Music Banter

Music Banter (https://www.musicbanter.com/)
-   Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/)
-   -   Need opinions... (https://www.musicbanter.com/song-writing-lyrics-poetry/13769-need-opinions.html)

Crashing Sun 02-06-2006 10:33 AM

Need opinions...
 
I'm wondering if the theme is identifiable at all or if it fails to be communicated through allusion. Any of this make sense to you or is this just one big question mark?


BLEED

I don't think that I
can bleed for you
I'd much rather know
what is the simple truth
'cause I don't think I'll wait
(no, I won't wait) for your sweet suicide
I'd much rather know instead
what's behind those lies

CHORUS 1

see me standing there
hope you know I stopped to care
and if I drop on by to call
you won't need yourself at all

I don't think I can help you
so you can save your breath
and if you want me dead
you better do that **** yourself
cause I'd much rather sit and waste
than figure out which lie
is the one that's supposed to make me
break down and cry

C2
see me standing there
as you're strapped to your electric chair
and if I let you see me cry
that's not the wind that's in my eye

(repeat verse 2)

C3
see me standing there
I hope you know I stopped to stare
and if I let you see me try
that's not the will that's in my eye

OUTRO
my eyes, my lies (repeat)

riseagainstrocks 02-07-2006 02:45 PM

My guess is that someone the main character knows is about to be executed? and that they (the main character) are saying they can no longer care?

I have a few comments on the wording.
Quote:

and if I let you see me cry
that's not the wind that's in my eye
this line seems rather awkward, as if you forced the rhyme too much.

plus I've never liked using any swear word but fuck in my writing.

Crashing Sun 02-08-2006 07:22 AM

Contest
 
That's wrong. Did you really read it? I didn't think it was THAT difficult.

IF anyone can get it right on their first guess I will send them a free copy of my new album when it comes out next month. That's nine songs of rock, alt., and acoustic goodness. Since I'm selling the CD you won't be able to download any of them online, though I might put sample clips up.

Bleed is one of the songs featured in the album.

jibber 02-09-2006 12:58 AM

Here's what I got out of it:
The speaker is talking to someone with an extremely self destructive personality. He's decided that he won't put up with all the ups and downs anymore, and can't take the emotional strain that is placed upon him by being in a relationship with this person. Although he has made up his mind to leave the relationship, he knows that it'll be tormenting to do so, because he still does care about the person, even though he knows how much better off he would be without them.

so do I get a free CD?

Merkaba 02-09-2006 01:21 AM

I'd say the other person is extremely dependent upon the speaker and he has had enough of supporting this never ending charity. The speaker wants to know the truth as to why the other person cannot fend for his/herself as he is fed up with the support he seems to be constantly dishing out. By the end of the song he has lost faith and is no longer interested in helping someone who refuses to help themselves.

Crashing Sun 02-09-2006 03:18 PM

Jibber and Merk are both on the right track but not quite specific enough. Jibber gets another chance to clarify/elaborate just a little more and if not we can go to Merk and if not then anyone else can go except for rise again who was way off (no offense rise).

I'm also not paying to ship my CD overseas. If you want you can send me postage or I'll just email you the mp3s. Sorry I didn't specify that earlier but that's what you get for entering an informal contest with a stranger over the internet. If you win then review the song as well and put some effort into it and I'll sign the CD too just in case you never know.

Damn the things you have to do around here to get your lyrics reviewed... So who wants back issues of Maxim? :p:

IILineskierII 02-09-2006 03:58 PM

I think its good

Merkaba 02-09-2006 10:56 PM

Crashing sun, the only other details I can draw from it are:

The last 4 lines of the First Verse, it sounds like the other person has some story to tell and instead of letting it go to the grave with them, the speaker wishes to know what is hidden within her.

The second verse somewhat confuses me, particularly the last three lines as it seems like whatever the other person has concealed, is likely to inflict some sort of emotional pain upon the speaker. The speaker seems aware of this but wishes to know all the same, no matter how painful the truth is. Whats confusing to me is that throughout the rest of the song it's like the speaker is the strong character, the one with a shoulder to lean on, yet at these three lines it's as if the other person knows something that will destabilise the speaker.

The last chorus is interesting as it sort of finally reveals what is truly on the speakers mind. The reason he's really being so helpful...

I can gather that much from it but I can't link it all together to make it anymore accurate then my original interpretation.

Crashing Sun 02-10-2006 08:28 AM

Thanks Lineskier and especially Merkaba who's making a grand effort. :thumb: This really helps me.

Not getting the specifics across is my fault as these lyrics are vague and somewhat open to interpretation, but that's also sort of intended. The truth is I hate writing lyrics because they are so hard to do well. So on the other hand I'm fine with people getting only this much out of it. It's actually more than I thought you would get.

I'll leave this open just a little longer to see if anyone else zones in on the key-word I'm looking for and then I'll breakdown the lyrics for you. Merkaba, you can have a CD.

Merkaba 02-11-2006 09:51 PM

Sweet. Very sweet. So erm, how do we go about giving me the goodies?

I guess pm me for starters.


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:46 AM.


© 2003-2022 Advameg, Inc.