The Right Way Blue
 

sleeping, in the deep bottomless blue
drifting, can you pull me through
or will you pass me on the top side
leaving me the right way blue

gulls cry above the cold coral reef
where rising comes the morning tide
as it washes out the moonshine
pulling things the right way through

searching out across the banks of the Tigris
waiting for that distant ship
will it crash into the sunrise
or will it drift the right way through

casting off, building a wing from a prayer
sailing far for somewhere new
and wondering will it be exciting
and will it be inviting you

lost out in the high cloudless blue
gliding, do you follow through
or do you crumble like a comet
fumble like a rocket
do you drift the right way blue

it seems like this is a semi decent song, but i really can't properly make any judgement without music in it somewhere. if people started putting up the piano/guitar whatever tabs up aswell as the lyrics, i, and i think many more people would post on these threads.

I seriously doubt that. On the off-chance that anyone here means it, all the lyrics I've posted have demo music that can be found at the link in my signature. That's with the exception of "Chain Mail Bitch" which I just wrote for fun as a laugh. Still... I must say thanks for your response. It's certainly better than nothing.

Okay song, and I really doubt people would go to all the effort of posting tabs and wotnot. If you instate a new rule about that, people would shy away-including me.

i think people would go to the effort, they certainly do on mxtabs and whatnot. people have much more time on their hands than you'd think.

it's a good idea, but still most people want a critique on the lyrics themselves. Without the music, there's nothing to carry the lyrics but the words themselves, which is the best way to judge lyrics I think. If a song looks great with nothing backing it up, it's successful. On the other hand, it's easy to pick out parts of lyrics that don't work if there's nothing else to distract you from it.

hm i just cant judge lyrics without music, i havent the slightest idea about how fast it is, what key its in, the kind of song it is. but thats just me.

I like it & I dont at the same time. Theres certain parts that are good, then others that are "blah". I dont like the last line on the first stanza for nothing, sorry.
now, this:
came out of no where, i was like "what the hell". its good, but you could make it into a four line stanza.

I also think the last stanza needs some work

Formatting error, but I went back and fixed it:

Thanks for the Crazy feedback, but I'm still not really convinced. I wonder if anyone tried listening to the song as they read. :hphones:

Anyway, if anyone can figure out what this song is about then I will...

...probably not do much. (That's a promise.)

I did listen to the song as I read, and I think the music part is great.. the voice doesn't do it for me, though. I'm not saying it's bad. It just doesn't sound like something I, personally, could listen to for a long time. I think the words really have to be made by the music for this song... and it just didnt happen for me. I like the other stuff though, you guys are headin' somewhere good.

I appreciate that everyone here is honest, which is always better than false praise so you can get a return review. The vox of all those songs were done a while ago when I first started singing but I have come a good ways since then. I'm still no Bradley Nowell but I think I get the emotion across much better now. Our first serious demo album is almost finished and I may post a few of the songs and lyrics when it is. Thanks for your feedback.

Well all I know is that it would alienate me from that forum. I haven't got enough time to post tabs and whatever. Also, I think by doing that it will make it easier for people to steal your songs.

^ya, i dont trust putting lyrics on this.