Thank you! As I mentioned in the "To see music"-thread, I often base my music on colours, pictures and athmospheres, and try to create it with lyrics and sound, so I'm happy to see that it had the effect I wanted to!
Oh, and I should probably read The Great Gatsby. I haven't. But I will.

they treat me like I'm a bad person
like this is the hotel
where rotten villains come to die
like my eyes are drenched
in dead children's blood
and my dark heart's pumping out poisonous promises
to pollute this sad world
they sell me things I know I'd be better off without
and they poison my water
until I'm starving of distrust
smiles in a cold gust
they keep their bright lights on
paint all the faces I dread
can't get an hour of sleep
can't seem to hope



A song I wrote while on vacation this year.
I'll probably go back and edit some of it later, not sure if I'm completely satisfied with it yet.

there are no branches
in the woods near my house
they're snakes down the river
in the orange mornings
wild dogs are waking up
and the hunter's knife is sobbing
scarecrow sunmilk
don't you remember the summer you were born?

Okay, so I've rewritten and recorded 'Rusty Cars'
Here are the lyrics:

take me to the broken homes
the barking dogs and rusty cars
crazy thought

take me to the hanging ropes
the smashed open windows
crazy thought

meet all the melting children,
the cold arms of friends
who just watch us run
to see how fast it ends
meet all the happy people
with pasts full of blindness
you can never learn to know them
to try would be mindless

take me to the concrete faces
the cut down trees and closing eyes
crazy thought

take me to the broken homes
the barking dogs and rusty cars
crazy thought
take me home

'cause I'm driving a car
with the devil in the backseat
hearts on the floor
and no one can track me


I'm posting the link to the song as well, to show you how the lyrics are meant to "sound" (if that makes sense). It would also be nice if anyone wanted to give me some feedback on the music itself!


Ghostwriter - Rusty Cars (Original Song) - YouTube

Thanks.

Good work, appleghost. As a fan of your writing, I really appreciated hearing what it sounds like set to music. I like the rhythm and the tone of the song. As for the technical mumbo-jumbo having to do with instrumentation, I really can't give much input.

As for the words, some of the lyrics sound a touch awkward in places (it's mostly just a matter of timing, I think, esp. on the line "you can never learn to know them," it sounds a bit rushed to me. There are a couple of ways it can be sung that make it roll off the tongue more smoothly.) But overall, I actually quite liked it!

I'm also glad you posted this because it gave me a chance to check out some of your other work, much of which I really enjoyed! It's just so relaxing to listen to- some nice rainy day trip hop :)

Thank you for the comment and the critique!

I see what you mean by timing, and I agree. I will definitely redo some parts when I'm ready to make an album.

Glad to hear that you enjoyed my other work, too! Many of my other songs have potential to get better, as I'm developing my vocal and production skills, though.

Very nice to hear your input!
I like that robot of yours.

Hey, you're welcome :)
I don't really enjoy giving critiques, but honesty can be helpful. You've definitely got a lot of potential and talent and I'm really looking forward to seeing how your work grows over time.

As for the robot, yeah, he's a really great found art sculpture I came across one day. I kind of identified with the little guy for some reason, so I made him my avatar.

hop out of the bed / turn my swag on
 

you will go to sleep one day

and tobacco prophets
will wrap their cloaks around you
tell us that they found you
and paint you white

will the rope feel tight?
drugged-down spokesman
don't you know you're right?

the many scents of punishment
wrap them 'round your heart

you have a gun and the future is to cock it
the morning has its drugs in the bottom of my pocket
to grow up as another body open skull
would never let them do it

baby don't leave me/it hurts so much/ooooh, baby, yeeeah
 

Here's a song I'm working on. I'm especially excited for how it's going to sound once recorded.
it's also one of the first songs of mine where I've focused on rhyming


down drunk stairs
rust and bones
hiding in the drains
where money grows
spitting down the road
dusty thrones
amongst the rats
you refuse to know

and it's always right
but the night has teeth
as you float down the river
and the world is green

down crazy faces
ghost and wine
closed cafés
and a shattered mind
kicking in the door
broken spine
amongst the rats
the vulture shines

and it's always right
but the night has teeth
as you float down the river
and the world is green