My First Song
 

Okay guys, so even though I'm kinda new to this forum, doesn't mean I'm new to music haha.
I wrote this song a while back, it's about one of my ex-friends who threatened to stab me and I was paranoid for _weeks_ it was a pretty bad time in my life.
I started writing this on April 8 2012 and the first draft goes as follows (I lost the good copies :( )

Oh, where do I start?
You played with my feelings and broke my heart.
I lie broken,
You live your life acting outspoken.

I'm counting all your lies.
You threaten me with my demise.
Your time will come,
You've ran out of "friends" to go running to,
Do I look that dumb?

Now, comes a crucial time.
When, for you, the planets will align.
As cold as your heart, your world will eclipse.
But now, we'll decide your fate.
Influenced only, by your hate.
You'll never get out of this
All you words said to me..
Dismissed.
and when you meet your end.
You'll see you've lost, your only friend.

So guys I'm not really asking for hate, because you might not like it, I am 14, keep in mind :P
But anything that could help me with my future writing is appreciated :)

It's actually pretty good. It sucks that that happened to you, but you've come up with some very honest, very heartfelt words to express it. I don't know what sort of genre of music you're imagining for this, but it works quite well as a spoken word piece. At least, it does in my head.

Anyway, good work. The writing could be slightly better, but overall, very good.

Haha aw thanks man :3 I always appreciate it when someone gives me a boost like that, I agree it could be better, the final was, but I accidentally deleted the file, and the handwrtten draft is all that remains of it.
I've written more songs since, but I regard this as my best piece so far.

But right now, I'm attempting a little acoustic/pop side project to keep me busy while I wait for people to start showing interest in a band.

OH, and the song was intended for a metal type thingo, with a fast beat, kinda like Parkway Drive's 'Carrion'

Lyrically it is well written. I'm having trouble imagining what kind melody you have in mind for it. But I guess that's irrelevant, as long as you know. But again good job.

Wow...

I can't imagine how frightening that must have been for an early teen experience. But nonetheless, you expressed your discomfort pretty well in verse. Very meaningful.

Best of luck with it.

these lyrics are excellent.infact i wish i had writing 'em lol.
any ways i'm starting to write songs myself so maybe you could comment my songs if you come across them

Man, this thread's old.
But I named the song. Now it's called Riding a Horse, with No Arms and No Legs. xP

Thug lyf.:shycouch: