Xothist - Simulacrum

This is a hefty slab. Dense atmospheric black metal, a mass of distortion by the guitars, an otherworldy atmosphere. More of that spacey stuff. It all runs together to create an astral void of bleakness. Unbelievably raw too. Darkwave influences can be found. Quiet vocals buried underneath that thick wall. I love it when a tremolo riff is so raw, you can barely hear the tremolos, but you hear that amazing melody they create. Catharsis personified.

Paysage d'Hiver

This is one of, if not my number one favorite black metal project. A one man band by Swiss musician/label owner Wintherr. The name translates to "winter landscape", and take all the common and defining aspects of black metal to the extreme. When it's lo-fi, it's inhumanly raw. When it stretches a song with repetition based around minimalism, it goes for 20 minutes. When it's cold, it's literally samples of icy blizzard-esque winds. Everything about this project completely embodies what this whole journal special is all about.



Though (in my honest opinion) none of these albums are anything short of a masterpiece, I maintain the self titled as my favorite, and the best starting place for anyone. When that violin comes into the first track... Pretty much one of the best things music has to offer.


Darkspace

Darkspace are Wintherr's other project, and a relatively different feeling is present in it's output. Much in the way of all those "spacey" bands mentioned before, but pretty much the king of them all. Instead of blizzard soundscapes of the Winter, Darkspace uses synths and samples to create vast psychedelic soundscapes. as for the metal aspect, the sound is fairly similar in regard to lengthy repetition and rawness, but Darkspace manage to be much heavier. Paysage sticks with airy tremolos a lot, but Darkspace bust out some ultra heavy crunchers and some massive chugs, evident pretty quick in this album. And they come out so well.

Let's take a stroll through Fallen Empire Records
https://images.bigcartel.com/bigcart...E_2b_740px.jpg
Music | Fallen Empire Records

This is a label specializing in some seriously kvlt stuff.

Current roster:

Arnaut Pavle
Aureole
Axis of Light
Death Fortress
Endlichkeit
Eos
Lluvia
Serpents Lair
Skáphe
Tardigrada
Vorde
Xothist

A major force in the raw and/or atmospheric black metal scene.

Standouts:

Two song ****. Reckless business.
Adversarialism | Fallen Empire Records

This has the black punk swagger like Bone Awl, Raspberry Bulbs, or Ildjarn. One of my favorites of the style. Short and sweet, raw and fierce, but still managing to be catchy.
Arnaut Pavle | Fallen Empire Records

Asphyxiating black metal is right. This is dense, atmospheric, and mind compressing. They pull of the claustrophobic feel like no other. Underground, and by that I mean literally underground, like caverns of rawness
https://skaphe.bandcamp.com/album/sk-phe

Endlichkeit might be top for me. Even if just atmospheric black metal, they are a great listen, and super consistent. Wolves in the Throne room vibe almost. Minimalistic riffs and repetition. This is also how I think black metal vocals should be. Clearly audible, but low in the mix for that distant feeling. The vocals are airy and and spot on.
https://endlichkeit.bandcamp.com/alb...lichkeit-iii-v

Goofle knows this one.
https://misthyrming.bandcamp.com/alb...-elds-og-rei-u

Quickly zapped through those albums and loved a lot of it.
Never heard any of them before. Thanks!

I don't know if you even care, but I just wanted you to know I read your entries and you did a great job. I'm a bit surprised the likes of Batty, mythsofmetal and Frown aren't commenting here, but that's their business I guess. I know when I write, and put a lot of thought and energy into my pieces, I like to think someone is reading and maybe will be moved enough to respond. So here's a response.

I'm sure loads of people did read, and are still doing so, as you have a very descriptive turn of phrase and can certainly evoke the right mood with your writing. Great work!

I second Trollheart. This is probably the most varied and interesting thread on MB (at least that I read frequently). Sorry about your struggles with homelessness a few posts ago, I wish you luck.

Psh those few posts were a while ago, and I assume were discussing a time even before that. Check out my Odyssey (I'm very far behind)

No computer access but here's on of the best black metal artists to listen to

There's something about it...

The winter...

Isolation...

Solitude...

In my town, there's no shortage of deep woods. Almost at every turn. I've never felt so at ease within them, within winter. The urban sounds of cars and machinery gone... It is silent. A deep and reflective silence. Return to your primal state if not just for a moment.

A story in progress

Searching for a Close Friend part 1

It was a period of just three days from meeting him to the moment when he’d ultimately decided to leave. I can’t blame him though. It goes to show you that we’re all talk, and those who follow through have the rest of us bewildered, completely dumbfounded. He did what? Really? The words would be repeated until all meaning. Yeah, he did. What did you expect? He was the closest friend I’d ever had and surely ever will. He was everything I am and everything I’m not all at the same time. He was perfect. I’m so vain. All I wanted was myself, and someone confident in being that. I Know I wasn’t, not at all. But he was. He was confident in myself, and I’d never known the feeling. True to his word he left us. I envy him. I would know no other. If no one misses you, you’d thrive even more. But I hope you know that I miss you, more than I can express. You still walk beside me, within me, you reflect in the mirror. I’d never know true solitude as long as I remember you.

On a pale December afternoon, I walked home the from the last day of school before the weekend. Overhead, soft and foggy clouds joined together to blanket the sky in grey. Before my eyes danced a lone snowflake, the first I’d seen this year. With a nimble subtlety, it fell slowly and gracefully. It continued to dance for me, as if asking me to join. “I’m not a good dancer.” I said quietly to the snowflake. It would remain with me until it hit the ground, and more slowly followed. Cold but not unpleasant, the air wanted me to stay. By now I’d made it to my hotel and stood outside my room. Once inside, this day is over. Everything that happened today gone, as if it never happened at all. I’ll stay in this room for the weekend, alone or with my parents. No feelings from today. I’d be left just with a crippling indifference. Feeling somewhere in between woefully alive or blissfully deceased, yet still far from either. As more snowflakes danced to the ground and I adjusted to the cold, I walked past my room. I knew of an often empty meadow nearby that I enjoy spending time in alone, and made for that direction. Not even ten minutes away, I came here often. It was far enough from the street that the sounds of traffic were muffled or totally silenced. It was generally peaceful.

I came to the area and walked through a clearing in the bushes, on a trail that led from one side of the meadow to the other. It opened up wide after about a football field’s length. There was a group of large boulders here that I went to sit on. Alone on the rocks, I observed nature’s nuances. The slight swaying of tree branches in the odd breeze, leaves rustling and falling. I was silent and still. I didn’t want to disrupt anything. I’m always that way. I feel so insignificant and unimportant that nothing meaningful could ever come from my actions. I try not to interfere with the world around me, it’s bad enough I’m here as it is. I often feel that I don’t deserve it. It’s not meant for me, or vice versa. It’s meant for successful people, popular people, people doing what people have to do, and doing it right.I’m not any of that. Here I sit, alone, no goals, no prospects, nothing on the horizon, and no one. Life should be a reward for those other people, but they don’t see it that way. They take it for granted. Instead it becomes a punishment for me. My state of mind deteriorates each minute, into a lukewarm puddle of a once strong and confident snowman. But he stood through many days and nights with ease. He once felt strong and surrounded by loved ones. The might still be somewhere near, but the snowman has since melted and he cannot see them. Just a puddle of water. It’s hard to see anything when you are but a puddle. It’s hard to move, it’s hard not to move. But most of all, it’s hard to feel. The puddle is alone no matter its size. Even a lake is just a large puddle being taken advantage of. I wonder if lakes enjoy people swimming in them, or if they are disturbed by the fact that they barely serve any functions. Well, that’s not true, the lake is a source of water and not a friend. The puddle is less than the lake. The puddle is a nuisance. Children who splash in the puddles don’t know where they’re from or what’s inside. They splash in the sad remains of that snowman. The puddle will evaporate soon, and no one will miss it, no one will notice. Because the puddle is nothing. The puddle is a representation of a beautiful occurrence that has since ended, leaving just a small splash of water. If not evaporated, it will soak into the Earth to nourish the area around it. The puddle’s purpose exists in it’s demise. I will serve the world better once I am gone and forgotten.

Alone, watching the trees converse and squirrels and small rabbits run. But still they stop near each other. Don’t flee from me, I am not your predator. I am much larger than you physically, but just as small inside. If I could tell you, I would, although I don’t think you’d believe me. The world has made us untrustworthy of everything and everyone aside from those most similar to us. But I am no predator. If anything, I envy you. You can do everything I can’t and can unattach yourself from anything without any doubt. You can leave. You can give it all up so easily if it doesn’t work.

The animals scurry away from the trail as a young man makes his way through the clearing, same as I had. “Great,” I thought, “Company.” He came through slowly but surely. I didn’t want to interact, but I wouldn’t avoid it.

“Are you cold out here?” He asked.

“A little bit. It’s not bad.”

“By yourself?” You don’t know the half of it, I thought.

“Yeah, just me. Didn’t want to go home at the moment.” He stopped when he came to the rocks. After a brief pause, he spoke again.

“The weather seems to reflect from within us. Here we are with a grey day for our grey feelings. And there is just the slightest snowfall. It’s change. Seasons changing. It starts out small.” I nodded silently. “But a very large storm is on the horizon. Storms are nasty for people, but beneficial for the rest of the world.” Pause. “I normally come in here because most of the time it’s unpopulated and peaceful. Are you doing the same?”

“Yeah, I guess. This is what I’d be doing at home anyway.”

“Lame.” He said. I shrugged. “I’m going to walk through a bit, I’ll let you to be.” This felt like one of those opportunities to make a friend that I always blow.

“I’m actually walking in too. I need to go that way anyway..” Not that my hotel was on on the way, but it still led back to the road. I hopped down off the rocks. This boy and I were probably no less than two years apart.

“Go to school today?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“How was it?”

“You’ve been to school before, haven’t you?”

“Not for a while.”

“I’m sure it hasn’t changed.”

“I dropped out of high school during my sophomore year. It didn’t do anything for me.” I thought back to my own sophomore year when I had considered doing the same. But of course, I couldn’t commit. I was back in class in a week.

We didn’t talk much as we progressed through the meadow. We each watched our surroundings as we passed them, side by side. My new acquaintance would break the silence. “Do you have any plans this weekend?”

I shook my head. “Nope.”

“Maybe we could hang out? If you want, I don’t have anything going on either.”

“Sure.” I said passively.

“Sweet. I’ll give you my number, or you can give me yours, I’ll just give you a text so we both will know each other’s.” He pulled a cellphone from his pocket. “Alright.” He said, then I gave him my number as he punched it in. Then I felt mine buzz in my pocket. I had one message from him. No one else. “Alright, we’re in business.” He said. We were approaching the end of the trail and the entrance to some residential area. We stopped before stepping onto the paved road. “Well, I’m going this way.” He said, pointing in the opposite direction I was headed.

“Alright, man. I’ll call you tomorrow or something. Take it easy.” We waved and began our separate ways home.

I’d have to walk for a little bit before getting on the street to circle back to the hotel. “Cool.” I said to myself. “Someone to hang out with. Could be nice.” My phone was still in my hand. No new messages from anyone else, and there hadn’t been for some time now. This wasn’t for lack of trying on my end. I must not deserve a response, I thought, jumping to the “everyone hates me” card right away as usual. Sure, no one talks to me, but I don’t make it any better when I think the ways I do. They’re ignoring me, they hate talking to me, they don’t want me in their life. Get over yourself, you crybaby. I have to make everything about me, good or bad. It’s somehow always something to do with me. People can’t have their own lives and problems. I have to one-up their grief. I’m so selfish. Still, it brings me great sorrow and emptiness. I don’t exactly have a lot of time to talk to people (due to not having the means, nothing to do with a schedule), so in the time that I do, it would mean a lot to me. So when I’m left hanging, I get real depressed. Maybe next time, I tell myself, next time they’ll be free or feeling better. Right now’s not a good time. Next time comes around and I tell myself the same thing, over and over. Next time. Next time. Oh, maybe next time? We haven’t talked in weeks, maybe you’ll feel like it next time? You still don’t want to. That’s fine, I’ll try next time.

The individual only knows themself, and it creates negative feelings inside. Because you don’t understand anyone else, you can only beat yourself up. I think we’re all inherently selfish like this. Because it’s easy, we feel the need to blame something, and it’s always ourselves in the end. We know ourselves better than anyone else and it’s easiest to blame yourself. You’re your own punching bag. I don’t know if my need to be worse off than everyone is shared by others, though. It seems a bit weird. And it doesn’t make a difference when everyone’s hardships are completely subjective and personal.. There’s no comparison, really. Moods don’t go up and down from person to person, but side to side. In that sense, there’s no magnitude of certain feelings, because they’re different for everyone else. The depression I feel doesn’t relate to people’s reasons for not talking to me. Still, it’s disappointing, you know? To reach out but grab no hand. So you’re left alone in a deep hole of self loathing, and no one is here to help you out. At least, I want affirmation. I end up falling into the hole for no reason. When it’s up to you to figure out on your own why it’s happening to you, you jump to the worst possible conclusions. Without acknowledgment or affirmation, you’re left thinking that you don’t even deserve it. But alas, I am melodramatic and manic, giving myself the ideas that people don’t want me in their lives, and not knowing otherwise just makes it worse.

I walked down the road as snow continued to trickle. It was too warm to stick, so each one would soon fade. A smaller puddle. From birth, to the descent, to death. The flake’s life is short and unimportant. They are released from the clouds for a short while, and slowly fall, losing mass each passing second. Then they land, they are barely anything anymore. A shell of what they used to be, alone to die without meaning. They’re martyrs, sacrificing their lives to prolong and exponentiate their immediate habitat. Being alive, I am worthless. The time will come to finally serve a purpose, when I fertilize the soil with my bodily elements, or maybe become a meal for some hungry animal. They will be fed and nourished after I’ve passed. The ground will be livelier and the grass greener when I’m gone.

actually finished something https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...LmaTaVq2wQ/pub

I bring good tidings on behalf of TRBLSLD industries

I am actually a fan of this holiday season. It brings to life a general feeling of jovial affability. There are die hard holidayers out there that emanate joy and cheer. The commercial aspect is meaningless to me but the hype that builds during the season is that of glee. I always hope everyone has a fantastic holiday stretch. I know I haven't for so long, and have often felt terrible, and would never wish anyone else to feel the same. From experience, it's not a good time. I'd rather eliminate the negativity altogether. Whatever you do or celebrate, it is still a time for coming together and kind spirits.

Even before moving some three years ago, Christmas had already begun its downward spiral for me. I think we've been completely penniless for the last five years or something, and morale dropped further with each one. Family, relations, positivity has since reached an all time low. The most wonderful time of the year has day in and day out eroded the self esteem of myself and those around me.

My first Christmas living in lake tahoe came in 2013. We'd only been here for three months, living consistently at the same weekly motel. While the holidays approached, we were living in our most impoverished situation yet. My parents were both jobless for so long and when winter came, the misery really kicked in.

My mom hates the way we live and never hesitates to be vocal about it. My dad has manic swings of mood constantly, so even though the angriest moments make it so hard to refrain from grabbing a kitchen knife and slitting his throat right there, barely is there ever any true substance to it. My mom doesn't understand that, all she does is make it worse. Life is just sooooo horrible for her that anything she says can launch a full on fit of completely unwarranted fury. I wish she'd learn, for how much it happens. She can't stand life and gives off nothing but extreme cynicism for everyone around, as if we weren't in the exact same place.

Poor and frustrated, a night I'll never forget snapped the threads of positivity once and for all. It was the worst night of my life at the time and the hardest I've ever cried. The first real display of emotion from myself, that I never thought I'd be capable of. As my blackout drunk father goes on and on about how much better he us than everyone else, and how he does so much for everyone on earth for nothing in return, my mom was packing her things and threatening to leave it all behind. Not the first and not the last time that's happened. A pretty frequent thing that never falls through. I hate to see her cry. I to see either of them cry. The image is a complete blow to the heart of a child. Continuing on about the world all coming together just to destroy him, my dad slurred out nonsensical derisions with no context at all. The second came that I lost it. I responded to his delusional ranting with some smart ass statement, and with that as always came this fit of psychotic rage. Already, crying, I start lashing out, I couldn't control it, it's been building for so long. I screamed these horrible things, how I wish he would just die, how I've always wanted to do it myself. At the top of my lungs I said the most horrible things that no one should hear, especially their own son. I ripped a lamp from the wall to heave at time but it didn't go far being plugged in, then I settled for a glass against the wall. My mom tried to get in the middle but he pushed her to the floor to get closet to me. I was so paranoid that he was going to hit me, but he never actually did, at least. Broken glass and debris was strewn about the room. He'd leave eventually which created a chill out buffet. But I couldn't chill. I couldn't talk. I couldn't breathe. I was weeping so immensely that I was a sobbing incoherent wreck. Everything getting soaked with tears. He never came back during the night, and I never stopped crying.

I'd try to leave now too. I'd try to hitchhike to Reno but only got to the end of town before being driven back. My mom would tell me that he was really sorry. He could never admit it on his own. You have no idea how bad that makes me feel. Like I said before, all you can do is let it pass. But I flipped into a horrible outburst, and I couldn't forget or take back the things I said. In the heat of the moment I'd completely rip into this man, unwarranted. Alcohol is seriously so bad for him and destructive, he really shouldn't drink. I told him that I wanted him dead. He doesn't deserve that.

The next day began and progressed as usual, what happened was over and we need to forget, but you never can. The moment will stick with you forever. If I thought that was bad, I had no idea what would come later. So Christmas came and I hadn't seen either of my parents the entire day.

2014's holiday season was nothing out of the ordinary. We remained poor and all the usual problems came up over and over, nothing new. Moving every week was taking it's toll on my parents, and crippling dejection surrounded us. Home for Christmas in a hotel room different from the night before. Nothing at all felt like this season.

Jumping a head to this year, the decline began early. We were actually in a house for a long time at one point. Now it was the inner turmoil, brewing thicker and thicker than before. I honestly believe that my parents should not be together. They torture each other regularly. They make things up literally just make a new problem when there isn't one to be found. Every night, I had to experience it. It's no lover's quarrel, no argument that passed shortly. It was a complete storm of derision, accusations, and meaningless negativity. The absolute worst day I've had came in that house. I thought I was crying as hard as I could. But my oh my... This night. This night changed my life. This night changed everything for us. We were in the house for just a few months

Lying in my makeshift bed holding my head in my hands, hearing the meaningless bickering, it's almost as if they can't function without starting problems with one another. I couldn't take it anymore. I threw the lamp beside my bed to the ground and screamed louder and more passionately than I'd ever thought possible for me. At the top of my lungs, maybe even beyond that, I screamed "shut up", and went on to tear into them with such hurtful cries that I started to hate myself mid-breakdown. Now my dad rushes downstairs to confront me while I continue this onslaught. Tears now start forming in my eyes while I flail my limbs around and shred my throat with these horrible screams. Yelling out things I can't recall but know they hurt at the time. I'm hyperventilating now, barely able to see straight and I authoritatively tell him how much they make me want to kill myself every day, that being in their presence is pure torture. I can't believe what's happening. Now as he's laying into me at the same level I did him, I start getting dressed to leave. I'm thinking now that this is it, if I don't leave I'm going to hurt someone. He says something that hits the nerve, and I grab a drawer from the dresser down here and throw it into him. I've just about lost control if my actions now and for some reason take the glass of water I'd been drinking before all this and shatter it against my own skull. Flailing more and stumbling around my dad strikes me with his forearm and then holds me down to the ground telling me to stop. Face down now a violent stream of tears pours out of my eyes, and I begin weeping the hardest I ever have. Still holding me down yet now with an apologetic tone my dad tells me to relax while I continue the vehement crying. Both of us are now, it was a rush of adrenaline from us we couldn't control. I can't breathe through my nose as it's completely clogged from the sobbing and I still can't control the breathing through my mouth. I think the anger has passed and through tears my dad apologizes and goes on to try and explain all these things that happen. All these problems we all have. I feel absolutely terrible for this outburst and would eventually cry myself to sleep.

This is no way to feel, not for anyone. And so from the bottom of my heart I'd like to wish everyone a happy holiday season

mondo :(

that's the name

I hope things get better for ya dawg

And a very Happy Christmas to you too, Mondo. Hope you have a good one. :beer:

Everything I say on the Internet is a lie though, right

idk you tell me

I'm pretty sure that's the general consensus and there's mo proof otherwise.

Majority rules and my life is a lie.

sounds pretty legit to me. ****ty, but legitty.

If anyone that was something not to be shared publicly, I already have a little before and it made me feel better personally, so I dunno

It could be counter productive to talk about though since it's really something I wish I could erase from the past. It was all awful and you can never just pretend like it didn't happen. I got teary thinking about that and writing it.

Anyway I think I wanna reboot my winter special

Here's a selection of bands that are just badass

Iron Maiden
High on Fire
Raven
Cirith Ungol
Riot
Armored Saint
Kreator
Hellhammer
Left for Dead
Union of Uranus
One Eyed God Prophecy
Battle of Wolf 359
His Hero is Gone
Vault Dweller
Demolition Hammer
Stormcrow
Pestilence
!T.O.O.H!
Walknut
Deep Purple
Hammerhead
Witchfinder General
Satan
Trouble
Mercyful Fate
Fear of God
Dissection
Parlamentarisk Sodomi
Keelhaul

his hero is gone is criminally underrated

****ing brilliant, mate!!!

how'd you get here

and how did I have so much to say about coldness

Checking up on what has already been said about Croatian Amor before writing a review of Love Means Taking Action.