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Klamninja 02-22-2009 10:11 PM

My first song
 
I am writing a song for my girlfriend, and I need a bit of help coming up with lyrics.
I will let all who view listen when I am done.

Naked 02-22-2009 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klamninja (Post 601309)
I am writing a song for my girlfriend, and I need a bit of help coming up with lyrics.
I will let all who view listen when I am done.

Think of the things you do together, especially the little things. Start branching off from those and think of what you feel like when you do said things with her, and try and describe that feeling.
AVOID CLICHĖS.

Klamninja 02-22-2009 10:22 PM

I have half of my verse1, do you wanna see, please help with it.

Naked 02-22-2009 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klamninja (Post 601321)
I have half of my verse1, do you wanna see, please help with it.

Sure, post it.
If you want influence, I would suggest reading lyrics by Neutral Milk Hotel, Animal Collective, and Fleet Foxes for more Avant-Garde style, and bands like Death Cab for Cutie, The Decemberists, and Okkervil River for a more straightforward, heart on your sleeve approach.

And not to blow my own trumpet, but I just posted a love song (Flammable) here, if you want to take a look at that.

Klamninja 02-22-2009 10:28 PM

Thx for the tip, and here.

Alysia


When I first saw her, I knew she was the one.
Her beautyful eyes, they sparked like stars.
She never knew how much she means to me,
(last part can't get)

Naked 02-22-2009 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klamninja (Post 601328)
Thx for the tip, and here.

Alysia


When I first saw her, I knew she was the one.
Her beautyful eyes, they sparked like stars.
She never knew how much she means to me,
(last part can't get)

you've got a good idea going, here's a few suggestions-
First of, instead of saying "like the stars" you could use a metaphor- Talk about them as if they WERE stars.
Second, AVOID CLICHĖS. I can't stress that enough. I used to use them all the time when I first wrote, so don't be discouraged, but things like "Sparkled like the stars" are way overused.
Maybe think about obscure things that sparkle, or even what sparkles about her?
Open your mind, it doesn't have to make sense to ANYONE but you two, and on you're not supposed to tell the meaning on the surface.

Klamninja 02-22-2009 10:34 PM

What about:
- her beautyful eyes, it's like I'd seen the stars.

Naked 02-22-2009 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Klamninja (Post 601336)
What about:
- her beautyful eyes, it's like I'd seen the stars.

Good, Good! Now that's song writing!
But remember, is like necessary? If you want it there keep it, go ahead, but I'm a big big big fan of metaphors.
I don't know if you ever just look at the stars and talk with her, but if you do you could do something like:
Her eyes mingle with stars
as they sparkle and blend
together, as I lend
my words to her head

Getting the idea? It's all about personal experiences and finding powerful words and ways to express them

Klamninja 02-22-2009 11:10 PM

Ya ya, I see

Klamninja 02-24-2009 12:29 AM

I'm changing it all!


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