song i wrote. tell me what you think?
 

well im sort of new at this but do tell me what you think ;D

im watching you disappear
but before you go, you should know
im sort of in love with you

i want to forget you
i want to remember you
but even if i never see you again

i can still hope that youll show up
i can still replay those memories
i can still wonder what could have been

its only been a day but i miss you
wish there was a way you could miss me too
i know it wont happen to me
but i can still dream

i hear you playing guitar
i want to smile, i want to cry
i cant do either, it would give me away

i need to forget
i need to remember
and even if i never see you again

i can still hope that you'll show up
i can still replay those memories
i can still wonder what could have been

its only been a day but i miss you
wish there was a way you could miss me too
i know it wont happen to me

yesterday i came home crying
knowing that impossible wasn't changing
for me

but i can still dream

Your sister has moved out of your parents house
very thought provoking. i'm opening a bottle of whiskey can't wait for part 2.

passable, depending on the musical background and melodies. However, it really is..flat. I guess I'll be using that word a lot today. :S

here, read this i posted for someone else and see if it helps you:

There are some pretty strong lines. But others are weak. They take away from the power of your message. Lines like:

"im sort of in love with you"
"knowing that impossible wasn't changing"
"i know it wont happen to me / but i can still dream"

I think what's holding you back is, some of the phrasing is really noncommittal. This is a sad song. There's a lot of pain in the story you're telling. But there are too many throwaway syllables, and the structure is too loose.

Maybe that's what you're going for. And maybe it actually works better than I think. It's hard to say without hearing the melody and the arrangement that goes under it all.