something
 

Just something I wrote... It will need editing, but I think there are a lot of cool lines here. I just hope I didn't accidentally steal them...

I see you there
Eyes wide with wonder
The world could have been yours
Yet decadence triumphed
All that remains is wonder, and fear,
Such fear as only children can feel
A child left behind, and yet
A lord among the flies

Life comes with no guarantee
So let it all become fantasy
Let tales be told of your dreamland,
Though it will be undone in the end
A false world is better than a dying one

Songs shall be sung of your wisdom,
Of a paradise that bloomed from deceit,
Of the walker of secret ways
Who endured through his souls long retreat

Life comes with no guarantee
So let it all become fantasy
Let tales be told of your dreamland,
Though it will be undone in the end
A false world is better than a dying one

A blistering plain marks the start
Of this most glorious concert,
The mightiest live in the desert
And empires are born in the dark

Life comes with no guarantee
So let it all become fantasy
Let tales be told of your dreamland,
Though it will be undone in the end
A false world is better than a dying one

Comments welcome...

Well you've got this poem here, and it needs music, or at least some form of context, otherwise there's nothing to say besides the fact that it's good for a poem, although the deep and cutting statements are a little too abundant. It kinda gets to the point where the impact of each stanza is lessened to a greater degree. If you wish to understand what I mean, check out this stanza:

It's not the greatest example of what I mean, I'll admit, but understand how irrelevant the fourth line is. It seems that way, but it has even more impact because the meaning is made clear in the last two lines. Your waving the hammer around so much that you miss us altogether. Lure us in, and then hit us with a hammer. You see what I'm sayin?

peace out,
-nick

I understand what you are saying... But for some reason it seems a whole lot harder to come up with little, ordinary-seeming lines than it is to conjure forth bold statements. That doesn't seem right at all...

Don't force the change then. The more you write, the more you develop the style. Just keep writing and more original dialouge should come to you after a while.

peace,
-nick

Ok, thanks

Here is a more recent one I wrote

Do you remember the day we last met?
Tears fell, and tempers rose
You said a thousand useless words
Time told we were both wrong

You wear a smile for the crowd
Throw your dignity to the ground
You live a life, but not your own
How can you think you're innocent?

My soul was torn in two that day
I'd have it any other way
You dream a dream, but not your own
And laugh at my discontent

You have nothing to say
But you shout it out anyway
You die a death, and now it's yours
But what does it have to represent?

Do you remember the day we first met?
Gazes fell, and colors rose
You said a thousand loving words
And we forgot about yesterday

But innocence and beauty fall together
I liked you 'till you did something
I was blind, and nobody
Deserved it more than me

You wear a smile for the crowd
Throw your dignity to the ground
You live a life, but not your own
How can you think you're innocent?

My soul was torn in two that day
I'd have it any other way
You dream a dream, but not your own
And laugh at my discontent

You have nothing to say
But you shout it out anyway
You die a death, and now it's yours
But what does it have to represent?

But innocence and beauty fall together
Lifeblood, mindset, torture chamber
I was so much happier
When I just didn't care

It took a year for me to build the place of your demise
So sad it was wasted, you were taken by surprise
It's odd how "No Emotions" means
One has a heart at ease…

You wear a smile for the crowd
Throw your dignity to the ground
You live a life, but not your own
How can you think you're innocent?

My soul was torn in two that day
I'd have it any other way
You dream a dream, but not your own
And laugh at my discontent

You have nothing to say
But you shout it out anyway
You die a death, and now it's yours
But what does it have to represent?