running Wild, Verbal Deception hold the dubious distinction of being not only the only Canadian Pirate Metal band, but alone with a mere two from south of their border make up the only three on the whole continent of North America who dangled their toes into the choppy seas of this most specialised of metal. Perhaps that in itself tells you something. Also, the fact that Verbal Deception (the second band I've come across who have the unfortunate abbreviation VD!) never had another album may speak volumes as to how they were received at the time. It's not that they didn't have another Pirate Metal album: they had none at all. This was their one and only recording, which again I guess adds to what makes it so rare and possibly collectible.
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Aurum Aetus Piraticus --- Verbal Deception --- 2006 (Scarab Metal)

Okay, so without even listening to a song I'm encouraged by “piratey” track names like “Pieces of eight”, “Under the black flag”, “Jewels of the dead” and “Pirate attack”, which actually kicks off the album. So, do the songs themselves live up to their titles? Well there's a good start, with the sounds you'd expect to hear at the docks, seagulls screeching overhead, wind and the sound of waves, and then drifting over the air the sound of an accordion, a trusted instrument of the seafarer. Then guitars kick in and the percussion punches through, but you can still hear the accordion, which I guess is made on a synth by Walt Fleming, as no squeezebox is credited. Oddly, the vocalist, one Kresho Klarich, uses a deep, throaty vocal rather like death metal vocalists use, but you can hear him okay. So opener “Pirate attack” delivers pretty much what it promises, even if the style is slightly different to what I've so far experienced with Running Wild.

Now, as to the title of the album, well it seems to be made up of some latin and some made-up latin or dog latin. Aurum is gold and obviously piraticus is made up, but I can't find anything about aetus; perhaps they're referring to pieces of eight? Anyway, “Jewels of the dead” is a heavier, more death metal sort of song, and doesn't have too much of the pirate in it, rather like Running Wild's “Diamonds of the black chest”. while “Halls of illusion” has more of a fantasy/mythology feel to it, again nothing really piratey about this. In melody it does however reference the pirate tropes, with a good accordion melody swirling about. It's hard though to reconcile that dark death metal snarl with the clearer, almost happier voice of Rolf Kasparek.

You might think a song called “Northern shores” would give you hope, but no: it's all about the Vikings. And while there's nothing wrong with that, the Norsemen were not pirates, and only used their ships as transport. They didn't start robbing, raping and killing until they had actually landed on shore, so no pirate link there I'm afraid. It is a great track, now to be fair: one of the best on the album so far, with a lot of progressive metal influences, but just has nothing for the pirate lover. One for four so far, though we must assume “Pieces of eight”, though it's an instrumental, to be intended as a pirate song, therefore that's two of five. Still not a great ratio is it? “The scarab”, though only two minutes or so long, does contain the lines ”Here I stand, rum in hand/ Seaborn scarab” so, you know, maybe? It has a nice, excited rush to it, rolling along well, and surely “High seas” can only be a pirate song?

Yep: galleons, treasure, oceans ... this has the lot. Still, it's taken us six tracks to get here, and the album only has eleven, so we're more than halfway through before we get to what could reasonably be described as the second proper pirate song. Nice Maidenesque opening, sort of eastern tinge to it, then a sort of acoustic guitar that could almost be a banjo, but I'm sure isn't, before the proper guitar riff comes pounding in, and riding on a very expansive keyboard melody the song takes off. It's almost been worth waiting for; it all depends on how many other pirate songs there are before this album comes to an end. “The Watcher” seems to concern some ancient intelligence that lives, lived or was trapped at the bottom of the sea, so I guess they get some points for at least keeping a nautical theme through two songs, and there's a good kind of semi-power metal rhythm to this one.

This is the problem: there's nothing on this album I don't like, and were I just reviewing it as purely an album in its own right I'd be perhaps not raving about it but certainly praising it, but as this article concerns Pirate Metal, I have to judge every album on those criteria, and generally speaking t his one is not really measuring up that well. Otherwise it's a great album and I'd really recommend it, but not as an example of Pirate Metal. At least, not yet. Though “The temptress” seems to involve a pirate being drawn in by a siren-like female, and being robbed in the end himself, so I guess that could be counted. Another kind of Arabic melody swirling through this one, like it a lot, though it is quite dark. “The Voyage” is another you would expect to have pirate leanings, and indeed it does. I love the way they work in “Pop goes the weasel” into the melody, and also use that most used of pirate phrases “Yo ho ho!” Nice one, guys. Getting better. Great to finally see some humour coming into Pirate Metal, perhaps for the first time.

We end then on “Under the black flag”, and if this is not a pirate song I will eat my parrot! Seems to carry on the basic melody from “Voyage”, and it is in fact the longest track on the album at just over eight and a half minutes. But yeah, there are pirates all over this thing, as Klarich exults in the power of the pirate brotherhood and pities those who go up against them. It is in fact a song of the revenge of a pirate on the captain who has killed so many of his brothers, and needless to say, our pirate is triumphant and takes both the crew's lives and their cargo. In pirate terms, a happy ending!

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Pirate attack
2. Jewels of the dead
3. Halls of illusion
4. Northern shores
5. Pieces of eight
6. The scarab
7. High seas
8. The watcher
9. The temptress
10. Voyage
11. Under the black flag

Despite the different metal style, I'd have to give Verbal Deception the gold so far when it comes to actually practicing what they preach, as it were. There's actually more pirate material here on this one album than there was in the four I sampled from Running Wild, and the addition of sound effects and especially humour really makes this album stand out. I've read some poor reviews of it, but I can't agree that this is better than the Germans. For my money, musically and lyrically, yes, Running Wild have the edge on this one-album competitor from Canada, but to me the originators of Pirate Metal were all about untapped and unused potential, most of which, from my brief foray into their discography at least, seemed to be wasted.

Verbal Deception, on the other hand, though they approach the mateiral in a different manner, and do in fairness also have songs that veer away from the pirate theme, have a much more cohesive view of it, and their one album actually for me stands pretty much head and shoulders above anything I've heard from Running Wild. Sadly, they only had this one album but with it I feel they finally unleashed the vast, seething and grinning heart of Pirate Metal. It's just a pity that it seems they sunk without a trace, as they should have had a bright future. Bon voyage, mateys!

Staying with North America, but moving on down south of the Canadian border, we have another band who seem to have made themselves a decent living by blending Pirate Metal and Thrash Metal together. They've released three albums since 2006, and last year after an absence of four years put out an EP, hilariously titled We hate the sea. I will of course be getting to that, but as they only have three albums plus that, sure why not do their entire discography? It's not as if I have anything else to do, is it? ;)
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Hey, at least their name is pirate 101! Their album covers also reflect that, as well as a humourous slant which we've really been missing up to now. Still, I've learned not always to judge an album by its cover in this pseudo-subgenre, so we'll be approaching this with cautious optimism rather than outright expectation.
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Crewed by the Damned --- Swashbuckle --- 2006 (Bald Freak Music)

It's a fantastic cover, but as I say... the first track, weirdly and surely coincidentally, is the same title as the last track on the previous album we checked out, by Canadian buccaneers Verbal Deception. It seems to be a very short instrumental though, so they're not covering that song. Got a very Spanish/Mexican feel to it, then the album starts properly with “Welcome aboard” and things get really thrashy. The vocal is growled, and much less intelligible than Kresho Klarich, though it must be said that this guy, who goes by the name of Admiral Nobeard, puts a lot more passion and aggression into his vocal. Lyrically? Try this: "Yo ho ho! This pirate life's for me!/ We'll slit your throat, you'll walk the plank/ The sharks are all you'll see!” Ooh yeah! Now THIS is Pirate Metal! Wenches and whores and gold galore, as they say, and I love the usage of "Avast ye! Hornswoggling swashbucklers!” Stereotypical, Hollywood words, yes, but so much fun and they really conjure up the vision of pirates most of us have grown up with, even this young generation, thanks to Disney and Johnny Depp.

You've got to smile and clap your hands at lines like ”We've come to rape and pillage/ And plunder your village” and then in “Drink up”: ”Pass the ale, pass the rum” and “Drink up mateys! Yo ho ho!” Ah, this pirate life! The album is divided between, it would seem, heads-down, face-punching, gut-wrenching thrash metal and traditional sounding pirate instrumentals. I must say, when the Admiral sings it's pretty hard to make out the words, so it's just as well I have a lyric sheet, but he certainly puts a great sense of fun into the songs, none of which are particularly long (most around the two to three minute mark, many shorter, especially the instrumental interludes). I love the end of “Walk the plank” where, to the delight of the pirate crew, we hear the sound of boards bending and a splash as the offending lubber ends up in the water.

Both Commodore Redrum and Rowin' Joe Po do really well on the guitars, able to switch from the most thrashy, punching metal assault to an almost medieval acoustic with consummate ease, and indeed it seems they all have a hand (presumably with a hook on one end) in writing the lyrics. “Dead men tell no lies” rattles along with anger and fury and revenge, with the final lines ”We'll gather around with all our loot/ And tie a cannon to your boots” surely a classic of its kind. These guys are actually the first so far that I'd love to see live --- they must be a riot! “X marks the spot”, “Upon the Spanish Main”, “Jolly Roger” --- they just keep coming, and while yes, these guys are plundering every available and possible cliche connected to pirates, well hell, isn't that what the thing is supposed to be all about? I have to say too, I love the idea of breaking up the heavier, vocal tracks with an instrumental, each one of which totally reflects a pirate theme, both in title (“Rum runners/What a ship is/ Set sail” etc) and in musical content, most of which are either Spanish guitar ditties or making it sound as if they have mandolins and lyres. It's almost the polar opposite of the vocal tracks, and the difference makes it work so well. Opposites, after all, attract, and we all have two sides to our brain, which work in concert, as the two sides of this album (musically speaking) do.

“Upon the Spanish Main” has a heavy, grinding almost doom metal opening, then kicks into life and speeds along like a pirate galleon in pursuit of a fat freighter and is over before you even realise it has run its two minute length, and we're into another interlude. What I love about these guys is that they seem to literally not give a fuck, reflecting neither the almost apologetic stance of Running Wild, who tried to explain what pirates are and why they do, nor the darker, doomier tone of Verbal Deception: Swashbuckle stand up tall and proud, cutlass at their belt, grog in hand and belch “We're fuckin' pirates! Ya got a problem with that?” Nothing epitomises this as well as “Jolly Roger”, where there is no apology, no explanation and no mercy: they're coming to slit your throat and take your booty! In the case of the ladies, probably literally!

The title track has an almost progressive feel to the opening, then decends into another superb thrashfest, hurtling along at about a hundred knots, certainly faster than a sailing ship can move! Okay, so they reuse lyrics (”Pillage! Pillage! Raid the village!”) but at this point I'm having so much fun I really don't care, and the lyrics are not that deep anyway, as they probably should not be with Pirate Metal: it's all, or should be, about having a good time, not analysing why this pirate or that captain did what he did, or tracing the historic voyage of whatever pirate ship. If you want that, then Running Wild are the ones for you, but if you just want no-holds-barred, hanging-off-the-rigging-drunk-and-ready-for-a-fight, then you need to listen to Swashbuckle!

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Under the black flag
2. Welcome aboard
3. Drink up
4. Set sail
5. Walk the plank
6. What a ship is
7. Dead men tell no lies
8. The wooden world
9. X marks the spot
10. Rum runners
11. The Spanish Main
12. The bazaar
13. Jolly Roger
14. Paradise defined
15. Crewed by the damned
16. A fool's errand

So far, so good. A great start. This is the kind of Pirate Metal I want to hear, and expected to hear. Exciting, vibrant, irreverent, humorous and in its way quite authentic, especially the interludes. Let's see if they can keep it up as we stagger aboard the gangway for a second voyage with these scurvy dogs. Avast there! Will ye be holdin' onta me parrot while I climb aboard? Thankee kindly shipmate!

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Back to the Noose --- Swashbuckle --- 2009 (Nuclear Blast)

Signed to a proper label, their first being an independent jaunt, Swashbuckle released a longer, much longer album upon us three years later. In total, we're looking at 21 tracks, though as with the debut, many of those are short instrumentals that bridge the gap between songs. It's again one of these that sets us off, as “Hoist the mainsail” gives us an acoustic guitar lullaby which then pumps up with fire and defiance and pulls us into “Scurvy back”, where the Admiral reaffirms his crew's commitment to causing carnage, as he roars ”Always ready for the attack/ We're bringing scurvy back!/ You'll have no time to flee/ There's only death at sea!” If the debut album was thrash, then this is thrash times three, with much faster riffs and powerful rhythms, but at this point we've lost Rowin' Joe overboard, so this crazy ship is crewed only by three now. Not that you'd notice, as Commodore Redrum plays guitar with the fury and intensity of two men.

The title track keeps up the madcap speed and the lyric is inspired: [i]”Kill for loot/ Now die in your boots!”[/] and ”Tell us world, are you scared?/ You'd better come fucking prepared!” The instrumental then is like something out of a cantina or something, something you'd expect four Mexicans to be playing while the patrons ignore them and knock back their tequila, and the title is enough to make me wet myself again: “Cloudy with a chance of piracy”. Oh, these guys! Then they barrel headlong into “We sunk your battleship”. I mean, the vocal is such a rapid-fire delivery now that it's impossible to know what Admiral Nobeard is singing, but the energy and enthusiasm is such that you don't really care. And before I can even look at the lyric sheet it's over and we're sharing “Rounds of rum”. Oh that's hilarious! In the previous song they were calling out the codes like in the game. You know, “B5! You sunk my battleship!” and so on. I love these guys. This one is a little more restrained --- only a little --- but no less fun.

“Rime of the haggard mariner” is something different. A sort accordion backing a narration by an old sea dog, with sound effects and I think a sailor's hornpipe going on. Then a kid says “Look mommy! A pirate ship!” and a cannon fires, and everything goes to hell as we power into “Cruise ship terror” as the pirates seem to time-jump and attack a cruise ship, exulting ”We are Swashbuckle! We sunk the Titanic!” :laughing: And a rousing chorus of “Yo ho!” into the bargain, a superb solo and a last roar of ”We stole your shit!” as they head off across the ocean, then everything stays fast and powerful for “No prey no pay” while “Splash'n'thrash” must be a favourite onstage with the lines ”Take a splash, it's time to thrash/ We steal all the cash/ Let's all splash while we thrash/ Stomp and mosh this piratical bash!” Oh yeah, these guys know how to have a good time.

“The grog box” is a great drinking song, which again must go down well live, then another little pirate jig in “The Tradewinds” before we come to the longest track on the album, with a total running time of ... forty-three seconds! Just kidding obviously, it's the shortest. Well, actually no, I lie there too, as “Whirlpit” is forty-two seconds long! “Attack!” is great though, and just goes for the throat with a real fuck-it mentality and the Admiral snorting like a boar for much of the short vocal, then we're all doing “The peg leg stomp”, ”Chillin' on the ship/ Swabbin' the poopdeck/ Suddenly have the urge to thrash and wreak your neck!” Ah, many's the time, me hearties, many's the time... “Whirlpit” invites the brave into the mosh pit, and at the speed they play this I reckon their might be some claims going in for whiplash! It's followed by another narrative like the earlier one, this being titled “All seemed fine until...” and leads into “It came from the deep!”

It's another mad fretfest and concerns a sea monster disturbed from its sleep, and it ain't happy. Listen to the final verse: "You pirates ruined my nap! /The world'll pay, because of your crap/ I will feast upon this human race /And bring devastation to this place!/ This planet I will devour and make make this your final hour/ Eternity in these watery crypts, hear my name:/ SHARKTOPUSCALYPSE!!!!!!!” And the pirates panic: ”HOLY SHIT! That be a giant! You son of a bitch!” as they are forced to abandon the sinking, wrecked ship, and find themselves “Shipwrecked” as the album comes to a close. What a fucking wild ride!

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Hoist the mainsail
2. Scurvy back
3. Back to the noose
4. Cloudy with a chance of piracy
5. We sunk your battleship
6. Rounds of rum
7. Carnivale boat ride
8. Rime of the haggard mariner
9. Cruise ship terror
10. No prey no pay
11. La leyenda
12. Splash-n-thrash
13. The grog box
14. The Tradewinds
15. Attack!
16. Peg leg stomp
17. Whirlpit
18. All seemed fine until...
19. It came from the deep
20. Shipwrecked

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I'm just falling in love with these guys! This is how Pirate Metal should be done, and it's only a pity that they have so few albums because I would listen to them all. It's just such immense fun. But we now come to their third and final proper album, though we will check out that EP as I promised later. Right now though, didn't your mother ever teach you that
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Crime Always Pays --- Swashbuckle --- 2010 (Nuclear Blast)

Interestingly, I see they've cut the instrumentals down to a mere four on this album, with sixteen tracks in all, so that gives us twelve actual sung tracks. The opener is one of those four instrumentals, and it's really nice but I'm a touch disappointed that “We are the storm”, the first vocal track, doesn't address the apparent demise of the pirate ship from the previous album. The guys just come grinning and slashing (and thrashing) back from the dead, with no explanation. But hey ho, what can you expect? They made such a meal of their destruction though I had hoped there would be something like “The sea can't hold us, we're back” or something. Anyway, however they choose to explain or indeed not explain it, the crew of Swashbuckle are back terrorising the high seas as they love to, this time taking on geeks and video gameheads as the Admiral roars in glee ”You’re just another worthless fucking loser/ With praise of the hammer and your face all in paint/ Do you really believe you’re a warrior now?/ The only battle you’ve seen is on a computer screen!”

Then we're told in no uncertain terms “This round's on YOU!” as they roar ”Real pirates never pay to drink!” while the simple philosophy of ”Lift our cups! Blow shit up!” is the theme for “Powder keg” and a great “Yo ho ho!” chant into the bargain. Fuckin' A! “A time of wooden ships and iron men” delivers exactly what it promises, with a hard rockin' thrash metal fest as the boys sing ”Slashing and thrashing while the waves keep crashing/ This is where we belong!” Amen, brothers! There's even more thrash for your cash with the title track, then there's a sensitive love ballad in “Raw doggin' at the raw bar” (er, not quite...) and the female-friendly, PC material continues into “Gallows pole dancer” (you have to ask?) where I'm not quite sure if they intend it, but they quote Waits (yeah, you didn't think I'd get him into Metal Month, did ya? Shows what you know!) when they sing ”Set 'em up, she'll be knockin' em down”, an almost direct line from “New coat of paint” on The Heart of Saturday Night. Yeah, I'll shut up about that now and stick to piratey phrases, aaar me hearties!

Another nice instrumental before we're looking “At the bottom of a glass”, with a somewhat less manic pace but still a bellowed vocal from the Admiral, and in the same way as they diverged slightly from pirate times to verbally wedgie computer geeks, they now turn their wrath on identity theft in “To steal a life”, blaming those who are too stupid to safeguard their personal information and allow them to go no a spending spree. Obviously, this has a personal connection for me, as most of you know I was recently scammed out of three grand, so it's perhaps not as funny to me as it would be to someone who has not fallen victim to this crime. Mind you, it hurtles along at such speed it would be impossible to know what it's about if you hadn't the lyric to hand. I do notice that this time out most if not all of the lyrics are written by Commodore Redrum, and it has seen a cosmic shift in the subject matter, with a lot more “current” material and a perhaps slighly worrying tendency towards misogyny on this album.

Mind you, you can't take offence at “You bring the cannon, we'll bring the balls”, a sort of almost homage to Lizzy's “Thunder and lightning”, though a whole lot faster and more powerful, and there's glorious support for fatties in “Surf-n-turn (for piratical girth)” (where do they get these titles?) before we close once more on an instrumental, this one called perhaps prophetically “Rope's end”...

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Slowly wept the sea
2. We are the storm
3. This round's on YOU!
4. Powder keg
5. Where victory is penned
6. Of hooks and hornswogglers
7. A time of wooden ships and iron men
8. Crime always pays
9. Raw doggin' at the raw bar
10. The gallows pole dancer
11. Legacy's allure
12. At the bottom of a glass
13. To steal a life
14. You bring the cannon, we'll bring the balls
15. Surf-n-turf (for piratical girth)
16. Rope's end

Although the lyrics have turned a little darker on some of the songs, this is still the band that made me cry with laughter on the first two albums, and it's pretty impossible not to like them. The instrumentals, though there are not as many this time around, show that while these guys can headbang and thrash with the best of them, they are perfectly capable of playing sedate music and are not just bashing their guitars and hoping notes come out. Like the pirates they sing about, it's not that they can only thrash, but that they choose to.

I doubt I'd have them any other way.

As promised then, before we leave these hilarious harbingers of harrying on the high seas, there is one more record we can check out. Not an album, and yet sometimes EPs can be as long as the full album; this time though we only have another four tracks to enjoy, a total of just over seven minutes.
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We Hate the Sea --- Swashbuckle --- 2014 (Get This Right Records)

Aw, looks like Nuclear Blast dropped them. Or maybe they decided to go their own way; I'm assuming Get This Right is their own label. Anyway, as I say this is their first effort since 2010 and although I would hope there might maybe be an album on the way, a year later, nearly two? Doesn't look too good, does it, me shiverin' mateys? So we'll have to be having this to go on with for now.

Okay, well the speed level has increased, if that's possible, and sad to say, the women-hating lyrics are back as we open on “Beer goggles”, which I'm sure won't give you brainache trying to guess what it's about. It's depressingly bereft of any pirate imagery or references, so could be any thrash/death band singing about banging ugly women. Meh, not a good start guys, not a good start. At least the title track, robbed from The Simpsons, has pirate stuff in it, but why do they hate the sea? Bit incongruous. And it's only a minute long. Not much of the trademark bonhomie and good humour we've become used to there, and “Poop deck toilet wreck” is actually nothing more than them singing about having the squirts. Nothing funny there.

Ah, it's all too ridiculously fast and angry now. “Slaughter on international waters” references, I think, the “70,000 tons of metal” cruise organised for the last few years in Miami, and that's all very fine, but this band is going down the toilet with this release I'm sorry to say. If it's to be their last release, then maybe that's for the best and we can just remember them by three hilarious albums that are ten thousand times better than this shit.

I have a theory. It's probably wrong, but it's my theory and I'm gonna advance it. I feel that over the course of three albums Swashbuckle have, in addition to losing their label (perhaps because of the specialised nature of their music) become tired of playing Pirate Metal and now want to go in a more straight forward thrash direction, hence not only the title of this EP but the raw, unbridled, almost scary anger prevalent all through it. It's like they're saying “We've had our fun, you've had your fun, now fuck off! This is us from now on!” Maybe, after all, they do hate the sea and everything in it. But if so, it's a real pity because they're leaving behind some great and clever music and they may very well alienate the fans they laboured so hard to gather together, and who put them where they are today.

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Beer goggles
2. I hate the sea (and everything in it)
3. Poop deck toilet wreck
4. Slaughter on international waters

Time, and the next album released, if any, will tell, but for now I have to say sorry guys, it's the yardarm at dawn for ye lads! Let me down badly, boys. Badly.
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Let's move on to March now, and check out an album I know Ki has been raving about for the last short while...
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Endless Forms Most Beautiful --- Nightwish --- 2015 (Nuclear Blast)

Introduction: Nightwish get a lot of stick, as do many symphonic metal bands, and to be fair I've only heard one or two of their albums, but that sort of thing does appeal to me: bands like Epica, Kamelot, Leaves' Eyes, Edenbridge, all those sort of artistes draw me, and so Nightwish should probably be more on my radar than they are. This is the eighth album in a career spanning almost twenty years, and is their first with new vocalist Floor Jansen.

Note: Unfortunately this is unaccountably not on Spotify, so I have to use YouTube, which I never like doing.

Track by track

1. Shudder before the beautiful: I would say that Jansen is, on the evidence of this opening track anyway, not as strong a singer as Annette Olzon, though the song is the usual gothic Nightwish thing, with solid choruses and strong guitars, rocking nicely. Nothing terribly new about it though. Reserving judgement at this time.
2. Weak fantasy: Despite the title, good strong instrumental start with pounding drums, orchestral keys and that chorus again, then it drops back to allow Jansen to showcase her voice. Passionate, yes, but does she have the chops to replace Olzon? We're still waiting to see.
3. Elan: Nice piano line driving the song, a more restrained song, not quite a ballad but again I feel Jansen's voice needs to be stronger. Maybe that's just her style, but the music seems to be threatening to drown her out much of the time. Good hook in the song. Still nothing that's really made me sit up and take notice. Sort of celtic influence here --- flute or pipes perhaps? Tempo has increased.
4. Yours is an empty hope: More dramatic, with orchestral hits. Then the guitar winds up and the song begins to take flight. Decent vocals but I'm in danger of being really bored already. It just sounds so generic. Play this blind for anyone and I bet there are a dozen like bands they could think were playing. There's just nothing distinctive about it, nothing standing out for me.
5. Our decades in the sun: Guess this is the first ballad. Nice kind of angelic chorus and Jansen's voice suits this sort of song. Yeah it's a nice ballad but I'm struggling to keep my interest at this point. Not looking forward to the closer, which runs for twenty-four fucking minutes!
6. My Walden: Oh man I'm so bored! This is gonna take forever! :( All right, there's a nice sort of celtic run there at the end, like a reel or something. Kind of woke me up.
7. Endless forms most beautiful: Dramatic, uptempo, same as most of the rest of the album so far. Yawn. Good for what it is, sure, but just so much like everything else I can't be bothered to form an opinion.
8. Edema Ruh: Another nice tune, but again nothing special. Uptempo, good beat, vocal is adequate.
9. Alpenglow: Sorry I've just lost the will to live, or even write anything.
10. The eyes of Sharbat Gula: Oh Christ! A six minute instrumental? Well okay, it's nice and restrained, and the choir is nice. So perhaps not fully an instrumental, depending on how you view choral vocals. It's listed as such though.
11. The greatest show on Earth: Okay then here we go: split into five parts, this is the epic, running for a total of twenty-four minutes exactly. Wake me when it's over. No, seriously. Wake me when it's over. Well now, okay let's be fair: this starts off with a really nice instrumental then we get a quite superb operatic vocal from Jansen, sort of continuing the theme of the opening piece. So far it's actually quite good and I'm engaged. Nice rippling piano. This is the best I've heard on the album. uileann pipes now, with a spoken section, narration of whatever story this is. Evolution of life, I guess, as the album's title is based on a quote from Darwin.

And now the heavier guitars kick in. I've no way of determining which part is which, where one ends and the other begins, but I'm going to guess the instrumental was the first part, the sung part the second and this the third. Could be wrong, of course, but it seems likely. Some sort of animal noises now, against some sort of sound effects which perhaps backs up my assumption about this being about life in all its ... oh, look: Wiki confirms that. Okay then. Certainly the longest track Nightwish have ever done, and in my admittedly uninformed opinion their best. Really like this.

After a few exuberant rounds of “We were here!” there's a rumble of thunder and everything goes quiet, then a soft piano comes through the silence, soon accompanied by a really nice flute I think, or could be Uileann pipes. I think the latter. Some more narration and really powerful, emotional music with a choir adding to the feeling of awe, making me wonder why the rest of the album wasn't like this? Fantastic one to end on though, and I must make sure to watch that video again.

Conclusion: I'm not so sure now. I really thought I'd be saying boring, generic symphonic metal, and for most of the album that accusation is deserved, but then they come up with something like the last track and, rather than having to suffer through it as I expected, I absolutely loved it and it never dragged in the least. I think in fairness I may need to listen to the album a few more times before I can actually rate it, or say what I really think. So for now, as in the first track, I'm going to reserve judgement.

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And so it's time to move further east now, through Romania and then down south over the Black Sea, past Iraq and into its troubled neighbour, the enfant terrible of Middle Eastern politics and a hotbed of Islamic fundamentalism.
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I suppose it's inevitable, living in what is basically a radical theocracy, that Iranian metal would tend to gravitate towards the darker, blacker end of the spectrum and I can assume there are few if any Christian metal bands plying their trade there. However it also seems unlikely that metal bands in general would write music praising Allah, and although it may be and probably is really simplifying things, is it wrong to expect that in a country in which there is so little religious or sexual freedom that the kids would rebel and turn to the other side? Maybe it is, but it can't be denied that when you go looking for Iranian metal bands, at least on Metal Archives, which is my resource for metal outside of the norm, a massive percentage of them turn out to be Black Metal. Like these guys.
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Infernal Monarchy --- Helzgloriam --- 2015 (Misantrof ANTIRecords)

I don't honestly know if the band name is an Iranian word, but I have a feeling it's just meant to be a cooler way of saying “Hell's glory” and make it look Latin perhaps. It may also be interesting that this is the first release from this band, who only formed in 2013, and got their first record out this year. What's very interesting though, is that of the four members, all male, all Iranian, it would appear none of them write the lyrics. That's left up to an American, and with names in the band like Agzaroth, Ophion and Attila Magnus, the name Greg Hadley seems as incongruous as a virgin at a Mayhem orgy. Whether our man Greg contributes to the band in any other way is not known: he's simply credited as the lyricist. This could be so that Helzgloriam can sing in English, and perhaps they aren't fluent enough in the language to write in it, but they do seem to be able to sing in it.

Although a Black Metal album, this is a Symphonic one, and while that's closer to the type of Black Metal I prefer (ambient being my other go-to sub-subgenre) it's not because I want to give myself an easy ride here that I chose it. Quite simply, as I find every year as I range farther afield to take in metal from countries not normally associated with the genre, it remains harder and harder to find bands who actually have albums, and then to find those albums somewhere that I can hear them. I went through about five bands who all looked good before these, but found either only demos, singles or albums that were not available. Helzgloriam were the first I came across who actually had something I could get my hands and ears on, and so they were chosen.

The album is not what you would call an epic by any stretch of the imagination. With a total of eight tracks making up under thirty minutes in all, it's not going to take too long to get through it. Whether that means we have eight throwaway songs here, and I'll be glad when I get to the end, or that we have an undiscovered gem and I'm left wanting more, we'll know definitively in exactly twenty six minutes and twenty-seven seconds.

Well there's a nice slow atmospheric guitar and rising dark keys opening “At the heart of Betlehem” (sic) with voices, dark pealing bells, sounds of knocking or hammering, a choir and a big scream, possibly the sound of whips? Yeah whips I think: someone's getting thrashed for sure. Oh, and that's it as we move into “Deconstruct Satanus (sic) knowledge”, with a harder, more pounding guitar and now we get vocals. They're scratchy and growly, as you would expect, but a lot more intelligible than some I've heard in this subgenre. I think there may be two vocalists, one doing the main, screeching voice (that would be Attila Magnus, who also plays the guitar) and another (bass player I think, who goes by the interesting name of Seraphimouz Nanzerne) exhibiting a deeper, more animalistic growl. Guitar work is great, and the keys from Ophion add a really nice ambience, bringing in more choral vocals as everything slips away to just them and the guitar slowly chiming. Now some shredding as the vocal returns (the screechy one), the guitar takes us up to the big finish and into “Satanum”.

Again we get a hard, grinding guitar as the vocalist comes in, with an interesting midsection which seems to involve female vocals, maybe? Hard to say. Definitely more guitar-driven here, and another fairly short track, and the guitar remains in prominence as “Resurrection sigil” slows things down a little with a sort of romping guitar sound more reminiscent of traditional metal bands really. First song on the album that fades. “Hex propaganda” has a great beat and melody, odd things to say about Black Metal perhaps, but I really like this one. Again the keys are pushed fairly far back into the shadows with guitar taking centre stage, and a fine job of it does Attila Magnus. This fades too, but the following track is almost pure thrash metal, and “Obscure wing of ascent” is one of the shorter tracks here, but also pretty much a standout for me. Superb guitar work on it and the drumming, thanks to Agzaroth, is ace too.

That just leaves us with two tracks to hear before saying goodbye to these guys, with “The black essence” really kicking out the stays and letting the lads loose to enjoy themselves, some badass riffing here but most notably we see the return of Ophion to the forefront, with some fine synthwork, and the album then closes on the almost prog-like “Cavernous prayers”, which actually at the last moment gets my vote for standout on the album, and it's up against some pretty stiff competition! The usage of the keys and choral vocals here swings it for me though. It's also an instrumental, and a damn good one.

TRACKLISTING

1. At the heart of Betlehem
2. Deconstruct Satanus knowledge
3. Satanum
4. Resurrection sigil
5. Hex propoganda
6. Obscure wing of ascent
7. The black essence
8. Cavernous prayers

I would not have expected anything of this quality a) from a black metal band and b) from an Iranian black metal band. These guys stand out from the crowd in their songwriting and their playing, and I can't fault even the vocals. With this being their first album I hope it won't be their only one; the world needs to hear more of this. A really worthy effort, and something you should check out.

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Mythsofmetal seldom lets me down, and at least he doesn't fuck around with me for his own amusement, recommending albums he must know I would hate and not want to listen to. He already helped me out bigtime with some excellent examples of Atmospheric Black Metal, so here's the first of his list of albums he thinks I should check out.
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Curse of the cwelled --- Forefather --- 2015 (Seven Kingdoms)
Last year I reviewed Steadfast and I'm told I didn't have a very high opinion of it, so mythsofmetal wants me to try again with the latest from British folk metal band Forefather. So here we go. Meh, I'm not impressed with the first track, which kind of passed me by. The vocals are certainly hard to make out, or at least the lyrics are. I can hear the guiy singing but not what he is singing. There's a nice kind of celtic feel to some of the melody, but I feel it lacks something. There's more energy in “The anvil”, and it bounces along nicely, while “By my lord I will lie” marches along with purpose, and “Fire of baited blood” (huh?) has a great sharp guitar driving it. I just feel there's nothing terribly much to excite me here. It's not to say the album is bad, cos it's not, but I just don't get as fired up about it as I had hoped I might.

The title track is the first one where I actually start to nod my head and think, yeah, there might be something here. There's an ominous, dramatic sort of ringing guitar tone flowing through the melody and it's quite catchy. From what I see from re-reading my review of Steadfast, this is the first time Atheistan gets on vocals, as we can hear the lyric much more clearly, whereas up to now we've had to deal with the appropriately guttural ones of Wulfstan. And here he comes again. “Awakened hate” strides along on a nice triumphant warrior-style line, and well we also hear Atheistan taking partial vocals here, which is good. “Painted with blood” is another one that rides along on a powerful guitar with a warrior chorus idea, but I'm still feeling the same as apparently I did last year: good album, but just that. Good. Not great, not special, doesn't blow my skirt up at all. Still four tracks to go, so maybe something will happen, but I'm not that hopeful.

There's more fine metal in “Rustics to remain”, but speaking of remaining, I doubt any of these tracks are going to remain in my memory once this album has ended. It's just not making an impression on me at all. The two guys certainly know how to play, but this seems like it's going to turn into a somewhat shorter version of the review from 2014, where I advise that there's nothing wrong with this album, but nothing really makes it stand out that much either. I find it hard to muster any enthusiasm, and this probably demonstrates why, when a band has not really impressed me with one album, it's probably not likely they will do so with another. I more or less had my say on Forefather last year. Mythsofmetal asked me to try again. I have, and my opinion remains pretty much the same. Nothing I hate about the album, but nothing I love really either. A solid metal album, but only that.

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Havoc on Holy Island
2. The anvil
3. By my lord I will lie
4. Fire of baited blood
5. Curse of the cwelled
6. Awakened hatred
7. Painted with blood
8. Rustics to remain
9. Edge of oblivion
10. Master of fate
11. The river-maid's farewell

Now that I've managed to struggle through Frownland's top ten, let me just make a little announcement. As a thank you to those who bother to submit top tens (even if they get trashed like I did some of Frown's!) I want to offer a little extra, so here's what I'm doing. First, every top ten will, after having been reviewed here, be reordered by me. This will be done in light of what I thought of the albums, and how, if they were in my top ten, I would have ranked them. Any albums that I hated and that would never be in my top ten will still be counted, as these are your lists and I intend to pay them the proper respect.

So, although in some cases half or more of your choices would never make it into my top ten, I will rank them as if they would. It will be interesting to see how different, or similar, the rankings end up.

But how does that help you? It doesn't of course. But in addition to this reshuffling I will be awarding each album a mark out of 10, and therefore a total percentage, where obviously a perfect top ten (in my mind) will get a 100% score while the worst ever will get 10%, 1 being the lowest I will award any album.

Whoever ends up with the highest score will be allowed to submit three more albums to be reviewed in the final week of Metal Month III, with certain caveats and conditions, which I will go into later.

So, whoever has what I consider to be the best list will be able to give me three more of his albums that maybe they had to drop from the list, making a top thirteen then in that one member's case. Scores will be revealed two days after the final top ten has been completed, which at this point is looking to be Oct 25.

Should I just recommend three albums right now, then?

The Greatest Show on Earth is easily the best album Nightwish have released so far. The track by the same name is also easily the best track they've ever done. The whole album is fantastic the more you listen to it.

Damned by faint praise.

Um, the album is called Endless Forms Most Beautiful. I might get more into it on other listens, but definitely up the final track I was not sold.
And incorrect too.
:shycouch:

I don't know what this means.

Nightwish ****ing sucks, so saying that it's their best album is like saying that it's better than getting shot in the stomach.

Sorry, got album title wrong. I had just woken up.

Members' Top Ten Lists
Okay, so it's on to Ninetales' list, which begins with this cheery specimen, described by himself as “depressing as all hell”. Nice.
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Blood of the Hermit --- Mortualia --- 2010

Well there are only five tracks, but every one of them runs over ten minutes, so we're still looking at nearly an hour here. Still, after only twenty-odd (very odd!) minutes of Zorn I'm ready to listen to, well, just about anything else. Hey, at least the music is great. Vocals are terrible of course, but I'm just kind of shutting them out. He's only screaming anyway and there are only about nine lines of lyric so we shouldn't hear too much from him. Oh of course it's a one-man outfit; some guy called Shautrag does, well, everything, so even if I hate his singing I have to give him kudos for the music.Which I'm really enjoying. Also, why are all the songs labelled “E” for explicit? I read no words on the lyric sheet I would consider such...

I love the way that, although the lyrics are depressing as hell indeed, the music is not doomy really, not slow, not funereal, actually quite uptempo in comparison. Second track's a little repetitive, though I do dig the riff. I suppose in essence though this album suffers from the same flaw I've seen in some of Frownland's, and that is that I really don't remember and can't distinguish tracks. It's kind of almost like one long continual flow of music from beginning to end. At least it's good music though! To be fair, “Sinister shine” has a really nice melody to it, that counteracts the mad screaming of our mate Shagrag. Kind of a finality to the closing track. Overall a very good album, which I didn't find depressing at all. Lyrically, yes of course; all he sings about is death and suicide and the futility of life. Maybe he should try looking on the bright side. And whistling. No, with a voice like that, perhaps not. His lyrics make it hard to raise a smile. But the music certainly did.

So on to his number nine album. Ah goddamn it to hell! A fucking double album! Do you people not realise how much work I'm putting in here?? Curse you all to the bleakest, autotuned pop depths! Gahhh!
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Verräter --- Leviathan --- 2002

It's a compilation, and I really should not allow those, you know, but I didn't specify so I guess I have to bend over and take it. Sigh. Okay, well the first thing I can even distinguish among all the noisy generic black metal is when we get to the second track, “Sucking at the teat of revenge”, where it goes kinda bluesy for a few moments, with a more sad, pathetic vocal line than the raving angry one he seems to be specialising in up to then. It's gonna be a long night! :rolleyes: Well now, “In this slaveship” starts off nice, very slow and sort of doomy with a nice guitar riff, almost atmospheric at times. Yeah, this one is pretty good. Next one's not bad either. I could get used to this. Maybe. If only there wasn't so much to get through! Oh well, at the time of writing I'm ahead of the game, so I suppose...

Pretty atmospheric and dark for “Shed this skin” and then “King of province: glacial” is a ten-minuter but starts really well. Ah yeah but I'm wrong, it's not good. It's fucking excellent! Really like this one! Almost speed metal at times, then dips into atmospheric, traditional, even progressive. Great stuff. Gets a bit monotonous after that, but then “Sklaverai” gets me interested again. Even get a “clean” vocal! For a while, anyway. Some pretty damn fine guitar too. “Cruelty juggernaut” certainly powers along like one, but also manages to have a really catchy, thrash metal melody, while the opening of “White devil, black metal” is all evil sounding with a dark, nasty voice and the ending is almost Country? “Opaque” is strangely relaxed with a really nice guitar line and even the vocals are tolerable. “The sinking” even has some bloody operatic ones! “Force the hand of evilution” (see what he did there?) :laughing: is also something of a surprise.

You know, vocals aside (and even they're not the worst I've ever heard) this is really quite listenable music, which is not something I really expect from Black Metal, especially Scandinavian Black Metal. I'm not actually saying I'd spin it again for fun, but it hasn't turned out to be the ordeal I had envisioned for the most part. “Carrion” and “It came in whispers” are particularly impressive, and I can make out some of the words in “Of wolves lineage, we are bond” even if the title is grammatically all over the place. Good closer and a good album, even if it is a double. Quite surprised really.

Number eight caused me some problems, and I had to wait till much later than expected before I could tackle it. Why? Because it’s over two hours long!
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Hin-fort --- Trist --- 2007

I’m not joking, by the way! The first track alone is one hour long! I guess we’d call it dark ambient metal, might have been a contender for a spot on “What’s that all about?” this year. Dark and atmospheric start to the opening track, the infamous “Hin”, and I won’t be surprised if it takes ages to get going, as after all how do you extend a single track to an hour? Well unsurprisingly we’re a mere five minutes in and nothing much has happened. Talk about building an atmosphere! In another world this would probably be a great darkwave or whatever album; nothing Metal about it yet, but I’m sure it will kick in at some point, probably with some harsh screamed vocals or battering guitars. Up to twelve minutes now, and though there have been little variations --- keyboard flourishes, little scraps of guitar --- the basic sound has not really changed, apart from becoming perhaps louder and a little fuller. From my very very limited experience of same, this seems like a Drone Metal album.

Oh hold on, something’s happening. Music is fading down, and a voice is speaking --- not singing, speaking, and very intelligibly too --- as if it’s narrating something. This is Tristan, the only member of Trist (ah, I get it now). This was unexpected, I must say. I felt the big droning intro was setting me up for an aural assault, but at the moment I don’t know what to think. We’re now in the fourteenth minute. Who knows what will happen between this and the sixtieth? Ah, here comes the frenetic guitar attack with added drums, yet somehow it seems to fit in with, not blow apart the rising drone, which is still there in the background. The voice has stopped by now, as it happens. The guitar has pretty much taken over with the hammering drums and we’re moving into minute twenty. A third of the way through. There’s definitely though a sense of cohesion about this track; it’s not just noise or angry guitars or one droning line --- well it is, but it all seems to mesh together really well.

Either some snarling now or a bass horn, can’t tell which. Heading into the thirtieth minute now, and I think, though I can’t be sure, that I hear a change in the chords, as in, there’s a very slightly different melody emerging? Might be imagining it. I’m enjoying it so far though. There’s a very definite melody threading all through this piece, it’s just a little hard to pin it down due to the pounding guitar being so front and centre in the mix, but I hear a lot going on behind it. Thirty-six minutes in and the guitar suddenly drops back, the drums stop and synth takes the main melody, elongating it out like a mobius strip stretching out across time itself. Talk about expansive! The voice is back. It’s talking about perceptions of reality and so on. The music is totally fading down now, and Tristan is talking about space and how it evolves.

Now the guitar pounds back in with the percussion, taking us into the fortieth minute and generally speaking, the melody more or less picks up where it began, which is no bad thing as it’s a really nice one, and it’s very odd because you would think that after three quarters of an hour at this stage it would be getting stale and repetitive, but somehow it isn’t. And the time has flown too. Only fifteen minutes to the end of the track. Never thought I’d say that! Mind you, another hour then to go for the rest of the album. An immersive experience to be sure.

We’ve now moved on to the second track (!) and it seems to be generally more of the same long drawn-out hum or drone; this one is a mere four minutes long, though to be honest from what I’m hearing it could be a continuation of the previous hour-long one. Oh wait, he’s talking again. Seems he’s some sort of magician and has invited a woman up on the stage, with the chilling challenge “You are not afraid of death?” She’s counting now, and getting very upset. Not sure what’s going on here. Now she’s screaming in terror or panic (probably both) and the track is over. Next it’s the sound of rolling thunder then that humming synth/guitar is back. This track is over eight minutes long. It seems to be pretty much the one rising tone all the way through. Then “Hilfe” is a short one, with female voices and perhaps film clips, whispering, shouting, crashing. The next three are all long, nine minutes, sixteen and thirteen respectively. If anything of note happens I'll let you know.

Nothing I can write about really. Atmospheric, ambient, droney, but essentially more or less the same (at least to my ears) all the way through. Clips from I guess horror movies with sort of ambient backing. The final track eventually has some nice music I can talk about, with a piano line and some acoustic guitar I think, interspersed with the sounds of people running and screaming, rain lashing down and finally we’re out.

It’s not like this is not a great album, but I found it quite a slog to describe, as for much of the time the same thing is happening just with little variations here and there. I’d describe it as an album that’s great to listen to, not so easy to review, at least relatively succinctly as I try to do here.

Number seven on his list then is this:
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Onward to Golgotha --- Incantation --- 1992

Another band I know nothing about. “The soundtrack to Hell”, says Ninetales, no doubt with an evil smile on his lips, but we'll see. At least it's a manageable size, ten tracks coming in at just over forty minutes. Yeah, this is not for me. We're on to track four and it's just a mess of thundering guitars and a vocal so low it's totally impossible to make out anything he's saying, assuming he's not just growling. Yeah, there's nothing here for me. Just downtuned guitars that seem mostly to be playing the same chords, no solos, no breaks, and the voice of a guy who sounds like he wishes he hadn't had that second curry.

Totally bored, and trying to get something from this turd, I checked out the lyrics, but nothing there either. Standard sub-Slayer material, nothing I haven't read before. In fairness, sometimes the guitars wind up and fly rather than plod along, but it's not enough to engage my interest for any more than a few seconds. The soundtrack to Hell? Maybe, if you're forced to listen to it.

I'm done with this, on autopilot now just waiting for it to end. Hope the next one is better, which would not be hard. Interestingly (perhaps the only point of interest on the whole album) there's a bonus track (which I did not listen to; why extend the misery any more than I need to?) which is called “Eternal torture”. Very appropriate.

I guess "damned by faint praise" would be something like Hitler telling you you're a great Nazi, or a guitarist claiming he's as "good" as the one in Nickelback... :laughing:

The real sin of this album.

Apart from having to listen to it...

Sorry man, somehow I missed your post. Don't want you to think I was ignoring it. I see what you mean, though for me there's a lot more I like Sabbath for. I understand as a guitarist though there are certain things you like, which is all good.

Dopesmoker? Yes I've listened to it. You'll have to wait to see what I thought of it though... ;)

Rihanna, Limahl and Fame? The only place you could possibly expect to hear these this month is when
METAL GOES
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Interesting fact: when Alien Ant Farm were considering releasing their first single from their second album, they intended to release a track called “Movies”, but a radio station played on air, without their permission, their cover of Michael Jackson's “Smooth criminal”. Seeing it was such a hit, if accidentally, the band decided to ditch their plans for “Movies” and rushed “Smooth criminal” out as their single instead. It brought instant recognition to a still-struggling band, and a top ten chart hit all over the world.
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“Smooth criminal” by Alien Ant Farm, from the album ANThology, 2001.
Originally by Michael Jackson from the album Bad, 1988.
Written by Michael Jackson.

The story goes that the band would warm up onstage at gigs by playing the first few bars of the song, and audience members encouraged them to play the whole thing, which led to them including it first as a badly-disguised copy in a hidden track called “Slick thief” on their first album, and then was properly recorded as an actual cover version for their second. As related above, it then gained radio airplay accidentally and became a hit for them. Whether or not Jackson gave his permission to record it, whether they paid royalties to him is unknown, but given its success you would imagine the Prince of Pop would have wanted his cut. Anyway here it is in all its glory.

It's a clever video, lampooning much of the antics of Jackson, including the “walking on lighted panels” thing from “Billy Jean”, a monkey sitting with the singer and of course the signature yelp from Jackson, which is I think possibly sampled. It's a good energetic version, and I do know the song of course but I wouldn't be as familiar with it as I would be with say “Bad” or “Billy Jean” or “Thriller”. I'd say they do a decent, almost punkish version.

One of my favourite French progressive metal bands up next. Adagio's Underworld just blew my mind, although its follow up Sanctus Ignis was a bit of a disappointment. This though is from their third album, and probably the most unlikely pop song you could imagine a band like them ever covering.
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“Fame” by Adagio, from the album Dominate, 2005.
Originally by Irene Cara from the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack to Fame, 1980.
Written by Micheal Gore and Dean Pitchford.
Everyone of a certain age knows of Fame, be it the TV show or the movie that spawned it, and this is one of the most famous songs from it, a song that led Irene Cara into a short spell of stardom as she went on to act and sing in films like Flashdance and, um, a bunch of other movies. She also acted on stage, most notably in adaptations of The Wiz and Jesus Christ Superstar. So would she recognise this version of one of her most famous songs?

Well it kicks off with a really fast and busy bass line, then a symphonic guitar and keyboard passage, with a relatively clean vocal, good guitar solo. They don't take the piss out of it too much, and you can certainly recognise the song. On a sidenote, interesting to hear the new at the time singer, Gus Monsanto, though I preferred David Readman.

Italian power metal band Elvenking paid tribute to eighties pop sensation Belinda Carlisle on their fifth album, covering her biggest hit single. Although she had other chart successes, and indeed found fame with the sixties pop group The Go-Gos, Carlisle is certainly best remembered by the general public for this song.
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“Heaven is a place on Earth”, by Elvenking, from the album Two Tragedy Poets (... and a Caravan of Weird Figures), 2008.
Originally by Belinda Carlisle from the album Heaven on Earth, 1987.
Written by Rick Nowels and Ellen Shipley.

No information points to why the Italian metalheads wanted to record this; there was no single release and the album they put it on turned out to be mostly acoustic material, as well as some re-recorded songs from other albums, so on the face of it not the sort of place you'd expect to see them covering a well-known pop song. But there it is. Did they acoustic it up?

No, they most certainly did not. It opens on a churning, grinding guitar, then keyboards before it explodes into the main melody. They don't, to be fair, pull away too far from the original but manage to give it something of a metal kick up the backside. Unfortunately, whether he has trouble pronouncing the word “living”, or misunderstands the lyric, the vocalist sings “In this world we're just beginning to understand the miracle of leaving”, which kind of distorts the message in the song! :laughing: At least they give it a bona fide metal crescendo ending. Throw those horns!

Keeping with power metal (not sure if they just tend to be the ones who cover pop songs more, or if these lists I'm using are intentionally skewed that way, or even if the compilers of the lists are lazy and just grabbing the best-known covers or the ones easiest to hand) we have a rendition of one of the sugariest and least likely at the time songs, which came from a movie that should in my opinion not have done as well as it had. With the breakup of the ludicriously-named Kajagoogoo (Sorry but I'll always have some hate for them when I remember a smartmouth DJ on radio, having played Twisted Sister, sneer “Twisted Sister! What a stupid name! Now here's Kajagoogoo!” Stupid cunt. Anyway...) their lead singer Christopher Hammill, who decided to make himself more interesting by reversing his surname and became the “enigmatic” Limahl :rolleyes: went solo, and this was his big hit, from the movie, as I say, of the same name.
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“The Neverending Story”, by Dragonland, from the album Holy War, 2002.
Originally by Limahl, from the OST to “The Neverending Story”, 1984. Also from the debut album by Limahl, Don't Suppose, released in 1984 as well.
Written by Giorgio Morodoer and Keith Forsey.

Interested to see what these guys did with the soppy fantasy song. Well it looks like they kicked it up several notches, with machinegun drumming and powerful guitar, though to be fair other than that it's pretty much the same, even retaining the keyboard flourishes that characterised the original. I'd like ot have heard it sung in a death growl, but you can't have everything. Meh, not bad. Well, if nothing else it made me hate the song all over again, so that's something surely.

Another song I really hate is Rihanna's “Umbrella” (yeah, e-ella, I know!) and I'm glad to see someone attempted to metal this up in 2007. Oddly enough, they being Swedish an' all, and singing in their native language, this cover is the only one to appear on Lillasyster's debut album Hjärndöd Musik För En Hjärndöd Generation (Braindead Music for a Braindead Generation) that's actually sung in English!
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“Umbrella” by Lillasyster, from the album Hjärndöd Musik För En Hjärndöd Generation, 2007.
Originally by Rihanna from the album Good Girl Gone Bad, 2007.
Written by Christopher “Tricky” Stewart, Shawn Carter, Thaddis Harrell and Terius “Dream” Nash.

It's one of those songs that really gets into your head (and I believe the video is a thing to see as well. Well, I've been told anyway...) and scored a number one hit for her across the world. One of those you couldn't get away from unless you unplugged the radio, sealed it in carbonite, buried it on a deserted island in the Indian Ocean ... and then dropped a ten-megaton bomb on it. And even then, that was by no means certain. So what was Lillasyster's version like, I hear you ask? See below:

Well it's got a nice rock vibe to it, while yet kind of retaining the r&b elements that made the song such a hit, including of course the annoying “Ella, ella, ella” chorus. Could have used a guitar solo.

I only have one suggestion:

And I would.

Alien Ant Farm are not a metal band. Please remove them.

No.

So you'll refuse to listen to half an album you'd already agreed to listen to, just cause you didn't think certain parts were metal enough, and yet you jam some band into a feature who are in no way, shape, or form metal? Like... at all?

Even if the band isn't, the song itself is definitely metallic. Maybe you should readjust your definition of what is metal and what isn't.

I see the Bon Jovi sisters are in agreement.

Yes.
:laughing:
Come on man: "Metal Goes Pop" is a light-hearted look at metal bands covering pop songs. Sure, AAF may not be metal but they're hardly avant-garde jazz or hip-hop now are they? Plus it's a cool video. Relax and have another beer.
:beer:
Also, I did listen to the rest of that Bungle album and quite liked it; I just don't see it as even coming close to metal, except on the opening and closing tracks. I've had a long heated PM back-and-forth with Frown so it's sorted.

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Killing machine/Hell bent for leather --- 1978/1979

While US fans will always know it by the latter name, Priest's fifth album came out under the name of Killing machine over here. You can see, I suppose, why CBS in America was concerned about an album with the UK title, having recently been through a lawsuit that alleged the band's culpability in the suicide of two guys. Though that suit was dismissed, the stigma no doubt hung over the band and they may have been gaining a reputation for being reckless about their lyrics, so to title an album Killing machine might have been a step too far for the touchy-feely American market. Over here, we lapped it up. Maiden had Killers, or soon would have, and English audiences were used to, or becoming used to, the often explicit imagery in Metal. With only the likes of Zep, Purple and BOC to draw their experiences from --- none of whom had really what could be called violent overtones --- a band like Priest was something of a culture shock to America, and they reacted as they usually do, by ensuring the offending article was either banned, protested against or watered down, in this case the last.

But whichever title means the most to you, whichever side of the water you're on, this was the album where Priest ditched entirely the progressive rock influences, and started writing much shorter and tighter songs. They also adopted the leather-and-studs image now forever identified with them, and enshrined too in one of the tracks here, as well as the US title of the album. It still failed to break them in the USA, but that was really more a case of a nation getting used to something new, and in time Americans would rock out and punch the air to the likes of Metallica and Slayer; just right now though, they were still working up to it.

“Delivering the goods” gets us underway, and lays down a marker for the band's new sound as well as roaring their mission statement. Right out of the gate it's a fast, snarly rocker with great boogie guitar from Tipton and thumpalong drumming from Les Binks, who would leave after this album. Halford's voice is darker, deeper and more of a growl at this point, but you can hear the strength in it, being held in check. Great solo and a powerful drumroll bringing this to an end then we're into a real boogie with “Rock forever”. Okay, so the title is hardly original, but then Priest were at this point going for a more commercial line. I find the riff in this very close to “Don't believe a word” by Lizzy, but it's a good rocker for sure. “Evening star” starts off as if it's going to be a ballad but then it turns into a kind of Southern rocker and it's very catchy: I would have said they could have had their first hit single with this, but I don't think it happened.

Kicking the speed right back up then for the title track (if you're in the USA) as “Hell bent for leather” sounds like something Bruce Dickinson must have listened to before cutting the first Maiden album he was involved with. I could hear Di'anno singing this too to be honest. It's a simple song but really gets in there, and there's a warbling guitar solo from Downing that just punches your face in. Then they try to copy Queen with “Take on the world” and to be honest it's a bit of an embarrassment, but if you like metal excess meets power anthem, then it may be for you. Great marching drum beat and a shouted chorus; sure this went down great onstage. Good god, they even use a gong at the end! :rolleyes: :banghead:

“Burnin' up” rides in very slowly, almost forty seconds before it gets going on barking guitar and then just flies along, a real headbanger, menacing vocal from Halford, then the next track is only on the US version and is a Fleetwood Mac cover and is pretty rockin' to be fair. The “other” title track is a stomping, grinding snarler as “Killing machine” keeps things heavy. “Running wild” makes me feel that Maiden really ripped Priest off a lot; this is really like “The Prisoner”. The boys finally take a breather with the only ballad, as “Before the dawn” looks back to some of the material from the first two albums, very pastoral, very progressive rock in its way, nice acoustic guitar and a very melancholy feel to it. The album closes then on “Evil fantasies”, a big growling stomper of a rocker where Judas Priest let their darker side out, and maybe it's a bit of a middle finger to those who don't understand their lyrics. Good ending.

TRACKLISTING

1. Delivering the goods
2. Rock forever
3. Evening star
4. Hell bent for leather
5. Take on the world
6. Burnin' up
7. The green manalishi (with the two-pronged crown)
8. Killing machine
9. Running wild
10. Before the dawn
11. Evil fantasies

It's another good album, but so far, though I haven't necessarily hated anything I've heard, I have not been blown away either. I don't get the same feeling I did when I listened to Maiden, Saxon, Tank, The Tygers or Motorhead the first time. This certainly steps up the gears and unleashes Judas Priest into the world as a leaner, keener, killing machine indeed, but none of these are albums I'd be particularly bothered listening to again. Next!

Full and fair disclosure: when I was growing up, as most of you know, my tastes were limited and so was my money, so there weren't all that many albums I could buy, which means there was a finite number of albums that really impressed me. This leaves me in something of a quandary, as I find one of the ones that did has already been reviewed but not for Metal Month, so in that spirit I'm going to reprint the odd review here if it's relevant to this section. Being who I am, I couldn't just do that and not say anything and hope nobody would notice. No, I had to create a whole new logo for this. And here it is.
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Everyone has heard and knows that one of the major bands that got me into Metal, other than Maiden, was Saxon, and while last year I featured Wheels of Steel and this year could have put in any of their early eighties material, I chose this one, not so much because of how good it is --- it isn't --- but because it perhaps showed at the time that the band were beginning to run a little out of steam, and this would be one of the albums that would sort of nudge me away from Metal for a while and more towards the burgeoning neo-progressive rock music that was coming up with my second-favourite band, Marillon, leading the way.

Even despite its faults though, and if for no other reason than that it is a Saxon album, and they being synonymous with my initial discovery of and love of the genre, this has to be considered part of
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Originally posted July 27 2012

1983 saw the release of Saxon's fifth album, as the NWOBHM began to burn itself out, leaving behind some massive piles of cinders, and a few hardened and tempered weapons who would be the mainstay of the metal scene in the eighties and nineties. Saxon of course fell into the latter category, and this album, their biggest selling, was the first to break them in the USA.

Power and the glory --- Saxon --- 1983 (Carrere)
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The first album to feature new drummer Nigel Glocker, the sticksman wastes no time establishing himself and setting his mark on this album from the opener, and title track, which rocks along and is a great headbanger, Biff's voice a little less rough and ragged as he began to find his true sound. I suppose if there's one negative thing you could say about Saxon it's that they were unadventurous, as much of each album sounds like the rest, and this, Strong Arm of the Law and Denim and Leather sort of blend together on occasions. But then again, you could also interpret that as the band finding what works, and sticking with it. Sometimes the fans don't want experimentation, don't want change: they know what they like, it works and they want the band to stick with it. Saxon certainly did not disappoint in that regard.

“Redline” is yet another motorbike-themed song, boogieing along with a great southern rock beat somewhat reminscent of “Hungry years” from Strong arm of the law, while “Warrior” pushes in on Manowar's territory, elbowing the Americans aside and showing how it should be done! Great rolling drumbeat from Glocker, hard and fast guitars from messrs. Oliver and Quinn, some great steaming solos and a powerful vocal from Biff. There's something of a change in style then for “Nightmare”, which has almost AOR overtones, though it's still very heavy. Very melodic, could have been good radio fodder. Maybe.

There's nothing outside-the-box though about “This town rocks”, as it powers along on rails of steel, striking sparks as it thunders along, and “Watching the sky” keeps things fast and heavy, with “Midas touch” slowing things down in an almost Iron Maiden ballad style a la “Children of the damned”, with some lovely blues guitar, sliding into a great heavy solo, and finally “The eagle has landed” takes us to the close of the album, with a superb slow cruncher opened by an almost three-minute instrumental, Biff's vocals double or echo-tracked to make them sound a bit psychedlic and weird. It makes a powerful finale to the album though, and in the best tradition of Dio it's a real power stormer.

TRACKLISTING

1. Power and the glory
2. Redline
3. Warrior
4. Nightmare
5. This town rocks
6. Watching the sky
7. Midas touch
8. The eagle has landed

Like I said earlier, this is where I stopped buying Saxon albums, as my tastes began to mature towards more progressive rock and drift away from metal, with bands like Marillion and Pallas coming through, so I really don't know what their releases after this album were like. Fact is, though Power and the glory had broken Saxon in the hard-to-crack USA, subsequent releases, paradoxically more polished and commercialised for the US market, failed to capitalise or improve on that success, and only the next two or three showed any signs of charting, and all in the lower end of the US charts. In the UK, things were just as bad, as fans over this side of the water reacted badly to the “Americanised” Saxon, with album sales suffering. The heady days of the early 80s, when they had enjoyed top ten or twenty positions with their albums for a period lasting about four years, seemed well and truly over.

But chart success is not necessarily the measure of a band, and certainly not a metal one, and Saxon continued churning out albums. They just did it without my involvement. Even now, I have heard the odd album but have never been that totally impressed. It's not that they let me down, or I feel they did, or even that their sound changed that radically, but sometimes, like with Dio, once you lose the initial impetus it's kind of hard to get back. It even happened with Maiden: after Brave New World, with the euphoria of Bruce's return wearing off, I found subsequent releases not really up to scratch. Of course, this year changed all that, but that's a story for later in the month.

Speaking of Iron Maiden...
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30 “Childen of the damned” (from The Number of the Beast)

Given that this was my first Maiden album, I found it a big surprise that the second track was a ballad! Starts off with a sort of acoustic guitar run and a low vocal from Bruce, although it does get harder and tougher for the chorus, but then just as you think it might be about to take off, it slips back to that gentle guitar. It's only when it gets about halfway through that you realise it IS going to pick up and speed along, ending in a big powerful scream from Bruce.

I like this track for various reasons. As I said, it's the first indication I had that Maiden, or any metal band given that they were my very first such, could even be interested in doing slower songs (even if this one did kick balls in the end) and also, I know the book on which the song is based, John Wyndham's The Midwich Cuckoos, so that helped, in the same way that being a fan of the TV show helped me appreciate “The Prisoner”, which came next, all the more. Also I think this was the first time I experienced Dickinson's trademark scream. No, wait: I had heard “Run to the hills”, hadn't I? Oh well, it's still a good story.
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29 “Blood brothers” (from Brave New World)
Reminds me a little of both the title track to Fear of the Dark and Afraid to shoot strangers (is there any significance that both those songs are on the one album?) but not only that, it reaffirms the committment of Bruce to the band. It's like he's saying I've been away but I realise this is the place I belong. A better metal anthem it would be hard to find.
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28 “To tame a land” (from Piece of Mind

Although I never read the books, I of course knew about Frank Herbert's “Dune” series, but the fact that, quite in contrast to Patrick McGoohan when asked for permission to pay homage to him, Herbert outright refused to let the band call the song “Dune”, leaving them with a rather more esoteric title for the closing track on their fourth album irks me. I mean, why not? Cos the cunt “doesn't like rock bands, especially heavy metal bands, especially Iron Maiden”? Self-important, pompous fucker.

Nevertheless, they made a great song out of it, with great sound effects like breathing and those slightly alien horn/whistling effects at the start, and despite Herbert's blocking of their using the name they used terms from his book. Let him ram that up his ignorant arse. Great closer to the album and it fades out just as it should.

27 “The Prisoner” (from The Number of the Beast

In a total reversal of the reception received by the boys above, star Patrick McGoohan, the very “Prisoner” himself, loved the idea and told the guys to go for it, and we end up with a powerful, slightly paranoid (as it should be) ode to the classic cult sci-fi TV series, with a great hook and a clip from the show to start it off. Not, to be fair, the greatest Iron Maiden song ever written, but it's great fun, and fits in nicely with the darker mood of the album overall, also the idea of things being controlled, directed by an unknown outside agency.
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26 “Prodigal son” (from Killers)

Yes, don't worry: there are Di'Anno era songs in the list. I'm hardly going to ignore the band's beginnings just because I prefer their later stuff, now am I? This song featured in last year's list, “Before the Beast”, though of course that was only a top ten and restricted to the first two albums, so consequently this song came higher in that list. Still, I think, given that it's not my alltime favourite Di'anno era song it's done quite well. One of the first proper ballads from Maiden, following “Strange world” from the debut, I've never quite been able to make out what it's about, but it has a lovely rolling rhythm to it, and I think much of it is played on acoustic guitar. Di'Anno, to be fair, puts in a star performance, toning his usual more guttural vocal down to ease us along in the song, and it's good too that there is no actual resolution to the dilemma proposed when he sings “I'm on my knees, help me please. Oh Lamia please try to help me: the devil's got hold of my soul and he won't let me be.” I like too that it ends on exactly the same guitar phrase as it begins.

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25 “Holy smoke” (from No Prayer for the Dying)

The main thing I love about this song is the humour that Maiden poke at organised religion, and one would assume, primarily Catholicism, with the idea taken up by Genesis and others of sticking it to televangelists, and the usage of the title to predict what is going to happen to those men of the cloth who fail to carry out their work in a genuine way --- “Holy smoke, plenty bad preachers for the devil to stoke” --- puts the cherry on top. I love how Bruce takes (without any disrespect) the persona of God, or Jesus, as he declaims against those who are perverting his word. The manic glee with which Maiden snap at religion here --- and we all know how well metal and the Church have got on down the decades! --- is almost cathartic. When Bruce sings “I've lived in filth, I've lived in sin and it still smells cleaner than the shit you're in!” I can't help but grin. I'm sure the BBC would have banned this if they could, but by now it's too late and the internet is king.
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24 “Only the good die young” (from Seventh Son of a Seventh Son)

We had the opener from this album, and the closer ain't bad either. It's just kind of ... most of what's in between doesn't really do it for me. But this is a great song, powering along on a strong percussion line from Nicko and driven by the twin guitars, a real breath-taker. I like how it starts almost as if it's coming direct from another track, it's not too long and Bruce squeezes every ounce of menace out of his voice in this finale to the album. The little coda of “Seven deadly sins” that originally opened the album is a great touch.

23 “Flight of Icarus” (from Piece of Mind)

This one gets a lot of stick, but it's a favourite of mine. Yes, they totally fuck up the legend of Daedalus and Icarus, making the father out to be evil, but so what? It's got a killer guitar opening, it has a huge Dickinson scream at the end, it's great fun and it was yet another excuse to hear Maiden on the radio and see them on TV. What more could you want?

22 “22 Acacia Avenue” (from The Number of the Beast)

Love the opening chugging guitar that just keeps going as Bruce's vocal comes in, and we're told this is the sequel to the far inferior “Charlotte the harlot” from the debut album. Maiden get a lot of props from me for this, because as I mentioned before, they take an atypical view of prostitution here. While most bands --- certainly most metal ones --- would be leering and laughing, perhaps considering punishment for the “whore”, having fallen so low, Maiden take a more sympathetic view, and in fact the song is about trying to get Charlotte to “Give up all this mad life” and come away with him. A metal band making an honest woman out of a hooker? That's what makes this song what it is, and why I rate it so highly. Not to mention the superb guitar solos at the end.

21 “Another life” (from Killers)

From the rolling drum intro to the screaming guitars that join it, to that hammerpunch ending, this is a great example of what Di'Anno could do when he put his mind to it. Killers is a great album, but there are some duff tracks on it, to my mind. This isn't one of them; while at the same not being close to my favourite on it, it's still worthy of inclusion reasonably high.
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Yeah, that's so much less condescending. I love Maiden, but this song is kind of out of touch in 2015.


And "Hellbent for Leather" has so much more personality as an album title than something as generic as "Killing Machine".

Well so is a lot of Maiden's music now, but this was pretty progressive, lyrically speaking, in 1982.
Yeah but it's so gay. I mean, could it be any more gay?

And yet it's still more badass than Killing Machine.

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What artiste do you think least inspires a metal cover? Well, tons probably, but given the fact that they were the mainstay of the disco ,movement in the seventies, I think The Bee Gees qualify to be right there at the front of the queue. And so do these guys, who have built a semi-career on metalling up their music.
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We Rock Sweet Balls and Can Do No Wrong --- Tragedy --- 2008

With a new album in the pipeline for this year (the video released from it lampoons the Grease hit by Olivia Newton-John and John Travlota, “You're the one that I want”) Tragedy have released four albums, of which this was their debut. Not all of them feature music by the Bee Gees, but most do, and those that don't tackle the soft-pop/disco music of other artistes such as Neil Diamond, ABBA and KC and the Sunshine Band. They also number a Barry Gibb in their ranks, but although this would be hilarious, I've checked his Wiki page and find no reference to Tragedy (other than the song of course) so must conclude the guy here is just using his name or, perhaps in a staggering coincidence, it's his real name. Either way, they're a five-piece (unless you count “Lance: towel boy, complete idiot”), most of whom use or have a variation on a Bee Gees name --- Andy “Gibbous” Waning, The Lord Gibbeth, Mo'Royce Peterson etc --- and all of whom, of course, sing lead vocals. Sounds like this could be a blast.

Great guitar boogie and then a voice which may not be as high as the original (could anyone be?) but he gives it a go. No idea who's singing of course, but it's really funny. The fast percussion really works. Definite feel of G&R covering this. Great ending and into “Jive talkin'” as you've never heard it before. Big hammering guitar before we move into the main riff, though we only get the main keyboard motif once, which is a pity. Supplemented with a great guitar solo though, so I'll forgive them. Okay, we get it twice; it's also right at the end. Now this is going to be interesting: “How deep is your love” gets another punching guitar makeover and there is of course nothing of the soft, sweet orchestral keyboard from the original; it's like they're kicking and battering it and dragging it through the muck. Lovely.

Some very good vocal harmonies, as I guess you'd expect, but Tragedy really hit their stride in the midsection of this song, and although it's nothing like the slushy ballad it originated as, it's not unrecognisable. Not quite. Great guitar riff to close and we're into “You should be dancing”. Oh this is going to be good. With a power metal march and squealing guitars we suddenly get quite a falsetto vocal (fair play to whoever is taking the mike at this point) and we get a real fretfest in the middle which really rocks the song up. You should be headbanging, perhaps? There's a great guitar-backed section then in the third minute (this version runs for over seven!) which sounds somehow ominous, and then shouted group vocals “Dance!” and then we get a Black Metalesque oration, firmly in its mouth. This is fucking incredible. Dance to the apocalypse. Fuck, yeah! Definite standout so far. It even ends on the riff from “Iron Man”. Unbe-fucking-lievable!

I actually don't know “Our love – don't throw it away”, but it seems to be a ballad and they actually use the piano here, courtesy of Disco Mountain Man, then Mo'Royce Peterson's guitar snarls in and it takes off, a power ballad with real power! Maybe a little too long at just over six minutes, but done very well. Seems like they're putting in a Southern Boogie style guitar solo here at the end. Now that's how to do it! And just when you think it's ending on a soft little guitar riff, they throw in a power chord to bring it to a shuddering close. “More than a woman” thunders along on the guitar, with those great vocal harmonies and then we get one of the centrepieces surely, as they attack “Night fever” with a will. Big roaring guitar and a howling vocal before the song explodes all over the place with a real Iron Maiden feel and a cool solo from Peterson. “Shadow dancing” is, unfortunately, the other track on the album I don't know, so I can't really comment on it, other than to say it's a good guitar boogie with the vocal more or less back in Axl Rose territory.

Meh, it's okay but I would rather have had, I don't know, maybe “You win again” or something. Anyway we're now into “Too much Heaven”, which gets a total power ballad treatment, with a “Kashmir”-like rising guitar intro that somehow they make fit into the melody of the song. Fucking brilliant. Sitar-like guitar in the middle eighth and a group vocal chorus, be interesting to see if they can hit the high note at the end. Well, fuck me! They did! Back into “Kashmir” for the ending. We close, on what else but “Tragedy” itself, driven on a busy guitar line which does manage to capture the slightly manic sense of the original song as it rises, rises and rises in intensity and the guys certainly rise to the occasion. Superb. What a finish!

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Stayin' alive
2. Jive talkin'
3. How deep is your love?
4. You should be dancing
5. Our love – don't throw it away
6. More than a woman
7. Night fever
8. Shadow dancing
9. Too much Heaven
10. Tragedy

It's hard to know whether these guys are poking fun at The Bee Gees or actually like them and want to record their music. They certainly remain true as they can to the originals, while still putting their own metal slant on them, with at times hilarious results. Whether they have just found a niche they can exploit, or are really trying to start a new subgenre, it would seem that on the basis of this and presumably the rest of their albums, which I intend to explore in due course, the phenomenon of what they term themselves on their fourth album, disco-metal, is here to stay!

And I couldn't be happier!

So for once we've actually had a proper band that has a career and though they were not the kind of music I would prefer, at least they weren't some scrotes with a three-track demo from Upper Volta. Let's see what kind of luck we have this week as we take our second trip into
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Well, well, well! Looks like we're back to normal. What was that I said about demos? These guys have them, and three of them, but only up as far as 2006, with no albums, and with a name like that I am not going searching for them on YouTube; doubt I'd find them anyway but the idea of what I might stumble across (shudder!) --- no way man. Oh, they're from Brazil in case you were wondering.

On we go then.

Across the road, it would seem, to Chile. :rolleyes:
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That somewhat hard to read logo says Perverze, and yes, they're split up and have a demo tape. Gods of Metal, take pity on me! Third time lucky then...

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Noisegrind eh? Sounds enchanting. Well, at least they have an album. Three, in fact. Guess we're looking into them then.
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Name: Knelt Rote (don't ask me!)
Nationality: American
Subgenre: Black Metal/Noisegrind (oh joy!)
Born: 2008
Lineup: Gordon Ashworth (Vocals, Guitar)
Lucas Danner (Guitars)
Kevin Schreutelkamp (Bass, Vocals)
Elias Bloch (Drums)
Albums: From without (2008), Insignificance (2010) and Trespass (2012)
Live albums: None
Compilations/Anthologies/Boxets: None

There isn't too much information I can get on these guys, but from the description of their music I think it may be a short review. However I'm told their early albums were a mixture of “power electronics” (whatever that may be) and noisegrind, while the later ones see a move towards a fusion of noisegrind and black metal. Oddly enough, perhaps, it's that one, their most recent, that I'm going for.
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Trespass --- Knelt Rote --- 2012 (Nuclear War Now! Productions)

Several reasons I've gone for this. First, I don't know what power electronics is but looking at the lengths of the tracks (all in the one to two minute range) I feel it may be pretty brutal and hard to even get any sort of idea as to what the music is like. The middle album has a track on it that is fourteen minutes long, and finally this is the only one that comes up on YouTube, Spotify and GPM both hiding and shaking their heads and asking me to please go away when I type the name in. So this is the one, like it or not, that we're stuck with, but in any case if I have to listen to any of Knelt Rote's albums, I would probably have ended up choosing this one.

Well we kick off with “Usurpation”, and it's the standard hammering of black metal guitars and a dark, scratchy voice probably reading a bus timetable or something (no lyrics available). I can hear the occasional riff makes its way through the general noise but there's nothing to write about as such, so far anyway. “Hunger” is pretty much more of the same, with a rather disturbing and disgusting noise at the end, like someone with a bad cold snuffling. Yuck. The next track is slower, more grindy and favours the bludgeoning approach rather than the stab-n-slash of the first two tracks, though “Passenger” does quicken its tempo about halfway through. That nasty sound is at the end of this one too.

“Succumb” is just a wall of noise, and there's nothing more I can tell you about that, while it battered into following track “Compress” and continued without my even realising we had switched tracks, so that tells you all you need to know. At least “Identical” does not live up to its name, opening with sound effects and then a slow, doomy, sullen guitar riff. It would need to be a little different, as it runs for almost eight fucking minutes! This slow grind lasts for about three minutes, so that's not bad, but then the next four are spent in faster thrash with attendant growls, so we're back to normal it would seem. Luckily for me, this leaves only two tracks, one of which is short, one of which is not.

“Interlude” has a nice sound to the title, and has a relatively restrained and atmospheric guitar opening, and in fact compared to the music Knelt Rote have been assaulting me with since this album began, it's mnelodic and even relaxing, with I think no vocals, which in this case is certainly a plus. As I said, it's short --- at least, in comparison to the closer --- at just over three minutes, while the last nail in the coffin comes in the six-minute-plus form of “Catalepsy”, as the band return to the pummelling attack they seem so used to. There is something of a guitar break in the second minute, but it doesn't last, and the overall effect is of being chopped to death by whirling helicopter rotor blades.

While someone screams gibberish at you.

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Usurpation
2. Hunger
3. Passenger
4. Succumb
5. Compress
6. Identical
7. Interlude
8. Catalepsy

Nothing to say really: mostly just noise and anger and aggression and power. I can't even give them a pass based on their lyrics, as I did with Exhumed, because I can't find any. Just not for me, not even with my newfound semi-appreciation of black metal. If this is noisegrind, then file it away with grindcore under the heading DANGER: DO NOT LISTEN IF YOU ARE TROLLHEART!

I don't do half cleavers, so it gets a very grudging
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Meh, at least we weren't pussied into changing the title. I mean, what is it with America? You're one of the most powerful countries with some of the most violent people in history, and yet you cringe and worry that a title sounds too dark on a metal album? Hell Bent for Leather sounds like it should be the name of a gay club, or a BDSM club. Or a gay BDSM club. I'd be embarrassed asking for an album with that title! :laughing:

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Another interesting album released in March is this one by a band who, though they're called Viking, are in fact thrash metal. Hmm. Read on...
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No Child Left Behind --- Viking --- 2015

Introduction: I don't know if this is the longest a band has gone between albums, but it certainly must be up there among them, as this is Viking's third album, their previous having been released in 1989! That makes a staggering twenty-six years between albums! Some bands don't even last that long. So what have they been doing in the meantime?

Track-by-track

1. 9:02 on Flight 182: Is this a reference to one of the planes from 9/11? Starts with control tower chatter and such, but then the vocalist is singing about 1978, so I guess not. Heavy, pounding track with a fast, rapid-fire delivery at times on the vocal. It's energetic, passionate, but I'd just say all right; nothing that makes me gasp “Where have these guys been all my life?”
2. By the brundlefly: Huh? What's a brundlefly? Well anyway, good driving rhythm that really makes you want to headbang (if only I had more hair!) and certainly has thrash written all over it. Other than that though, meh. Again nothing that gets me particularly wet.
3.Blood eagle:Okay, now this is a great title for a band whose name is Viking. We all know what the Blood Eagle is, right? Well the song rockets along and as you would probably expect has a lot of anger and menace in it, especially in the guitars and the hammering drumbeat.
4. Debt to me: Feel there's a mix of Metallica and Maiden in here. Still not all that terribly impressed though I have to say.
5. An ideal opportunity: Went by without my even noticing. That cannot be good.
6. Eaten by a bear: Like this better. Has a great riff and drives along really well. Great title too. Sort of a moaning, droning, lamenting vocal. I love when he sings “Please don't eat me!”
7. Wretched old Mildred: About a witch? Well it has a nice grindy feel about it and I like the way he sings the chorus. Other than that, it's not too different from the rest of the tracks here.
8. A thousand reasons I hate you: I love this! The lyric is fucking immense! “I hate the way you look and I hate the way you blink, I hate the way you talk too much and I hate the way you think!” Absolutely hilarious. One of the best tracks here. Great aggression but with a large side order of humour to go. Brilliant.
9. Helen behind the door: Meh. Too long by far at six minutes for what it is. Gets very wearing after two.
10. Burning from within: Okay, they're obviously just having fun here but it's a headbangfest and little else. Meh.

Conclusion: It's okay I guess but if I had heard my favourite band was coming back on the scene with a new album after a quarter century absence, I don't think I'd be too impressed after listening to this. For diehard fans of Viking only, I would suspect.