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Search took 0.00 seconds. Search: Posts Made By: mr dave
Forum: The Lounge 04-20-2010, 07:04 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 923
Posted By mr dave
i'd keep the name out myself, it seems a little...

i'd keep the name out myself, it seems a little hokey especially with the implied message.

the line about the bodies is a little confusing as well. i interpreted it like he can recognize himself...
Forum: The Lounge 04-20-2010, 06:48 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 923
Posted By mr dave
yeah we posted at the same time. figured it was...

yeah we posted at the same time. figured it was just a typo but just in case it was one of those that kept getting missed...

also why does 'he' only turn into Mr. Walker at the end? why does...
Forum: The Lounge 04-20-2010, 06:41 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 923
Posted By mr dave
you have one he too many in this sentence. ...

you have one he too many in this sentence.

like the others said. too many. short sentences. otherwise. fine. reads like a telegram. stop.
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