The Crow's Rein
 

something short and to the point,

The Crow’s Rein

A brand new scar from the star that fell and blinded my eyes,
I would love to see the street light shine one more time,
The stars are only half as bright now tonight,

Time and time again are these words spoken,
Love is to lust and never to be told sincerely,
Let the crow rein supreme over our deceived eyes,

Falling rain doesn’t wash away the hated from that eye,
It still blinds me and haunts my every thought,
Still remembering the day that my trust was betrayed,
Betrayed by the star that shined magically in my eyes,
But the star died because you lied,

Time and time again are these words spoken,
Love is to lust and never to be told sincerely,
Let the crow rein supreme over our deceived eyes

I was enchanted until the final line of the 3rd stanza. it just seems a bit too blunt for an otherwise wonderfully worded and written piece. I'm sure you can find a way to get the same idea across without taking away from the rest of it... whatever, thats probably just me. Over all its great, especially the opening.

also if you have the time, i'm interested in hearing your thoughts on either "the deliberation" or "sunraze", i've sorta been hurting for feedback lately

i will check them out

"Time and time again are these words spoken,
Love is to lust and never to be told sincerely"

Those are absolutely beautiful lines, I read that over three times before I finished the rest of the poem.

I'm not as fond of the line about the crow reining supreme though.

Overall this is a great piece, I thoroughly enjoyed it and I LOVE the lines I quoted above.. good job :)