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ZeppelinAir 02-04-2007 02:50 AM

Mystic Grey-Black Sky
 
i would really if a few of you could tell me what i did right and did wrong on this poem

Mystic Grey-Black Sky

A funnel of chaos falls from the sky
In the midst of the mothers howl,
Hounds in the hell passes and the mother will sigh,
Leaving the symbol through the fields and cities,
Splinters of our shattered lives,
Fly and pierce into our eyes,
Bleeding and broken we continue on,
Though we always shall wonder,
How many had to die when chaos fell from the sky

Loser 02-04-2007 08:26 AM

It reminds me a bit of the tornados that hit florida this weekend. But I enjoyed it I would've wished it could be alittle longer though.

Crowe 02-04-2007 11:45 AM

Hey I like this one a lot. Lot of clarity in the imagery all compacted into a short piece. Very nice.

skindredluver 02-04-2007 12:15 PM

Ya i like it a lot to!Better then mine

ZeppelinAir 02-04-2007 03:30 PM

thanks all :D, i might still make it a bit longer


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