Idea and Some lines Stolen from TrampinaTux - "LET'S PRETEND WE HAVE ESCAPED"
 

I stole this idea from TrampInaTux, of going on a train journey with somebody and feeling like you were running away with them. Nicked a few lines from him as well. I think I've made it into a slightly more direct and simple song and I'm pretty chuffed with the music for it.

Any criticism is appreciated, although picking out individual weak lines and suggesting how they could be changed would be the most helpful thing. Cheers.


Let's Pretend We Have Escaped

We board
The train
It's six in the morning
The world is cold and crisp
The air
Is clear
The excitement in our lungs
Expelled as mist

I feel
You shiver
Cold, adrenaline
And hunger combined
Take my coat
Keep warm
I'm here in t-shirt and jeans
But I don't mind

Let's pretend
We have escaped
Let's pretend
We have escaped
There's a map above our heads
It tells us where we're going
We sit together, eyes closed
We prefer not knowing
Let's pretend
We have escaped

You ask a question
I respond
Looking at the landscape
My voice is choked
We travel for
An hour or two
In-between lives
It feels like we've eloped

Let's pretend
We have escaped
Let's pretend
We have escaped
Our lives are like this train route
Planned around a clock
Linear and clockwork
Measured start and stops
So let's pretend
We have escaped

RECORDTHIS, which song was it you stole from?
I like it, especially that coat bit.

IT'S UP.

Once again, its on www.myspace.com/jodileeparker and is the song on auto-play on the player.

mm i liked it, nice loping guitar part and haunting vocals.