My Song
 

I Hate Me

You keep on askin' me who I hate, who I love, does really freakin' matter to you because I don't hate....anyone...but me ...and I...don't hate anyone..but me because I just... hate me...the way...I am... I don't need changes 'cause if you change me i'll just...hate me more!



:banghead: :soapbox: :finger:

*shakes head*

nonononononon. NO.

It's just...no I'm sorry.

No.

Not at all you don't like it at all?

No, I'm sorry :[

It's just too....like, it's overly cliche, and just poorly written.

Aww, you poor thing. you keep trying, but...no. It left me with a feeling of "what the hell is this". That can not be a song, & i dont think it'll make it as a poem either.

I'd like it more if you didn't spend half of your time adding smilies to the end of it.

it's very self-deprecating, and depressing. You don't address the fundamental question of why. Also try and add some poetic language into it. No matter what the theme is, it will always sound better with some nice flowy words added in.

ballads and sonnets are great things to get flow ideas from. iambicpentameter (spelling?) can sound cool.