Building up a wall
 

Building up a wall

You run into the rain
With your head in your hand
Getting down in the mud
When you just cant stand
Cause It seems
Such a drag
When you realise
What she was getting at

But It doesn’t matter
I don’t have to leave
Cause I’ll be doing just as much
As I am doing here
I better stand
Before I fall
Tired arms
From building up a wall

Cause you tried too hard
To work out
Just what this silence
Is all about
You know me well
You play the past
But you and I both know
That aint gonna last


That's all. Check out my myspace *in my sig*. this song will be up there soon. hope you have all been well, especially you hobo, i wrote this song just for you. i might be back, im not sure.

peace

You better be back :/. I thought it was good, the ending wrapped it up really nice.

You used second person point of you and then first person point of view. In that regard you aren't consistent.
I thought your last stanza shuold be broken up into two because they seemed to have two different ideas. And in between those two stanzas you should have something that links them together.

I think this song and you have potential.

PS: come back soon. :)

cheers. yeah i did have another verse about building the wall to keep someone out but still in sight or such and such.

yeah i guess i am back.