Beyond Recall

Ginny · 10-17-2005, 03:09 PM

My brother's best friend died in a car accident last June, and I still find it hard to accept that he's gone. So I got the urge last night to write this poem. It's directed to my brother, so that's why I say "you".

Beyond Recall

Nothing matters
to the dead,
that's what's so hard

for the rest of us
to take in--
their complete indifference

to our enticements,
our attempts to get in touch--
they aren't observing us

from a discreet distance,
they aren't listening
to a word we say--

you know that,
but you don't believe it,
even deep in a cave

you don't believe
in total darkness,
you keep waiting

for your eyes to adjust
and reveal your hand
in front of your face--

so how long a silence
will it take to convince us
that we're the ones

who no longer exist,
as far as X is concerned,
and Y, that they've forgotten

every little thing
they knew about us,
what we told them

and what we didn't
have to, even our names
mean nothing to them

now--our throats ache
with all we might have said
the next time we saw them.

Merkaba · 10-17-2005, 03:30 PM

I like it. I love stanza's 7 8 and 9. Very Good Ginny.

Sorry about your loss too.

riseagainstrocks · 10-21-2005, 03:45 PM

I like the algebra metaphor. overall it feels kinda disjointed though. I feel like an ass for critiquing a poem you wrote about a dead friend however, so I'll leave it at disjointed (unless you were going for that sound)

10-17-2005, 03:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
Ginny Nossey Hoe Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Mississippi Posts: 54	Beyond Recall My brother's best friend died in a car accident last June, and I still find it hard to accept that he's gone. So I got the urge last night to write this poem. It's directed to my brother, so that's why I say "you". Beyond Recall Nothing matters to the dead, that's what's so hard for the rest of us to take in-- their complete indifference to our enticements, our attempts to get in touch-- they aren't observing us from a discreet distance, they aren't listening to a word we say-- you know that, but you don't believe it, even deep in a cave you don't believe in total darkness, you keep waiting for your eyes to adjust and reveal your hand in front of your face-- so how long a silence will it take to convince us that we're the ones who no longer exist, as far as X is concerned, and Y, that they've forgotten every little thing they knew about us, what we told them and what we didn't have to, even our names mean nothing to them now--our throats ache with all we might have said the next time we saw them. __________________ I'm on my knees, and so are you Unfortunately for the wrong reasons. Weebles wobble but they don't fall down! Audioscrobbler

10-17-2005, 03:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
Merkaba Whitewater! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: New Zealand Posts: 2,885	I like it. I love stanza's 7 8 and 9. Very Good Ginny. Sorry about your loss too. __________________ She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker

10-21-2005, 03:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: DC Posts: 3,320	I like the algebra metaphor. overall it feels kinda disjointed though. I feel like an ass for critiquing a poem you wrote about a dead friend however, so I'll leave it at disjointed (unless you were going for that sound) __________________ One note timeless, came out of nowhere...