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A_Perfect_Sonnet 02-15-2007 12:46 AM

Anniversary In Minor
 
Ben Stivers
2/15/07

Anniversary In Minor

On the air tonight, my voice
Is a bird that cannot sing
Or carry out the phrase.
Turning the sky from night into day.

All I said was,
"Here is the key I am not."

I stood against a fire
And felt the warmth build to
An inevitable letdown of
An empty tune carried by a song.

All I said was,
"You are the sea I am draught."

My hands have laced this frame a hundred times.
Maybe I lack the understanding.
These arms have already died.

All I said was,
"You are the dawn I am dusk."

chickendude 02-15-2007 01:06 AM

Wtfx With The Title?

sleepy jack 02-15-2007 02:41 AM

youshouldrecordz this stuff nig.

PaperHurricanesAndPlanes 02-15-2007 11:05 AM

The calling your voice a bird should be removed. It wasn't interesting, and went nowhere. Other than that, pretty kick ass.

right-track 02-15-2007 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaperHurricanesAndPlanes (Post 336567)
The calling your voice a bird should be removed. It wasn't interesting, and went nowhere.

I thought it did.

Ah...the heralding of the silent exchange of a new day. :hphones:

Edit: ignore me...I'm rambling. :)

Crowe 02-15-2007 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A_Perfect_Sonnet (Post 336494)
Ben Stivers
2/15/07

Anniversary In Minor

On the air tonight, my voice
Is a bird that cannot sing
Or carry out the phrase.
Turning the sky from night into day.

All I said was,
"Here is the key I am not."


Does not fit the analogies presented in the rest of the piece

I stood against a fire
And felt the warmth build to
An inevitable letdown of
An empty tune carried by a song.


Is let down synonymous with cold?

All I said was,
"You are the sea I am draught."

My hands have laced this frame a hundred times.
Maybe I lack the understanding.
These arms have already died.

This is where I lack understanding. When did your arms come into the picture, I thought the weakness stemmed from the voice? What's going on here?

All I said was,
"You are the dawn I am dusk."

Hm?


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