Ugly
 

Hello everyone,

its been a while but I have another song.

read lyrics on the side on youtube.


YouTube - Ugly (acoustic).


thanks for looking!

-Ems-

direct link...

Lyrics:
Blowing hot air or running in place
you can call it what you want but it all ends the same
you and i, saying goodbye
with a six hour car ride
to think about the times
where i could have crossed your lines (2x)

Sometimes Keely you gotta be ugly
Oh I dont mean that literally
Guess I couldn't put together the facts, well...
At least I got this hat, yeah

Dont get me wrong
I dont mean to boast
Im not Mohammad's Gandhi or the holy ghost
It'll take sometime, to realize
Your shoes are in the mud
and your food is overdone

How I wish I could explain
All the reason for the rain
Torn down, risen up then called a mutt
I'm in love with life despite my **** ups

I honestly don't feel like going into an all out critique today, so I'll tell you mostly what is good about your song, and a little of the bad.

1.)Music is decent, but lacking suprises. I didn't listen all the way through, but modulating up a half step is the usual 'suprise'. Switching up the feel or meter would also usher in a couple more ears.

2.)Nice Hat

3.)Your singing is on pitch. You sound like every other guy I know who plays guitar, the only difference being that you're better than them. Still, If that style is not what naturally comes to you, don't force it.

4.)Melody is a little iffy. A good song has a really defined melody--so, if you ever find a piano, sit down and write out the melody note by note. Don't forget to include some 7ths in there too. They make it sound that much more interesting if used correctly.

5.)the lyrics are, in fact, quite good. Both your 'choruses', if that's what you call them are the weakest parts of the song, mainly because the words in them drag on into the next phrase quite uncomfortably. It would be different if you sang them with a huge amount of confidence, but you don't--that's mainly because, as I said in point 4, you don't have an incredibly well defined melody. Again, that could be solved by sitting down at a piano or something.

So, I'm tired, wanna take a nap, but can't. Gotta do some things; meet some people etc. etc. I would like to hear some more of your work.

peace out,
-nick

here is an example of one of my complete pieces. "Ugly" has two guitar parts and a lot more lyrics but my friend wasn't around at the time that i threw that together.

tell me what you think of this.

Here's both parts for Ugly...

You seem to emcompass some Andy Mckee, John Mayer, Dave Matthews or whatever the names of all those acoustic college bands and artists out there are. It's not bad at all--not my style of course, so I can't really critique it without bias. Your melody seemed more defined in that second version of Ugly, so you can disregard my comments about sitting down at a piano. (I'd recommend trying it for another song though, especially when you have an interesting scale like the Neapolitan scale written down. They make a song that much more fun to write).

There's nothing fundamentally wrong with either of your tunes. Landfill certainly sounds like it would be better with a full band and a good overdrive pedal, but it's all based on how you feel it flows with the rest of your set.

peace,
-nick