Exactly. You're too quick... how much time did you spend with this piece? And why did you write it? It doesn't seem to be about anything other than a non-terrifying acid trip.

when i titled the thread i was refering to the length of the peice
its definatly not my best but i like it and i was curious of what other people thought

Well there you go.

when i was at primary school i entered a poetry competition with every school and I wrote

there was an old lady from leeds
who ate a whole packet of seeds
in less then an hour
she became a large flower
and strangled all the kids who were weeds!

and it won the competition and got published in a book called rabbiting on.
thing is one teacher didn't like me and she never told me about the award ceremony and because I didn't turn up they gave the prizes to the second place girl who got a stereo, vouchers and loads of toys.
I found out back at school and just got a pen.
The girls poem was the usual crap like
the dew on the trees makes me sad like a buttercup in the sky or whatever.
I hate poems that are like that.
The stars sparkled like a jewel in my tears.....
poems should be witty otherwise they are just someones own silly waffling trying to be profound.
I liked this persons poem though.
Because it has a narrative and makes use of words in a cyclical yet unrepetitive way.
It also is unpretentous and shows longing and is youthfull showing love and lust and the nature of it's cyclical swirling nature verging on insanity yet been quite common.
I say to the author great stuff and you can always tweak the words and make it even better.

Adele, that was entirely irrelevant

Is this your secret to writing poetry?

I write rhymes not poems.
If we take ourselves too seriously then all life is is one upmanship like big cities all full of hate and malice leading enevitably to war and oppression.
I left the big city behind and I am now at peace.
Believe me young people, don't be kurt cobains be happy.
I am sorry Urban.
I like to mock and joke and have a laugh otherwise it is just....i like radiohead......i don't like them.....i don't either.......well you are wrong I think they are good etc etc.
By the way when will savanagh next be online.
I'd like discuss the merits of the cultural movements in music with her!!!!!!!

you and everything you stand for, rather--the fact that you stand for nothing, is obnoxious.
From what you're saying, your life is entirely meaningless.

In my opinion the song sounds a little cheesy. I'm not sure what it is but it makes me kind of uncomfortable reading it. Just my opinion I guess but... yeah there you go.

untitled song
 

i finished this song yesterday but i cant think of a title for it so help with that would be great
also i think it could be longer before the last verse so any help is much appriciated.


You said you loved me
Then you went and used me
I asked you why
You said I shouldn’t take it so hard
Yeah well here’s the thing

I may look strong on the outside
But girl
My heart
It bleeds on the inside

I didn’t see you for weeks
I took a walk down the street
I see you there with someone else
You say it wasn’t what it seemed
If it wasn’t what it seemed then what was it then

I may look strong on the outside
But girl
My heart
It bleeds on the inside

you’ve made your own ending
you’ve chosen how your going to live your life
You took it all away
Just to shove it in my face

Nobody told me what to do
Nobody told me where to hide
What to do
What to say
When you shoved it in my face
You took it all away

My life’s a circuit
Some how
it always finds it’s way back round
To the beginning where it all began
Loving someone
With my bleeding heart

I catch your gaze
You look away
You know about me
You don’t want me to say…
…what love is all about

My life’s a circuit
Some how
it always finds it’s way back round
To the beginning where it all began
Loving someone
With my bleeding heart