*no name yet* BIBLICAL REFERENCES
 

He said it came to me in a vision
I said no, thats a lie
You don't revise the word of God
To fit your ideas of wrong or right

He said I had to misinterpret
I thought I led the world to light
I said look around
Do you see the sun?
Can you even open your eyes?

You're in Hell
You're in Hell
You're in Hell
You're in Hell
And you took everyone down with you
You're in Hell
You're in Hell
You're in Hell
And you took us all down with you


PS: Does it sound like I am trying desperately to be Jethro Tull or something?

Actually it reminded my of Coheed and Cambria.
Maybe too many "your in hell"'s?

Maybe you're right...

Actually, to me, this sounds like something Propagandhi would have written when they first started.

What genre is this? Punk? Metal? Rock? Hillbilly Flamenco?

The last one was a joke ;)

oh yes intuition is a wonderful thing

[QUOTE=Stone Birds;651079]What genre is this? Punk? Metal? Rock? Hillbilly Flamenco?QUOTE]
Uhh, rock with a bit of synths...kinda like Ozzy's "No More Tears". I haven't got music for it yet, but I wrote it with the 80s in mind, and I know its a synth-y song.

I was definitely in hell while reading this.

I just got it. It sounds like i'm trying to be genisis. And i don't even like genesis. *hits self in head with shovel*

TumorAttitude's Songwriting Journal
 

1

Its painful to be alive
Feels like I'm gonna die
Every time you notice all the stupid things I do

Everyone tastes like they'll get me high,
Glamrock perfection, sugar and dye,
Candy comes before genuine
I bore you because I'm real

(Theres more, but the rest was ghastly.)


2

I knw that the Earth revolves around the sun,
And I know I'm not the only one,
In the darkness reachin' for your light,
Ground is shifting, thats what this feels like

Be tough and shine like a diamond 'till you die,
And I don't care, I won't ask why.
My life is mine to waste, and I sure won't hold my breath,
You're numb like a raincloud, an object at best

I know that the Earth revolves around the sun,
I know you're the only thing I really want.
And in the darkness reaching for the light,
Stuck in isolation, is what these days feel like

(I hate this one.)

Um....no one?
Thats ok, I'll try not to post anything too....bland in the future. I just was kinda hoping you guys would give me some tips? *pouts*

Don't worry about it, I've had many good songs die on these boards.
Try to avoid cliches like "shine like a diamond" and the like, think of your own ways to say them, make them personal. They always end up being able to describe what you're trying to say better than Cliches do.

And don't be so down on yourself.

I hate this.
Christians need to stop telling open-minded individuals to go to Hell.


Why don't you write something like this instead:

A man walked up to me the other day
He had a shirt on that said
"Homophobia is whack"
I said, "Hey, you're going to Hell."

Then the man kissed me
It was wonderful

Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like

Never knew I was gay
Always thought it was something you learned

Now I know what Heaven's like
Now I know what Heaven's like

Amen






Rough draft.

^ :laughing:

Um, actually, I wrote this song with homophobia in mind. What if the person who was writing out the bible (through God, I guess), screwed up and put one of his own opinions in there? And that opinion was to stone the ***s? And God, real God, doesn't really care if you're straight or ***, he just wants peace and equality?

But what happens to the bad-egg "prophet"? He goes to hell, but since he started an army of small-minded bigots, he "brought everyone down with him".

I'm aware that these arn't good, but I'M NOT A BIGOT. I'M NOT A HOMOPHOBE. AND THIS SONG ISN'T REALLY A CHRISTIAN ANTHEM. Its fiction.

well that was terrible

Are they not interchangeable?

Leh, I dunno. Existentialist.

Yes, I know its crap. I always sort of knew it was crap. But what can I do to NOT write crap? What can I do to improve on the monstrosity I have created?

Read lyrics of the masters. Do drugs, open your mind. Start looking at the world in a different way, one of abstract metaphors and connections.

TumorAttitude, your threads have been merged into one.

Read : http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html

Send me or another mod a PM with a link to this thread if you want us to change the name.