sorry man, you insult my country this is what ya get!

Dude, "gloriously ****ty" is a perfect way to describe bands like Venom and early Slayer. I don't see the problem.

Coffinworm: When All Became None - 2010

Coffinworm are pretty much the bastard love child of a hate**** between Celtic Frost and Electric Wizard. Black metal meets doom and they sort of settle in the middle with misanthropic, nihilistic sludge. They pretty much have two moves: they can hit you with some quality stoner doom droning, where the music is awash in a morass of seething distortion, further muddied by the dense, claustrophobic production; or they can bring on the Celtic Frost and rock out in a surprisingly catchy manner. Either way, the sheer heaviness is such that if this album was around a decade ago the terrorists wouldn't have needed planes. They're definitely primitive, and I imagine that they'll likely refine their formula given time (they only have this, a demo, and a split to their names), but for right now, they're gloriously hideous.

The vocals are a bit different I suppose, the balls out screaming wouldn't be out of place on a hardcore record, but with the death growls that the vocalist also uses one could perhaps say that he also wouldn't be entirely out of place on a deathcore record either...not a polite thing to say surely, but true nonetheless. Be that as it may, he definitely brings the misanthropy, but the vocals are rather low in the mix on this, which isn't surprising for this kind of band, and it really gives the impression that they're rising up from the depths of the oozing sludge river that is the music, intent on dragging you under to be consumed by your own self-hatred. Sweet.

If you don't like Venom then you're a bitch. Straight up. I'm looking at you, Trollheart. These cretins are pretty much the poster boys for this thread. They're so low-rent that the women can stay for free so long as they let the fat, smelly landlord crawl on top of them once a week. I love, love, love me some Venom. The consensus is pretty much that Black Metal is their best album, and while I'm not going to dispute that, I chose Welcome to Hell because, somehow, someway, Black Metal actually has the faintest touch of class and shows some kind of understanding of atmosphere and drama, whereas this ugly, ugly garbage is just a completely unredeemable barrage of punk/metal noise.

The formula here is pretty simple: take Motorhead, fail to take Motorhead, make your best approximation of Motorhead, still do that so poorly that it's possible to not even notice how much it sounds like Motorhead, cover it in a layer of filthy distortion, amateurishly shout puerile lyrics about Satan, and sit back as the next three decades of metal become inexplicably influenced by your objectively terrible crap. Venom are just brilliant.

Venom suck!
Trolleart. Bitch. Apparently. :D

Venom rule and you like watching dogs have sex.

Some bands have the bad luck to come around just a few years too early and then get swept under by the arrival of a new musical movement. This is the curse of Omen. In the early-to-mid eighties thrash metal hadn't yet taken over the world and bands were still trying out their own ideas to take the NWOBHM to the next level. Bands as different as Jag Panzer, Armored Saint, and Whiplash all had very different takes on this concept, and Omen was another such. A few years later and they probably would have been a thrash metal band, but in this climate they were speed/power metal.

It might sound odd to put a power metal band on this thread, but hear me out. They may be power metal, but like I said, if they'd come around a couple years later they'd have been a thrash band. They're not Helloween, and while they are certainly melodic, they're intent is obviously to kick as much ass as possible, and aren't particularly concerned with subtlety or grandiosity. Just kickass riffs and speed. Conceptually, though they do in fact kick mucho asso, they're not really much more than a faster, slightly lobotomized version of Iron Maiden. Creativity isn't too high, but the quality more than makes up for it. Lyrically they're not much better. Pretty much just straight Conan-style fantasy. Songs like "Dragon's Breath", "Die By the Blade", and the brilliantly titled "Be My Wench" give away their mentality.

If you're a fan of Helstar or Jag Panzer then you totally need this band in your life. They'll totally make your month.

I'd love to put up a cover for this album, but even in a spoiler I imagine that it'd violate the rules of this site. Besides, I'm not sure whether looking it up on a library computer might get me registered as a sex offender, but I'm not willing to find out. Even looking up the Youtube videos I had to do some quick scrolling down. I like to live dangerously.


I'm usually not the biggest grindcore fan, and goregrind is usually even worse. Just noise, and goregrind is for the most part incompetent noise. I love Gorerotted though. It's not because they somehow elevate grind or do anything new or anything. Quite the opposite in fact. They're about as original as any one of hundreds of other bands of their ilk. So they ain't exactly a revelation or anything, but they're about as accessible and fun a grindcore band as you're ever going to come across. That's the thing about Gorerotted that I dig, they're a goregrind band, but they're just as committed to having a good time in the worst possible taste as they are to brutality. The healthy dose of legitimate death metal also helps. Saying they sound like a grind version of early Cannibal Corpse wouldn't be entirely unfair actually.

They're also another band who's song titles tells you exactly what they're about. Any goregrind band worth their salt is going to have purposely offensive, puerile, and disgusting song titles, but Gorerotted give their's a little twist by using amusing rhymes or alliteration: "Bed 'Em Behead 'Em", "Put Your Bits In a Concrete Mix", and "Severed, Sawn and Sold as Porn" are all deserving of some kind of award for inspired idiocy (I totally stole that joke from Metal Hammer, but **** them).

Nice thread and I think your thread title is spot on.