administer the destruction
 

You must be mistaken my dear
time is our victim this time
so lets dance in perfect lines
and maybe youll realize what you did to me
even the robots start to breathe
(chorus)
These wars we draw on the sidewalk
are only deversions from our emotions

If I dissapper before this stops
let all the lights on 14th street die.
The search for frequencies
for these radios is all in vain
We're too busy
living our material lives
to even write our own names
(chorus)
the taste of your anguish
is all We ever needed.
If the sun fails to rise
Ill paint the sky red
and sing you to sleep
everytime we need it
just like the movies

well I don't like it. There's no real rhyming scheme. Tell me-is this a song or a poem?

well at the moment its a rough draft for a song so i guess you could consider it a poem
but Im going to write choruses and stuff for it.

I just wouldn't bother. I'm guessing it is about a Rise of the machines or something-that's a pretty pointless subject to base a song on. And while I'm talking to you, can I ask what your name is about-I've been wondering for some time.

that wasn't really the theme
but if its really that bad Ill stop working on it


its a play on the badn The Number Twelve Looks Like You

Oh sorry for my ignorance but I haven't heard of the band. I was also mistaken by the song I just took it about the whole 'robots breath' thing that it started to resemble what I originally thought. It's not awful, I have just kind of missed the point. Carry on with it and post it when its done-maybe then I won't give you such a dumb reply

I guess this is better ^

I hate it when you try and give someone constructive criticism and they throw it back in your face. I also hate it when people think they're funny. I also hate it when you try to be nice to someone who ahs wrote a sh*tty song and they decide they are going to be arrogant. So, if you were paying any attention, you aren't in my good books at the moment.

hobojesus shut the f*ck up and quit bitching about every little thing in this forum seriously, all he was saying was it was based on a band and since you havn't heard this band you wouldn't know the writing style, most metalcore doesn't rhyme usually.



Anyway i like it quite a bit, i especially like the last part after the last chorus.

I meant that I revised it