comments on lyrics please
 

friday nights are cold:and im sick of it
teenage heartthrob whore:and im tired
no one feels the way i do:cause were all normal
thats not what she said.

youd be better off dead in my book
youd be better off dead in my book

CHORUS:
but red hair shines tonight in school halls running
finding a place to hide
and im just avoding your face
in time, he'll pass by

and by then youll be on to someone new
not meaning to hurt but thats all that we've seen you do
and hes just another knotch in your rhyme stone belt
hes just another teenage heartache

VERSE:
and ill take in the way that you flirt everyday with the words that you say
you were far to cute

but crazy little girls only get so far


youd be better off dead in my book
youd be better off dead in my book


CHORUS:



guitar break:



OUTRO":
so why dont you do?
go dig your own grave: dont think that i havnt noticed your mistakes
so why cant you cry: ill make you wish that you stayed home that night
in the back of the shcool: where you stood like a fool that you are
i would never dare to dream back that far
thats far.





















constructive critisism is welcome

Alot of those lines are rip offs of other songs. Im not gonna dig up the songs but be more original, and over all it wasn't that good.

Overall I don't particularly like it. I don't like the heartbreak songs so call me bias. But the opening verse is good except for the last line, I feel like I've heard that one a billion times.

youd be better off dead in my book - a no go. You could still say the same thing, but do it more creatively. That line as it is, is pretty cliche.

I don't know the first thing about songwriting so I'm only saying what I feel right now. So keep on delving, you can only explore further.:)

everybody that posts in song writting sucks i think the reason is becase uve havent heard it with instraments and the person sing it i think some of these might be good if we heard them not read them

you have just named my problem. My songs sound brilliant with the beat but without the beat they just sound a little flat. Then when I write without the beat in my head the lyrics are brilliant but the beat is awful. Overall I think the above song just scraped an average. Some of the mines were awful cliches 'youd be better off dead in my book' but I think considering you are a newbie then this is a decent first try. I've seen a lot worse.

Check out these lyrics and e-mail me matt_shattered_2006@yahoo.com
 

don't talk as much about a certain day or time just make it all blend together over the whole ordeal. talk more about how you feel and don't mention death or anything just talk about how cold or alone or sad or happy or anything else you feel.

yeah plug in baby a few of your lyrics do sound quite cliche. i think you could rethink some of these and make them a little less obvious. use less of the word heartache. matt i like your song except for the line about heart of stone. a heart of stone doesnt break so why are you singing about pain a girl has caused you? unless now you have a heart of stone after what she did to you.