This may sound whinny but.....
 

Well here's a song i wrote about someone to make fun of them...it's highly sterotypical and meant to be....so here it is

Emo Queen

Saddest thing that we've ever seen
That poor little emo queen

Crying tears of broken sorrow
Not wanting to see tomorrow

Seeing rivers of flowing red
Thoughts of pain all through her head

Swept hair of black
To one side so she can't look back

Chorus
Emo Queen
You rule your world
Like a bee
Over a hoard
Cutting wrists
Ending life
Making fists
Creating striffe

Creepy scars all up your arms
Make us forget with all your charms

Stealing razors to let you cut
It must take a lot of gut

Your heart of pain
Makes you insane

Chorus

Violins play all around
But you can not make a sound

It is over and you are glad
You were tired of all you had

Chorus x 2

So there it is...what do u think?

haha its good, funny.

but

Chorus
Emo Queen
You rule your world
Like a bee
Over a hoard
Cutting wrists
Ending life
Making fists
Creating striffe

"ending life" doesn't seem to flow there.

---

why does everyone make fun of emo kids?? :(

i only make fun of them because it's easy and that little girl thought she ruled everything when everyone hated her and made fun of her...it may not have enough syllables there but it was a necessary part of the chorus...

Ohhh I get it. my bad. Cool song though. I wouldn't change anything, but what do I know? heh

so yeah it's like a teenager's but what i'd change are the following:
"creating striffe" should be replaced
you should change "creppy" with "pretty" cause it's like cooler :p:
and "makes" with "drives"
and the violins part should go..... away

Crikey it's like a sad Nursery rhyme haha.

I think it's good. But I don't know about "Over a hoard" and then "Cutting wrists"...

It seems to miss a chunk of something. Like a piece of the puzzle.

And I agree with blacktshirt about the violens bit, it doesn't sit that nicely. But other then that I thought it was pretty clever.

i really only put the violins part in so that it had more words before it cut to the end...perhaps if a few more lines were added...and it was a homage for when you're whinny for no reason and no one cares they play the smallest violin with their fingers...that sort of thing.

Ohhh I use that play on words to take the piss all the time. If someones having a piss and a moan I'll just rub my finger and thumb together and ask them if they can hear the violen playing for them:laughing:

If you were to take the violins part out, maybe take one of the choruses at the finish as well? To even things up?

good idea
here's another one not as good though
Fame
Things have changed
They're just not the same
Everything's strange
Distorted by fame

Tears falling
Love's ending

Can't hold on any longer
Try to grow stronger

Grasp for it
Try to contain
It's just one big fit
Inside your brain

To the world you're happy
Inside you're sappy

Tired of making everything seem okay
Of smiling come what may

You're so high up
You fall
You're sipping a cup
Where you were you can't recall

Lost it all
Once again so small

Things shift once more
All is the same
Once again a bore
Everything so tame

It was a dream
Things are excatly as they seem

The room transforms
Now you're in a dorm

Your life progresses
Absent of one thing
We digress
It was just a fling

Eyes flutter
You hear someone mutter

They're there
Taking care

It was a vision
Induced by drugs
Now make a decision
Forget the hugs

Lose it forever
You think you're clever

Some things aren't just rivers
Things in denial
Gives me the shivers

Why are we blue?
Sniffing too much glue

You really awaken
Visibly shaken
Blissful and new
Without a clue


guess it could also be said it's not a song but that's not the point.

I don't think its that great, insulting emo songs are stupid boring and getting lame. Its been done to many times this one isn't even that good.