Song.

[littleknowitall]

Verse

Hey man can you give us the answer please?
Can't we all have your disease
Can't we all shut out the world and forget
let no body in to regret
Won't you please give me a smile?
Had the feeling we might have to wait a while
To find out what your really thinking
Never see you let anybody in

Verse

And you might think that it's the way
Justify your day to day
Inside you're all on your own
Seems to me it must get lonesome
Fixed to this you might not see
Just how happy life can be
If you'd just tear down the wall
It might not even hurt at all

Chorus

Hey Mr.Man, with all your plans
Seen everything and all to hand
Wouldn't you once just like to smile back at the sun

[VEGANGELICA]

Hello littleknowitall,

Your song topic has a Beatles-like feel to me, a little like "Hey Jude," since your song is about someone who is reclusive and is not letting himself be affected by life or interact with it. From "Hey Jude": "It's a fool who plays it cool by making this world a little colder." "So let it out and let it in."

I have some comments, shown in bold below, about specific lines in your song:

Originally Posted by littleknowitall

Verse

Hey man can you give us the answer please?
Can't we all have your disease (By writing "can't we all," it sounds like you *want* his disease of aloofness (?)...though I think you mean this ironically. Still, when I read this and the following line, both made me think that what is described is desirable to the speaker rather than undesirable, so i was a little confused)
Can't we all shut out the world and forget
let no body in to regret (I like this line: the man lets no one in so he can't regret the potential loss of that person, is my interpretation)
Won't you please give me a smile? (Hmmm. Here's what I thought when I read this line: feeling pressured by someone to smile is never a fun feeling. If I were this man I'd probably frown even more. Being pressured to be social and outgoing may be more comfortable for those observing the man, but may not feel good for him. If someone always wanted me to smile, that would be a person I would probably avoid because it would feel uncomfortable for me to try to hide my feelings)
Had the feeling we might have to wait a while
To find out what your really thinking
Never see you let anybody in (this line especially reminded me of "Hey Jude")

Verse

And you might think that it's the way
Justify your day to day
Inside you're all on your own
Seems to me it must get lonesome
Fixed to this you might not see (do you mean "fixed" as in "adhering" to this way of life?)
Just how happy life can be
If you'd just tear down the wall ("tearing down the wall" is such a common cliche plus is used in that famous Pink Floyd "The Wall" album about personal isolation, that the line doesn't work so well for me, because it makes me think about these issues and breaks me out of the "imagined universe" of the song, if that makes sense)
It might not even hurt at all

Chorus

Hey Mr.Man, with all your plans ("Mr. Man" somehow makes the song topic seem more playful or trivial. I think you could leave it out without any ill effects)
Seen everything and all to hand (what do you mean by "all to hand?")
Wouldn't you once just like to smile back at the sun (The image of the sun smiling at us is a playful, childlike image. I know you mean to ask this person why he doesn't respond to all the beauty and joy in life, for which you are using the sun as a metaphor, correct? The sun metaphor is used so often in songs to represent happiness that I'd prefer it be used very sparingly, such as in a verse rather than in a chorus.)

Finally, what is the format of your song? Are you planning on verse, chorus, verse, chorus? Right now it seems very short to me and I'm curious about the overall structure that you plan.

[Sljslj]

Like the concept, I can relate to your subject because I have problems with being social. At first at this was a song about wishing for ignorance so you don't have to face life's problems because of those lines "Can't we all have your disease, Can't we all shut out the world and forget."... I think I understand your purpose now, though. I would just change the aforementioned lines the "Mr. Man" line.
Good job, I hope to see more from you in the future.