Wishing well

[mellotonin]

Hello,
Obviously new to this site. Ive been looking for a good place to share music and lyrics, and offer my own input. Ultimate guitar forums had too many metalheads that I don't think were an appropriate audience for me anyways. Here's my first lyric post, it goes to music I've written. lemme know what you think, leave a link to yours.

All your friends, where did they all just go?
It all depends on things you don't understand, and
Circumstance invites herself over
The consequence has you look over your shoulder

Theres things I knew that we all do
These ghosts will never forget you
It's all the same, don't be afraid
I even wrote in my own name
"Your not makin sense" is like a compliment
Truth don't favor consequence
Unwritten laws of golden falls
Comes to you as to us all

I'm talkin less more for the best
These flavors I just love to test
From the wishing well I had my fill
Pissed it all out, oh well, but still
It's all goin great, say what you wanna say
Seven billion wonders in the world today
I just want you around, want just you around
Tell me what to do and I'll do it now

On a string you swirl and dance and sing and prance
And make a scene just to fake an old romance
That may have been, in times of old fashioned clothes
A hundred years, what can you make with those?

Honestly, I refuse to be
this reused take on family
A father's son, the only one
to help him pass the time alone
Its all in his head, this side of death
has confused people of much less
The setting sun that we rest upon
Rises into skies beyond

It's all messed up, confess your drug
Repress your mind to test your love
Whoever shot the gun, his race is run
The gold he holds dont show hes won
I hide my face so commonplace
These pictures paint a dull portrait
Of these birthing sounds that float around
Keep us in the here and now

[KathyB]

Ok....

IMO...you have a great free flowing heady poem. So if I were you...I would pull out some of the lines that you love and go with a feeling you are writing about...are sad,happy, frustrated, write to that one emotion. I would boil down the lines to follow that emotion...another suggestion is don't rhyme unless it makes sense.

Good luck with the rewrite...