Rescue
 

Here's my first full song I wrote for my band, it took about a month or two to write. Since I've just started writing I don't know if that's long or short so could you tell me. It's sort of slow rock but it's a bit faster. Read all the way through or it won't make sense. I quite like it, but any constructive critisizim is gladly appreciated:afro: Oh, and I know spelled critizim wrong.

Rescue

Rescue,
Whoa-whoa,
Rescue,
Yeah-yeah,
Some love, some dance, girl I have to seize this chance,
Girl, I need this rescue,
Some love, some dance, girl I have to seize this chance,
Girl, I need this now.

What do I have to do to stay alive,
How do I have to do to stay alive,
Why do I have to do to stay alive,
In this wasteland.

I’m feelin’ my heart breakin’,
So I got to take in,
That I need a rescue,
Girl, I hope that rescue’s from you.

Rescue,
Whoa-whoa,
Rescue,
Yeah-yeah,
Some love, some dance, girl I have to seize this chance,
Girl, I need this rescue,
Some love, some dance, girl I have to seize this chance,
Girl, I need this now.

What can I do when I’m so lonely,
How can I do when I’m so lonely,
Why should I do when I’m so lonely,
In this wasteland.

My loneliness is ragin’,
My heart confined to cagin’,
Girl, would you care to dance,
Girl, I have to seize this chance.

Rescue,
Whoa-whoa,
Rescue,
Yeah-yeah,
Some love, some dance, girl I have to seize this chance,
Girl, I need this rescue,
Some love, some dance, girl I have to seize this chance,
Girl, I need this now.

What do I do to start to dance now,
How do I do to start to dance now,
Why can I do to start to dance now,
In this wasteland.

I’m stuck inside my own mind,
My feelings for you confined,
Such a lonely wasteland,
Break me free and take my hand.

Rescue,
Whoa-whoa,
Rescue,
Yeah-yeah,
Some love, some dance, girl I have to seize this chance,
Girl, I need this rescue,
Some love, some dance, girl I have to seize this chance,
Girl, I need this now.

Rescue, whoa,
Rescue, yeah,
Need this, rescue,
Lead me there.

So,
Do want to dance with me,
Give me a rescue, set me free.

Monumental monosyllabic (for the most part) claptrap.
Bland at best.
Enough to make a hardened veteran of emo want to slash his wrists in despair, but for all the wrong reasons.

What do I have to do to stay alive,
How do I have to do to stay alive,
Why do I have to do to stay alive,
In this wasteland.

^ Nonsensical and a grammatical nightmare.

These are the worst song lyrics I've ever witnessed here on MusicBanter.
Everything about it is truly horrendous.
A potential number 1 smash hit.

Yes...it's that bad!

Okay then, thanks for the critique. Could explain the smash hit joke though, please?

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin' fly
Brother I ain't askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't taken
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating.

My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)
You love my lady lumps (love),
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),
My humps they got you...etc.

RT, THESE LYRIC'S ARE AWSOME BRO! YOU WRITE THEM? OR KNOW WHO DID? THEY READ AS RAP LYRICS TO ME.(Opinion).I drve these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin' fly
Brother I ain't askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't taken
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating.

That's FERGIE / Black Eyed Peas dude!
She rocks the house

I was trying to demonstrate how truly awful lyrics don't neccessarily make for an unpopular song.

I failed. :(

Thanks for info CA. Got to hear the song. Later man. And thanks again for info Bro.

I got'cha RT.