Note: I'm posting this in The Bitch Box and my comic book journal, because A.) I want to bitch, and B.) I feel that this is an important step in my descent into comic book nerdery. If any mod has a problem with that, then please delete the Bitch Box post and not my journal one.

Now, I just went up to the comic book shop to pick up the new Harley Quinn annual---it was a special scratch 'n' sniff issue, so digital didn't suffice. Annuals are more expensive than normal issues, because they're special and bigger, and this issue was priced around $6.00, so this was already bull****. Unfortunately the shop was out of the issue with the normal cover, but they did have versions with the variant cover... for $14.99... and $15.88 with ****ing tax! I stared long and hard at that comic, before of course caving in and getting it anyway---Hey, if I'm going to go out of my way to actually buy a special issue, then I might as well go all out, right? Still, it was a serious hit.

To make matters worse, I'd only had twenty bucks and still wanted a pack of cigarettes. So of course I went up to the gas station, and like a ****ing broke-ass, asked the cashier, "You got any non-menthols for less than $4.20?", to which she naturally shook her head in vaguely indifferent pity. So, being a true fiend, I went all the ****ing way back to my house to get some pocket change---which I'd meant to take in the first place, but forgotten like a retard---and came back to buy a pack that only cost twenty cents more than I'd originally had (natch). On the upside though, I now have the most expensive comic book this side of Action Comics #1, and a well-earned pack of smokes. So... I guess it's all good.

Now, I can't hold this against Harley, as any character awesome enough to make me drop sixteen bucks on one issue is worthy only my adoration, but DC can kiss my ass. I'll let Jay and Silent Bob express my feelings toward DC Comics...





It is a pretty awesome variant cover though.

You ****ing serious man? That's for nothing! Graphic novels out here cost somewhere like maybe 20/40 Euro and comics/mags about 12 minimum! You don't know when you have it good!
Note: this is without ANY VAT, as, having worked in that sector, I know that books, periodicals and magazines are all zero rated for VAT into Ireland. Hungry bastards! Think yourself lucky you live in that bastion of freedom we call America. You'd NEVER get your DC fix if you lived here!

I'm assuming that's because your comics are exports, but around here three or four bucks is normal. It's why the internet is God for comic book fans. And graphic novels/trade paper backs are about twenty to forty bucks too.

You know what the difference is between Kieron Gillen, writer of Über, and you? Simple. You suck ass, and he doesn't. He pretty much answers that question that comic book losers have been asking since the dawn of 1939: "What would happen if superheros fought in a war?". Except he does it in a far more interesting and badass way than you ever did. I mean look at that **** right above this paragraph. LOOK AT IT! You know you want it.

Basically, it's what should be the last days of World War II: the Soviets are laying siege to Berlin, they've met the up with the Americans in Germany, and it won't be long now till we give those dirty Japs what for with the atomic bomb. And then, all of a sudden, there are crazy German mother****ers running around, tearing people limb from limb, and doing this...




These "enhanced humans" completely change the tide of battle, repulsing the Soviets, and reigniting the German offensive on all fronts.

All of this is made possible using technology developed via mysterious, possibly alien, texts that have unlocked the ability to give normal humans... that. The series is very vague about the nature of these texts, but it's clear that only a fraction of their full potential has yet been unlocked. Aside from super-strength, the other main power of the series is the "disruption halo", which for the most part manifests in the ability to create energy blasts, but there are glimpses that it can accomplish much more: characters have used it to change hair color, turn water solid into a bridge, turn dirt into some kind of food, and even regrow limbs.

At the beginning of the series, there are two kinds of enhanced humans: "panzermensch" and "battleships"; panzermensch posses super-strength and the halo distortion, along with invulnerability to all but a direct hit from a tank; battleships have the same abilities, but to a far greater degree. Think Spider-Man with Cyclops' optic blast vs. Superman with Captain Atom's energy blasts. With hundreds of panzermensch, the Germans push back the allies, but with only three battleships, they are able to rout them on three separate fronts.

Possibly the best part about this series though, is how immersed in real history it is. It's clear that the writer eats, breathes, and sleeps WWII history. Several recurring, and often major, characters are Winston Churchill, Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Heinz Guderian, Albert Speer, and god knows who else. The author is also certainly not afraid to use them as more than just historical props, as they often share equal time and importance with original characters. This right here has to be one of Hitler's best appearance's in fiction...



Oh yeah, did I mention how ridiculously NSFW this series is? It puts the "Holy ****, that dude just exploded and there's his kidney!" in "violence". I mean, it's a war series, and there are battles, so people are going to get ****ed up all to hell, but it's perhaps debatable whether Über is gratuitous at times. I mean...



To be fair, the first two are wrap-around covers, and so not necessarily representative of an actual panel, but still. But if you're lucky enough to be a soulless semi-human such as I, you won't really give a ****, cause the bitchin'ness is just far too off the charts, and the writing is far too intelligent to be denied.

God damn it. This series is going to be sixty issues long, but it's only at nineteen so far (not including an annual), which means it's gonna be years until it's done. I just can't wait that long. Read this comic. Do it.

Never had any particular desire to read Daredevil before. I figured I'd get around to Frank Miller's run at some point in the future, but even that was a pretty vague desire. But I've been reading a bit of DD's late eighties stuff---I was curious about his romance with Typhoid Mary (cause I'm a ****ing cheeseball)---and I've been impressed with the basic concept of his character. I may do a more in-depth review of this story arc when I finish it, but it's nine issues long and there's no telling if I'll get around to it, so I'm just doing this little feature in case I get lazy. Anyway...

These couple of pages in issue #255 really sold me on the series...




Two things:

I love how domestic this scene is. Matt Murdock's (current) girlfriend, Karen Page, has clearly slept over at his apartment (or vice versa, but I'm guessing it's his place), and is just brushing her teeth, wearing what appears to be Matt's shirt and pants, with her hair in a lazy ponytail. Afterward, she makes a pot of coffee, and he shows a little bit of man ass in the shower. Serious relationships almost never happen in comic books, and are explored even less, but right here we have a normal, slice of life morning routine that makes you feel like these are real people, living in a real world, with real lives. Mega-cool.

His girlfriend's a fox BTW.

Secondly, I love that, rather than these two pages being about superhero stuff, or even something like Peter Parker complaining about JJJ giving him grief over not having any good pics of Spider-Man masturbating on top of the Empire State Building, Matt's concerned with civilian problems that aren't just real life issues, but that reflect his commitment to the principles that drive him to put on the spandex. Even during daylight hours, Matt Murdock never stops his crusade for justice, and along the way we get treated to something that's far more adult than the vast majority of comic books I've ever read.

His girlfriend's a fox BTW.

US Comics here are ****in expensive, even when they go on offer they're still not a bargain.

Talking of Daredevil have you read the Frank Miller issues?

I wasn't really interested before, as I just didn't see Daredevil's appeal, so no, but I'm definitely gonna have to now. I'm now also rather interested in Deadpool's (assuredly dysfunctional) relationship with Typhoid Mary in his third volume. Of course, just about everything I hear about Deadpool makes me wanna read his comics.

I think I'm gonna start taking requests on here. Anybody with a rec can just post it here and I'll try to get around to reviewing it. Since it takes a lot more to read a comic arc than an album, I'm gonna have to ask for specific arcs and/or creative teams if you're suggesting a non-limited series. Anything goes, but you know, no manga. Maybe eventually I might do something on Japanese stuff, as I'd love to get back into Berserk, but I'm still on Western stuff ATM.

How about this?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...comiccover.jpg

I've already read a fair bit of Sandman, so I don't need to be introduced. Any particular arc(s) you'd suggest?

For most of the 1960s and early 70s Daredevil was a fun comic, despite being real b-comic material for the most part and it had some of the more imaginative Marvel super-villains at this time just think Stilt-Man and the Owl etc.

Then around the later part of the 70s it started to get serious especially when Kingpin stopped being a main villain of Spider-Man and became the main villain of Daredevil.

A friend of mine usually ranks the Frank Miller issues as some of the best ever put out by any writer on Marvel.

Also if you're looking for recs. how about those early Steve Ditko issues for Spider-Man?

I've actually read some of the earliest issues. I think I might have been up to the second appearance of the Green Goblin, I think around #15 or so. I was thinking about doing some shorter blurbs about each issue. A lot of those stories aren't don't really warrant in-depth analysis. Some of it was starting to get really good though. That arc about Betty Brant and her brother, with the second appearance of Dr. Octopus, was a pretty great melding of pulp comic books and over-the-top soap operas. I was disappointed when Lee flubbed Peter and Betty's relationship after that though. He clearly didn't know what to do with it, and it just became a lame comedy of errors, with Betty going from an interesting character to just another jealous girlfriend stereotype.

The thing is, the first 100 issues of Amazing Spider-Man were probably the best comic by Marvel consistently in the 1960s. Sure FF4 had its epic moments as did Thor, Avengers and the Original X-Men etc but Spidey was the best issue to issue quite simply because it had the most engaging storylines and the best array of villains.

It'll be worth you doing mini blurbs as comics at that time were a lot more simple.

I really want to plow through all of those early ones, just cause I want to get to Gwen Stacy's death, and I don't just want to jump into it.

I must admit I've never read the Sandman. I was hoping to get an idea of what it was like through you. Sorry.

I wasn't totally satisfied with my review of Uber. So, I'm gonna do some write-ups on the specific battles depicted in the series---History Channel-style. Hopefully I can convey the sense of historical weight that the series has. First to come shall be the Battle of Berlin.

If you're looking for the most strange and hilarious comic series ever created, you should really check out "The Sensational She-Hulk"! It's one of those series where everyone working on it knew that they could be cancelled at any second (which had already happened with the original, "Savage She-Hulk"), so they just had fun with it. Making fun of the Comic Code, decapitating the main character and then having her head tell corny jokes, driving an old hot rod through space, breaking the fourth wall, it's awesome! The best parts are when She-Hulk gets tired of idiotic story lines and jumps out of the panel to attack Byrne, the writer and artist of the series.

I've actually also read the first few issues of that, and yes, it's pretty fantastic. Also, She-Hulk is a fox.

Nice! And She-Hulk is still around today, though I think her 2014 series only has about two issues left before it ends. Still, it was a fun ride!

Just picked this graphic novel up for $12. Wonder Woman fights a dragon. What the **** more do you need to know?

This is Arrow star, Stephen Amell, training LIKE A ****ING BOSS! Let's see Christian Bale do any of this **** without putting himself in traction.




And yes, he does use a stunt double on the show, but he still does a lot of his own stunt work.


Now let's see what all that training was good for (Spoiler Warning! obviously)...




Oh, and just as a bonus, since this isn't so much about the actual Arrow, here's a scene involving Captain Boomerang being a total badass from the Arrow half of this week's Flash/Arrow, two-night crossover. If you're a fan of the shared universe aspect of superhero comics, this is pretty much sex.






Also, just cause I think it's funny, here's Stephen Amell's Facebook profile pic.



P.S. Sorry to anyone whose computer was slowified by all the videos, but I didn't want to mess up the look of this entry by putting everything in spoilers.

Of all the comic book movie/TV franchises, I think Arrow might actually be doing the best in developing its own shared universe. For those who don't know, it's now spawned a spin-off, The Flash, that's also pretty fantastic, and may be expanding even further if some rumors are true. But I'll get to that, and my reasoning as to its superiority, in a minute.

After being so succesful with its animated universe for so long, DC has been floundering with many of its movie projects. They're finally trying to get their **** together to play catch up to Marvel, but their decision to cram so many heroes into Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice is dubious at best. Having Batman play an older, more seasoned hero opposite a younger Superman is an interesting concept, but I'm not sure about introducing a new Batman outside of a movie of his own. Then of course, in the same movie, we're also getting Wonder Woman, Cyborg, and Aquaman (and yes, those last two are confirmed), without first giving them their own solo films. I'm thrilled with the idea of an expanded DC cinematic universe, but it's gonna take some great planning to not turn this into a cluster ****. Still, I'm cautiously optimistic. And the Suicide Squad movie coming in 2016 has me downright stoked (and yes, this is movie is also confirmed, with a release date of August 5, 2016).

For those interested, here's DC's projected movie schedule...



Now, Marvel has clearly been doing a better job of creating a shared universe. Cameos and foreshadowing about the formation of the Avengers built up a lot of excitement, all while keeping interference with the respective characters' movies to a minimum. Still, not every movie was that great: the Iron Man sequels have been getting progressively worse; Captain America would have been much better without a boring middle that dragged on for far too long; ditto Thor, and it's middle was downright painful at times, but at least the second movie was much better; I've heard the second season of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is better than the first, but I just lost interest after a few episodes; I've never heard a good about the Hulk movies, besides Edward Norton; and even the good movies have become formulaic.

Not to say that I don't love Marvel's cinematic universe, though: the first Iron Man was fantastic, the parts of Captain America and Thor that weren't boring were amazing, Guardians of the Galaxy was excellent, The Avengers was awesome if a bit overrated, and, for the most part, even a crappy superhero movie is still pretty good.

But still, it's been a bit of a mixed bag with Marvel.

Now, back to Arrow. It has the definite benefit of being a television show as opposed to a series of movies, so it's able to develop its plots and subplots more organically. This is also true of Arrow's expanded universe. Barry Allen wasn't introduced until season 2, and was only hinted at until The Flash debuted this fall. And since these are separate shows that aren't already predicated on building a shared universe, there isn't a feeling that they have to cross over, leaving each to stand on its own merits. This week's crossover event between the two felt natural, and I'm only looking forward to seeing where this will lead.

Yeah, these are only two shows, which only just makes it a shared universe, but there's also rumor that the upcoming Supergirl series being made by CBS might be set in the same universe. It's not particularly usual for different networks to share characters like that (Arrow and The Flash are on the CW), but all three shows are being produced by Greg Berlanti, and he appears to want this to happen. It's also not such an unlikely scenario since the CW is "co-owned" by CBS. We'll see, and we'll see how well it may be handled, but I'm hopeful.

Also, the Suicide Squad has already appeared on Arrow, and certain developments in the show seem to be hinting that a new team is being put together. The episode the Squad appeared in last season was pretty fantastic, so it's obvious that they will be appearing again, if not in the second half of this season, then certainly in the next. Amanda Waller and A.R.G.U.S. have also been putting in fairly regular appearances since last season. Now, this is just me being hopeful, but with the success of Arrow and The Flash, the CW may very well be open to continue capitalizing on the concept of a shared universe. So, I don't see it as at all out of the question that a Suicide Squad TV show might be possible. Harley Quinn actually had a few-second cameo in the aforementioned episode, and with the massive fan response to just that, the network surely must have noticed. This is all idle speculation on my part, but even if the Suicide Squad stays only on Arrow, that's still pretty big as far as I'm concerned. If my suspicions on the new team line-up are correct, a Squad made up of Deadshot, Captain Boomerang, Deathstroke, Bronze Tiger, and a Harley Quinn-replacement called Cupid (she's less lame than that implies) could be absolutely amazing.



And that's not to mention the inclusion of Black Canary, Huntress, Katana, and (soon!) R'as Al Ghul. It's still early in the game, but if all goes well, Arrow might just turn into a television empire to rival even the MCU (relatively speaking of course).

Take that, Breaking Bad!

Jesus, you really are a nerd, aren't you? Says he, feverishly typing the last chapter of "Robot wars" in his Judge Dredd journal.... ;)

You know it. But you wouldn't be so smug if you watched Arrow and realized its awesomeness. It turns Green Arrow into kind of a Batman clone, but since I never really cared all that much about him to begin with, and since the show is actually doing a better job of setting up the Arrow's origin story than Batman Begins did, it's all good. It's not like Green Arrow wasn't a Batman clone from day one anyway.

And as you (hopefully) saw from the training clips, Stephen Amell makes for a far more badass Oliver Queen than Christian Bale ever did as Bruce Wayne.

Merry ****ing Christmas, you stupid ****s! I give you the gift of comic books... although I am only actually giving them to myself, while you will have to make do with reading walls of text, but it's still better than socks. Unless of course, you're a girl, and you get a jizz sock from a basketball player with enough genetic material to get yourself pregnant, then WHAM-O! Set up for life. Money grubbing bitch.

Anyways, as you can see, Harley Quinn has a special Christmas issue out this month. Because of course she does. The second I heard about it I didn't even question it. It just makes sense. Contained inside are three stories, all drawn by three different artists, with the first being the longest, and as you might expect from a Harley Quinn Christmas comic, all of them are completely bat**** crazy.

Oh, and just to get this out of the way, in this series, Harley has inherited an apartment building, and is living with a group of circus freaks, sans Joker. This series doesn't really seem to have anything to do with past or current Batman/DC continuity, so that's all you really need to know.

First up, we have "Bad Toy". This little yarn reminds me of an episode of The Simpsons, where what is going on in the beginning, has absolutely **** all to do with what happens at the end. Now, just try to follow along with me as I attempt to be as confusing as possible for my own personal amusement:

Christmas Eve > Harley Quinn has a bunch o' dogs and cats > wants puppies and kittens > neuters and spays sparingly > has puppies and kittens > too many damn puppies and kittens > gives them away to nice people Christmas shopping > gives dynamite to *******s > people don't know they've been given puppies/dynamite > she put them in their shopping bags when they weren't looking > puppies and kittens gone > Harley sad > tries to find the puppy she liked best > assaults police station > gets address of people she gave puppy to > leaves police station > steals Hummer > it's okay > douche was double-parked > gets directions from old lady > old lady drives Hummer to address > not explained why old lady drove Hummer instead of just giving directions > something about Vegas > also not explained why meter maid tied to hood of Hummer > presume hijinks > Harley breaks into house > steals back dog > doesn't leave house > gets drunk on eggnog > passes out on floor >>>

Christmas morning > Family has a kid > she's a mega-bitch > finds Harley asleep on floor > decides she's her present > dad and aunt (it's complicated) confused > wouldn't you be? > clown lady asleep on floor? > more perplexing than terrifying > unless afraid of clowns > I'm afraid of clowns > would **** myself > while masturbating > Harley has a nice ass > anyway... > dad a pussy > girl entitled > dad doesn't want to upset child > hires Harley to be bad toy (like name of story) to annoy mega-bitch girl > backfires > they get along famously > step on presents > make plans for arson > eat candy canes instead > eat too many candy canes > vomit > aunt made turducken > more vomit > take bath to clean up vomit > Harley farts in bath >>>

Harley discovers what happened to mother > hit by truck on Christmas > emotional heaviness > daughter mad at dad for making mom go out that day > dad feels too guilty to discipline her > aunt (mom's sister) moved in when mom died > presume dad and aunt are ****ing though no actual evidence to support theory > Harley puts on glasses > is a psychiatrist > major feels > hug > Harley and girl devise harebrained scheme to bring family back together > Harley attacks girl with ax > ax hungry for blood > dad hits Harley with platter > picks up ax > leans ax on shoulder like a boss > kicks Harley out of house > pays her for job well done > was a good bad toy > family brought together by violent altercation with unbalanced clown girl > Harley says goodbye to girl > gives her dog > threatens with ax if girl doesn't take care of dog > for reals this time > probably > goes home > Christmas party > The End.

If all of that doesn't seem to make any sense, it's because it doesn't. But the day this series starts making sense is the day I find a new comic. There were some good laughs, the art felt fun and festive, and if the revelation about the girl's mother was a bit too abrupt to have the proper emotional impact, well... this is a series with a lot of heart, but not so much emotional depth, if you know what I mean, so it is what it is. Loved it.

The second feature "Get Yer Cheer Outta My Ear", is just a tad too random for its own good---either that, or it's not quite random enough for Dr. Seuss. There's something called a humbug, which is like a Christmas earwig, and it crawls in Harley's ear and starts humming Christmas carols. She spends the next ten pages completely wigging out trying to figure out where the humming is coming from, accosting old ladies with dogs, cops, and finally a department store Santa (The revelation that she probably still believes in Santa is a pretty awesome new bit of Harely lore.) The story also kind of implies that the department store Santa actually is the real Santa, and as such, he knows just what to do about the humbug: stick a candy cane in Harley's ear. And then they all, Harley and Santa and the bug, eat Christmas dinner at a kosher deli. This story is certainly charming, and the art is charmingly zany as well, but it's definitely the weakest story here. Although this panel of Harley using a dog's ass to listen for ghostly humming makes it worthwhile...




And then there's this. Harley Quinn is quite possibly the dirtiest mainstream comic out right now, even though it never seems to explicitly reference sex...




Finally, there's "K!llin' T!me". This entry is definitely stronger than the last one, with a more engaging narrative, that, while being as nonsensical and meandering a romp from Point A to Point B as any of Harley's stories are, actually does tell a story. A stupid story. But a story.

It's somewhere in the vicinity of Christmas and Harley discovers that she has a grey hair. Being a woman, she panics. Through Harley Logic, she decides that the only way to stop herself from getting old is to stop Father Time from giving his watch to the New Year's Baby. Nonsense of course, but I hate babies and old people, so I'm totally down with this.

She attempts to accomplish her completely reasonable goal by infiltrating an old folk's home and adorably harassing a bedridden old man (whose last name is "Tyme") and his bewildered family. Eventually of course, her exasperated victims manage to convince the daffy dingbat that the old man is not Father Time, his great granddaughter is not the New Year's Baby, and there's nothing she can do to stop the flow of time. Of course, all that's necessary to pick up her spirits is for the great granddaughter to pluck out Harley's gray hair, and so she heads out into the night, assured that all is right with the world, while behind her, helicopters careen out of control, firemen fall from their ladders, and men catch on fire, for no apparent reason. How can you not love Harley?

As fun as this story is, my favorite part is definitely the artwork, done by Darwyn Cooke, the same artist responsible for Catwoman: Selina's Big Score, which was visually one of my favorite discoveries of the past few months. He's got a kind of retro style, with stylized, almost cartoony artwork set off with big, bold colors. He actually makes Harley look the closest to her appearance from B:TAS since... B:TAS. And his expressions are just to die for...




So there you have it. A pretty fantabulous issue, full of Christmas cheer and only one fatality (he hated animals, so it was cool). If there's any better way to spend the holidays than reading this comic while avoiding your relatives, then I haven't found it. Although I'm assuming Christmas head would give Harley a run for her money. In any case, I guess there's nothing else to do but say...

I won't ask you to explain the panel, but please resize your pics dude! For someone as picky as you I'm surprised you didn't notice the dreaded "Too Large Picture Syndrome" is all over your latest entry. I'm sure you'll find some way to turn that into a sexual innuendo, but while you're doing that, shrink those images for the love of Batman!

Yeah, my computer displays them fine. Don't come crying to me just because you're probably using some 90's piece of **** monitor with a square screen. You should probably also at least upgrade to Windows '98. Just sayin'.

Edit: There. I ensmallened the last one. Not making it any smaller, lest it become too scrunched. And if you want me to resize any of the other ones then you can just blow me.

The pictures are perfectly fine on my screen as well.

Get outta my thread, *******!

Damn you owners of 30" plus monitors! Mine's a 24 and yes Batty, it IS a flat screen! I even have a mouse on my computer! No keystrokes to get around Windows for me! Anyway, who are you to talk, with your Clonebook? :ar_15s:

All I know is, even now with your resizing the text is still way off my screen, and my res is pretty high, about 1920 x 1080.

Hey man! I can't see your pictures at all now!

Best of DC Blue Ribbon Digest was an anthology series (that might actually have been an anthology of an anthology series) from back in the eighties. As there have been more DC and Marvel anthology series throughout the years than hairs on my back, I do not care one bit about this particular one, but while I was trolling around Google, looking to see if there were any Christmas comics worthy of note, I stumbled upon a story from this particular issue called, "The Seal Men's War On Santa Claus", and decided that I wanted a piece o' that. However, I have no particular desire to explore the other hundred pages of this comic, so if you're curious as to its other contents, then I invite you to do it your damn self.

Unfortunately, this story's charms don't extend much past its name and first page. It's just kind of lazy. Jack Kirby (!) was clearly just collecting a check on this one. You'd think that a story with such an outrageous name would want to sell its outrageousness, but Jack apparently couldn't even be bothered to draw the actual seal men. See the seal dude at the bottom of the panel, right under "POW!"? That's as good as you're gonna get. A few over-the-shoulder half shots of featureless faces that kind of suggest sealishness, and the rest are just heads being covered by helmets or hands or whatever. It's almost like Jack Kirby is as scared of drawing seal men faces as Rob Liefeld is of drawing feet. The rest of the comic isn't much better.

Oh yeah, apparently this is some lost story from an incarnation of the Sandman that nobody gives a **** about. So far as I can tell, this Sandman is just some guy with a lame costume, who polices the dream world or something. Our tale starts with some kid, who's like some sad, Cinderella-dude, whose family is dead, so he's got a bitchy stepmom, but who ****ing cares cause she's only in like two pages of this whole story? Somehow it's Christmas Eve and his bitch stepmother has sent him out into a blizzard to get some cheap, old fart to give money to some Christmas charity or something, cause phones don't exist in 1982.

But the child (Jed or something) is in luck! For no apparent reason, the discussion with the old man turns to Santa Claus...




For whatever reason the kid has an old timey whistle with the purpose of calling Sandman, who literally drops from the sky instantaneously and whisks Jed off to his "Dream Dome" to begin their search for Santa Claus (apparently a good friend of Sandman). From there they get on/in the "Dream Stream", and it's a hop skip and a jump to the "Fantasy Forest" of the "Nightmare Wizard", who gives them a "sky sled" to take them the rest of the way to the North Pole. How exactly they're going to get from one dimension to another by flying, I have no idea, but this would have to be a much better comic for me to care. Unless they're not actually in another dimension, but if Sandman can get from one place on Earth to another using his "Dream Stream", then why doesn't he just use it to get to the North Pole? It's not like it would lose any of the plot. They just show up, get the sled from the Nightmare Wizard, and leave. Even for filler this is half-assed.

But hot on their trail is the old, rich guy's douchebag nephew, who is trying to stop Jed and Sandman from getting his uncle's million dollars. Not that he really does anything of interest throughout the whole story, but a scene with him almost being eaten by a maneating plant called "Samantha" in the Nightmare Wizard's forest is one of the only redeeming things about this gatbage.




Cut back to Sandman and Jed, who arrive at the North Pole only to be assaulted by stock Christmas elves, before being rescued by Mrs. Claus. Apparently a race of anthropomorphic seals has kidnapped Santa for reasons unknown, and now Sandman and Jed must rescue him. Blah, blah, blah, they get captured, blah, blah, blah, they escape, blah, blah, blah, they get captured again. Then we learn that this whole thing is because there was a mixup, and the seal men got the wrong gifts from Santa last year, and being a bunch of ingrates who complain about the quality of free stuff, they decide that if their Christmas is going to suck, then so will everyone else's. Santa promises to get them better stuff, blah, blah, blah, the seal men let Santa, Sandman, and Jed go, blah, blah, blah, and then they all go back to Santa's workshop to save Christmas.

But the douchey nephew is waiting for them, and pulls a gun on them. I'm assuming he's planning on shooting them, but he doesn't get past the "I'm not about to share the money with the likes of you!" portion of his villain speech before Sandman throws some magic sand at him which puts him to sleep. Finally, they all head back to the old guy's house, he meets Santa, gives Jed the check for a million dollars, Santa lets the him drive the sleigh, the end, Merry ****ing Christmas.

The comic really wasn't any more interesting than how I just described it. It's pretty obvious that Marvel just told the team on a subpar series (apparently soon to be cancelled) that they needed to make a Christmas issue, and this was the rushed result. I know I can only expect so much from a Christmas issue of a comic, but with a title like, "The Seal Men's War On Santa Claus", I was expecting for it to be the comic book equivalent of dosing the eggnog with acid on Christmas Eve, and then sitting back to watch the family carnage. All I got was twenty pages of tedious boredom. Good thing Jack Kirby had some other series that I hear was pretty good. Spider-Kid or something. Either way, **** this ****.

Mine's a 27'' and it fits just fine.

Trollheart's probably just using a computer made in Azerbaijan.

Alright, I know I've asked for a lot of recs on here, most of which I haven't followed up on ATM (after seven months of intense comic book immersion I'm kind of slowing down), but as I'm actively doing Christmas specials for the next week and change, it'd be cool if I could get some ideas. I've got a few I'm in the process of doing, but there's surprisingly slim pickings, at least that I've been able to uncover.

And if anyone has a link to Brave and the Bold #184 I'd be grateful (the original series, not the Batman cartoon tie-in). Given the series' fame, as far as anthologies go, I'd think it'd be easy to track down, but not so much.

Stop boasting man! You're making me feel inadequate! :shycouch:

(It's all right Batty: I'll do your obvious reply for you. Don't you always feel like that anyway, bitch? There. You don't even have to leave your computer video game to respond.)

So, are you saying that you got a virus warning and deleted the pics? Cos it says you removed them...

No, I was mocking you, implying that your computer was having so many problems with the images because of a virus. And I never removed any of them, so me no know what you talkin' 'bout.