Rise Again
 

heres my newest, tell me what it needs,

Rise Again

Why did you leave this,
How could you leave me alone,
And all we been through,
didn’t mean a ****ing thing,

The moon in the sky,
The tears in my eyes,
On the night,
It all died, 2x

This cant be,
You shouldn’t have to leave,
Now all I can say,
Is just why,

The moon in the sky,
The tears in my eyes,
On the night,
It all died, 2x

All the time,
I think why,
Why in do time,
Wont you rise again,

Through the eternal night,
You will never be in my sight,
But in the last round of this fight,
I will walk into the light,

The moon in the sky,
The tears in my eyes,
On the night,
It all died, 2x

Only to see you again….
Only to see you again….
Only to see you again….

Aw, I like it.

Yeah, how long have you been writing? 'Cause when I first started out a month into it I was writing the same wanna-be deep repetitive things.

In the first verse, it sounds like your angry (at least thats what I get when I read things like ****ing) then in the middle you sound sad over. Then the last 1/3 still seem sad over it, but less sad in the cry sense. Your emotions are all over the place and not focused, I don't care for the theme cause it kind of is "she left me i'm sad" and thats boring.

Why did she leave you? How did it really make you feel? Describe your emotions instead of just going "oh, i'm sad" that doesn't let the writer in. If you're going to write an emotional song, be emotional.

Yes, you can write.
As in you are very capable of typing coherent thoughts in a post.
But all of your songs (this and another) that I've read thus far are very vague. No real emotion whatsoever.
Your second stanza is the best thing this song has going for it.

is this any better,

Rise Again

Why did you leave this,
How could you leave me alone,
And all we been through,
didn’t mean a ****ing thing,

The moon in the sky,
The tears in my eyes,
On the night,
It all died, 2x

Your life meant every thing,
And you just let it slip away,
What about the ones you left behind,
Why don’t you just go away, (let me live my life)

The moon in the sky,
The tears in my eyes,
On the night,
It all died, 2x

These memories don’t fade,
They wont ever die,
I will have to let you go,
Until the end when I see you again,

The moon in the sky,
The tears in my eyes,
On the night,
It all died, 2x

Only to see you again….
Only to see you again….
Only to see you again….

quite a good song in my opinion but the emotions are all over the place

I have a song called Rise Again too :) Not quite the same style though.

I like your song

It's better. . . but there doesn't seem to be any emotion in here. Anybody could've written soemthing like this. You're stilll too vague.
It all just seems so forced

well lyrics are only a third of a song, the singing and the instruments will add emotion to the song, i cant really seem to think of any other things to mod in there, after all i like it the way it is.

Although i know im probably not the one to be saying this, you only need to write more, and sooner or later you'll look back on this and just go "holy crap... that was so bad compared to now..." thats how i am with everything i've written for all the time i have been writing, whether it be a year ago, or a month ago... just read more lyrics and write more lyrics and it will get both easier and better...