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[Geetarguy]

Its been awhile since I've posted here. I got too busy with life; daughter, move, job, blah blah blah.

Anyways, I would like some criticism on my new song, whether it be positive or negative.

I'm just wondering what you guys think of it. Thanks!




Lyrics:
Through Grace all things can fade,
Even sun that heats the rain,
Left home without a face,
Capsized in saving Grace,

Leaving all the world,
And the absurd
I discovered,
My memories have all changed,
Love is strange,
I discovered,

4 months without the shore,
Finally felt my only floor, to stand on
Harnessed to balustrade,
Hard pressed to end the rain, and stand it

I'm leaving all the world,
And the absurd,
I discovered,
My memories have all changed,
And love is strange,
I discovered...

[Geetarguy]

Critique from anyone?

[VEGANGELICA]

Hi Geetarguy,

I actually listened to your song last month and have been meaning all this time to give feedback! My overall impression of the song is that it is pleasant and would benefit from having a little more musical variety. Below I comment in more detail on aspects of the song and recording.

The guitar playing:

My favorite part is your use of harmonics, such as at 0:25. That is a beautiful moment! You also repeated those harmonics later at 3:25, which I enjoyed. I also especially like the tiny guitar solo at the end of the song (3:30). I would have liked to hear more of both.

The main drawback in the guitar accompaniment you have chosen, I feel, is that the strumming pattern you use becomes heavily thunka-thunka thunka-thunka throughout much of the song. I started to yearn for more variety. Also, the thunka-thunka-thunka strumming of the guitar suggests upbeat happiness, yet that seemed not to match the lyrics, which I think are less upbeat and more introspective.

My recommendation would be to add more harmonics here and there, and make a chorus where you perhaps change the guitar accompaniment pattern drastically (perhaps playing more of a "solo" guitar passage rather than just rhythm guitar, or leaving out the guitar altogether). I think I also miss the melodic change that having a bridge could have introduced. (I'm a fan of bridges in songs, so when they are absent, I miss them!)

The vocals:

I like the pattern of notes that you use in your chorus melody the best. I would reduce the sound of yodeling near the end after 2:40 or so. (I dislike falsetto, so I'm not the best person to critique any falsetto-sounding singing, because I will always dislike it, even if it is done well.) I felt that the pattern of notes you use in the verse got a little repetitive (which reminds me of how I feel the same thing about almost all of my own songs!). I feel your voice sounds solid but perhaps less so on the higher notes which may be more of a stretch for you, and very occasionally got just a bit out of tune?

One big issue in the song for me is that I can't fully understand the meaning behind the lyrics. I want to understand better your meaning behind the song. (I did notice that the second verse that you sing differs from the printed one.)

My best guess is that the song is about someone who has to go to sea in the military for 4 months and reassesses his life or learns it has changed due to his experiences. <-- You see, I really don't have any idea what the meaning behind the song is! I like that your lyrics allow people to read in what they think, but I'm someone who prefers lyrics to give me more direction so that I can follow the reasoning and won't feel lost.

The recording:

I found it very distracting to watch the song with the backdrop of your bathroom or mudroom (I kept debating with myself which it was!). I would have preferred simply a recording of your music matched with a still image. When I listened to the song a second time, I didn't watch the image because I knew if I did, I'd keep trying to identify what all those bottles behind you are!

* * *

I liked the song overall, Geetarguy. I felt a little empty after it, though, because I couldn't understand what it meant. Why did the memories change, for example? And I wasn't sure if the song was happy, sad, yearning, or what, exactly. I felt some yearning in the sound of the chorus, but I wasn't sure what the yearning was about, if there *was* yearning. The song felt heartfelt to me and I felt that the lyrics have significance to you, but I want to be given more hints in the song about the reason for their significance.

Finally, kudos to you for composing and recording your music with all the life responsibilities you have, even pleasant ones, that make it harder to find the time! I can relate.

[Geetarguy]

Thank you so much for the critique! Wonderful response.
The lack of a bridge has troubled me as well. I usually have a bridge in every song, whether it is prechorus, outro, intro, or otherwise. I do not sing in this bridge while performing live, as I actually have my bassist have a solo.

Thank you for noticing the harmonics, I have been doing them more and more as I play the song out. Its development has been a slow one, and I find it changing slightly week to week.
I like the repetitive "thunk-a, thunk-a" as you described, simply because it gets in someones head. I have a sort of Johnny Cash feel on the verse, being simple as it is, and repetitive.

The resonance of my bathroom has finally been exchanged for some condenser microphones, and an audio interface. I shall no longer record in my throne room! My next recording will be accompanied by video, or pictures.

As for falscetto- I understand where you are coming from. I have recently (in the past two years) developed mine. I am still weary of using it, and expect the worst. It is the only thing that makes me nervous performing live.
The post-chorus bridge is really a fill for the bass solo.

The lyrics are about my alcoholism prior to my daughter's birth, and how I felt when I first held her. They should be much easier read knowing that my daughter's name is Gracie, and that I was an alcoholic prior to having her.

I sometimes am too cryptic writing, but I have been getting less so in this, and more recent work. The "shore" is comparable to drinking; much of my lyrics are akin to being too metaphoric.

Again I can't thank you enough for the criticism, I appreciated all of it. You gave me a great in depth analysis, and things to think about.
Thanks again - Caleb

[VEGANGELICA]

You're welcome, Caleb. Your explanation about the song causes it to make much more sense to me lyrically and musically.

For example, knowing that there is a bass player fillng in with a bass solo during the post-chorus bridge explains why there is that gap. A bass solo would add variety I felt was missing in your guitar-only recording.

Your explanation about the metaphorical meaning of the song was especially helpful. I see now that having your child Gracie inspired you to leave the security of active alcoholism (the shore, the absurd stability that alcohol provides?) for the seas of sobriety, which must feel unstable and unsettling at first after relying on alcohol to provide a known but hurtful relationship with yourself and the world. (Do I have that interpretation correct now?)

That's an interesting metaphorical meaning, because at first I would have thought of alcoholism as being the sea, and sobriety the shore...but from the perspective of someone who is alcoholic, I can see how the reverse might feel true.

One line that confused me was when you sang (according to the lyrics you provided) "Capsized in saving race." Did you mean capsized in saving grace? I am confused about the "race" part. Capsized in saving grace would make more sense to me, since it would mean that due of having a child, you managed to throw yourself into the ocean for her sake as well as your own to make sure she doesn't drown in life because of your absence.

Rather than the thunka thunka of the guitar, the part I find most memorable about your song is the sound of the chorus and especially the rhyming of "absurd" with "discovered."

This reminds me that I have another comment about your lyrics as printed. I wondered if the punctuation of the chorus, if altered, would cause its meaning to be clearer. Here's the punctuation that I think would be better:

Leaving all the world
And the absurd,
I discovered
My memories have all changed,
[and] Love is strange,
I discovered.

^ The punctuation makes no difference when one is listening to the lyrics, but when reading them at first I thought since you used no comma between "absurd" and "I discovered" that you were talking about "the absurd [that] I discovered" rather than "leaving all the world and the absurd, I discovered my memories have all changed (etc.)."

So it *was* your bathroom! Mystery solved. Thank you. ~ Erica

[Geetarguy]

Oh yes "Grace" was simply a type error.
My whole existence has in fact changed; my point of view, my actions, and even altered memories. The part about memories holds two ideas of substance to me: Though I prefer them to be inferred by the reader.

It is funny that I generally do add the "and" you speak of when playing live now.

The bass solo in the post chorus is a simple walking line, but has some funky slaps. I will amend the typo.

Thank you again for your insights.
--Caleb

[Geetarguy]

I will be releasing some recordings in a week or two on facebook. You can like me here if you want.

Caleb Gould Martin | Facebook