I wrote this song please give me feedback!!

Singmeasong · 11-16-2012, 03:23 PM

Far Away In California

Everything I am &
Everything you do
Makes me everything I am &
What I want to be

You gave me meaning
Between all your screaming
I never want to lose you
Real love at first sight only happens once

I'll never forget you &
I'll never regret you
I wish I could catch you
But I'll never get you

You walked in & out
Faster than we both wanted
Never knew soul mates existed
Maybe we're just gifted but i'm
So Lifted in your presence

Come back from the desert
Bring me to life again
We could swim away in the ocean &
Never look back. Together
Forever lying under the moon, gazing
At the stars wrapped in each others arms.

But I'll still never get you &
I wish I could catch you
I'll never forget you (forget you) &
I'll never regret you (regret you)

**Janszoon** · 11-16-2012, 03:42 PM

Is it a black metal song?

slappyjenkins · 12-01-2012, 07:49 PM

The lyrics are solid, but we need to know the genre and melody. For some reason in my head it plays like a Coldplay song. Very vocal and drawn out and moody. Be careful they'll steal it!

Good job and keep it up!

11-16-2012, 03:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
Singmeasong Groupie Join Date: Nov 2012 Posts: 1	I wrote this song please give me feedback!! Far Away In California Everything I am & Everything you do Makes me everything I am & What I want to be You gave me meaning Between all your screaming I never want to lose you Real love at first sight only happens once I'll never forget you & I'll never regret you I wish I could catch you But I'll never get you You walked in & out Faster than we both wanted Never knew soul mates existed Maybe we're just gifted but i'm So Lifted in your presence Come back from the desert Bring me to life again We could swim away in the ocean & Never look back. Together Forever lying under the moon, gazing At the stars wrapped in each others arms. But I'll still never get you & I wish I could catch you I'll never forget you (forget you) & I'll never regret you (regret you)

11-16-2012, 03:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
Janszoon Mate, Spawn & Die Join Date: May 2007 Location: The Rapping Community Posts: 24,593	Is it a black metal song? __________________ A Night in the Life of the Invisible Man Time & Place 25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die last.fm

12-01-2012, 07:49 PM	#3 (permalink)
slappyjenkins Music Addict Join Date: Nov 2012 Posts: 214	The lyrics are solid, but we need to know the genre and melody. For some reason in my head it plays like a Coldplay song. Very vocal and drawn out and moody. Be careful they'll steal it! Good job and keep it up!