Revisited (metal, member, quote, memories, hands)

333 · 04-05-2009, 07:46 PM

free write:

A warm nostalgia bathes me. With my feet grounded, I'm weightless. Floating far from who I "am", I am face-to-face with myself. The wind breathes a scent of yesterday, caressing the pained creases on my face. I smile at the thought of letting go, squeeze your hand and breathe. We look beyond the empty lot to see the past playing before our eyes. In my hands, your fingers twitch as memories collide. With eyes shut, we hold our breaths. Pushing through the thick membrane of smoke as the flames scorch our peace, we run.

Nation · 04-09-2009, 03:13 PM

I liked that quite a lot...
It ends slightly abruptly, but it does encourage imagination at the ending, so thats actually ok.
All around, it's very nice.

333 · 04-27-2009, 08:41 PM

Hey, thanks. Just saw your comment. I figured this post was long gone.

Freebase Dali · 04-28-2009, 01:43 AM

I used to do freewriting like this. It's fun, and sometimes you learn things about yourself when you really analyze what you write.

I can't really offer any kind of criticism, as this is freewriting, but for what it's worth, the imagery was good. Couldn't really catch onto a lingering concept, but that's expected with freewriting.

333 · 04-28-2009, 01:47 AM

Though it was a free write, I do remember specifically trying to be vague. A good way to vent something too personal, I suppose.

Freebase Dali · 04-28-2009, 02:40 AM

Here we go.. something I freewrote in 06', then changed a few things for rhyme and relevance: (kinda dark)

Sickened. Adjustments. Fragility. Insight.
Blind my inner peace. Corrupt.
a Moment breaks. I tried.
Held on for long enough.
Adjust.
Positioned lust. We’re sick inside.
Pride in us is gone.
Release.

Beasts are but ourselves.
Without claws.

Succumb.
To desire, without the will to smother fire.
Without a surface deep enough.
To give us purpose.
Drown beneath.
In regressive downward motion.
Lost.
But stuggle to stay afloat.

Beasts are but our distant selves
With illusions.
Of hope.

333 · 04-28-2009, 03:40 AM

metal?

Freebase Dali · 04-28-2009, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 333

metal?

No.
Teen angst.

Wait...
Same thing.

04-05-2009, 07:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
333 Music Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 965	Revisited free write: A warm nostalgia bathes me. With my feet grounded, I'm weightless. Floating far from who I "am", I am face-to-face with myself. The wind breathes a scent of yesterday, caressing the pained creases on my face. I smile at the thought of letting go, squeeze your hand and breathe. We look beyond the empty lot to see the past playing before our eyes. In my hands, your fingers twitch as memories collide. With eyes shut, we hold our breaths. Pushing through the thick membrane of smoke as the flames scorch our peace, we run.

04-09-2009, 03:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
Nation Groupie Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 40	I liked that quite a lot... It ends slightly abruptly, but it does encourage imagination at the ending, so thats actually ok. All around, it's very nice. __________________ My music channel Nation's the name, Music is my game.

04-28-2009, 01:43 AM	#4 (permalink)
Freebase Dali Partying on the inside Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 5,584	I used to do freewriting like this. It's fun, and sometimes you learn things about yourself when you really analyze what you write. I can't really offer any kind of criticism, as this is freewriting, but for what it's worth, the imagery was good. Couldn't really catch onto a lingering concept, but that's expected with freewriting. __________________

04-28-2009, 02:40 AM	#6 (permalink)
Freebase Dali Partying on the inside Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 5,584	Here we go.. something I freewrote in 06', then changed a few things for rhyme and relevance: (kinda dark) Sickened. Adjustments. Fragility. Insight. Blind my inner peace. Corrupt. a Moment breaks. I tried. Held on for long enough. Adjust. Positioned lust. We’re sick inside. Pride in us is gone. Release. Beasts are but ourselves. Without claws. Succumb. To desire, without the will to smother fire. Without a surface deep enough. To give us purpose. Drown beneath. In regressive downward motion. Lost. But stuggle to stay afloat. Beasts are but our distant selves With illusions. Of hope. __________________

04-27-2009, 08:41 PM	#3 (permalink)
333 Music Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 965	Hey, thanks. Just saw your comment. I figured this post was long gone.

04-28-2009, 01:47 AM	#5 (permalink)
333 Music Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 965	Though it was a free write, I do remember specifically trying to be vague. A good way to vent something too personal, I suppose.

04-28-2009, 03:40 AM	#7 (permalink)
333 Music Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 965	metal?