Music Banter - A Song I Wrote.

I've always been into creative writing and such, and over the last few weeks I've been trying to write a few songs. I wrote a rap song about a man who's mother is suffering from a mental illness and recorded it on my computer over this Surfjan Stevens mashup beat (It's from the album Illinoize by Tor, I've seen it mentioned around here, it is an album of Surfjan Steven songs mashed up with rap songs). The songs called "Crimson and Clover" and here are the lyrics:

First Verse:
She just sits and watches/I try to block it/We both know we cant stop it/Cant pinpoint the time that she lost it/Cant rewind the clock to lock it/the door where we were bought the diagnosis/A roar to god as I ask him why he chose this/A cruel fate for my kind mother why wasn’t it some other?/even crueller on her closest/Not that she knows this/I walk in she takes no notice/But Just as I get up to leave her mouth opens/She sings as I watch hopeless..

Second verse:
The past and future seem to swap places/Her mind is where she feels safest/Noone can get in, not even me/her brain is locked/ and god threw away the key/It seems so easy, for her to just flee/not a thought for her family not even a memory/I try to intervene /or should I just let her be/the doctor comes and hes telling me/theres not long to go, I wonder does she know?/How much she takes in is sounclear/I hope when death comes she has no fear/if only she was only here to wipe away these tears/ I can hear her voice but I know shes not near/Wasting away, into another land/Should have savoured the days when she would grasp my hand/ Make my heart calm like only a mother can..

Third Verse:
One last plea but its no use/God decides the paths we don’t get to choose/So Sad to see a proud woman reduced/Healthy body but her mind is induced/to confusion and illusion, I keep the memories cos she’ll lose them/Try to improve them/caught up delusion/Her heads slumps forward I try to hold her/Death comes forward in the final quarter/ Years of misery is ended by order/A sting in my heart of things could’ve told her/I start to sing as her body grows colder/The word echo as a weight leaves my shoulder/

And here is my recording of it:

I know the recording quality is **** but I'd be interested to know what any of you think of the lyrics and delivery (I'd really appreciate it). Criticism and abuse welcome... :beer: