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f1stbr34k3r 12-19-2015 02:34 PM

Looking for critique - Pieces written over 8 months. [W.I.P - Metal]
 
About 8 months ago I decided to try to write my own music. I would like some feedback as to what I should work on, etc. The order of the pieces are in the order they were written, with the first one being written 8 months ago, all of them are unfinished as I always get stuck and move on to another one.

English is also not my first language, so mistakes are probably a given.



Lyrics 1:

Into The Atmosphere:

My trust's gone - it was lost again
Forced to run - it was lust again
Shown the truth - it was lost again
Death comes in - to the atmosphere

My trust's gone
I'm human again

I've seen the wounds healed by the pleasure
Faked and disguised with temporary lies
Once revealed, you'll have to hide
In monuments built from our demise

Where will I run?
I hold the knife to myself
Where can I hide?
Take it away
YOU FORCE ME
TO HOLD THIS PAIN
FORGET EVERY SINGLE MOMENT
LOST IN THE ATMOSPHERE

DEATH

INTO THE SOUL IT FILLS
Comes to remind me again

FAITH

is calling far back to me

I'm gone from the atmosphere

I'M ESCAPING THE AIR
DRILLING THE NAIL
INTO A SURFACE OF SANITY
BURIED AGAIN
I HATE WHO I AM
YOU REMIND ME OF IT
I'M FOULED AND BEAT

-----------------------

Lyrics 2:

UV V.1:

CONDITIONS
DENYING
SLOWLY MY HEART IS PRYING - OUT - THE TRUTH FROM YOU

DECISIONS
CONDONING
I SEE THAT ALL MY LOATHING - NOW - CONSUMED YOU TOO

Sail away
(Into the past) x2

ULTRA-VIOLET TECH
EVERYTHING'S REVEALED
INSIDE THIS BLACK HOLE
THE WHITE HEART CAN FINALLY HEAL

-----------------------

Lyrics 3 [Heavily in-progress currently]:

Tearing Through Time (Chronic Flight):

Verse 1: DESTROY WHAT YOU DEFY
MISSING PLEASURE SERVES YOU RIGHT
CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE WAITING TO DIE?!

WOUNDED HEARTS FALL TO THE TOMB
STEP ASIDE AND HEAR THE TRUTH
I'M WAITING FOR A NEWCOMING DIVINE

Chorus:

Tearing through time
Fly along, memories
Flowing through minds
Souls down to save me
Killing the kind
It's finally here
The creature is out until the end of me

Push me aside
They'll suffer like me
Cold and defied
I'll come back to thee
I prayed and I died
Trust me on this.
It's living in me

Verse 2:

TERRAIN MADE JUST FOR ME [FOR ME]
I CAN FINALLY BE FREE
I'M HATING EVERY MOMENT, THROUGH TIME

YOU WILL START FROM DOWN BENEATH
STIMULATE THE SAME OLD HEAT
AND PRAISE WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS, DENIED

Chorus:

Tearing through time
Fly along memories
Flowing through minds
No soul can save me
CELESTIAL WHINE
It's piercing through me...

What is this in me...?

Push me aside
How cold can I be?
So lost and blind
I come back to thee
Prayed and I died
I'M ASKING YOU WHY?!

It's living in me

WHY'S IT LIVING IN ME?!
IN ME!
ME!
IN ME!

Listen to reason as you cry
Rationalized the final line...
I do not want anyone to suffer like I did
The pain that, no one, ever believed...

TIME
TORN AWAY, THE EYES CAN'T SEE

ALL THE LAUGHS
ALL THE FAULTS
MY OWN THOUGHTS
[LOST] IN THEIR TAUNTS
SCREAMS FROM ME
SET ME FREE
I DON'T NEED
TO BE HEALED

TEARING - THROUGH - MINDS
FLY - ALONG - SANITY
SHOW ME A SIGN

??????????????????

I CRIED FOR HELP, WAITED FOR YOU, YOU GAVE ME NOTHING, SO I'LL BURN YOU DOWN
YOUR BELIEF IN NATURAL DOMINANCE, IS A REASON FOR ME TO FIGHT AWAY
(What is the reason we're falling away, what is so bad about unnatural complexes?)

YOU BELIEVE IN STRAIGHT LINE GUIDANCE
SO LET ME ASK YOU JUST ONE LAST THING
JUST LET ME ASK YOU
DID EVOLUTION GO WRONG?!
YOU TRIED TO FIX WHAT WAS NEVER BROKEN
YET YOU'RE CHOSEN
DID EVOLUTION GO WRONG?!

I
WILL NOT BOW DOWN
TO YOUR DECEIT
THE NEW YOUNG MIND
SOULS
HAVE FOUND A WAY
TO STOP ASCENDANCE TO THE LIGHT

-----------------------

Lyrics 4:

God Matter:

Shall thee pull astray the straight arrow out bounds
then thy god shall materialize all your wishes for disruption of the cause
Of the order, of the chaos and the goals.
They lie, they sink.
They're throwing stones, at kings
And they claim it's over
My world is over...

AND NOTHING IS LEFT UNCHANGED
THE LAWS ROLE ALL OVER AGIAN
I FEEL WHAT I'VE EARNED IS SO USELESS TO ME
MY MORALS ALL REMAIN THE SAME

I VIEWED THE WORLD THROUGH A DARKER SET OF EYES X2

My lost eyes...

[long pause]

ALL REBORN SOFT-WIRED.

Verse 1:

DO WE FEEL GUILTY, KILLING, CROSSING THE LINE.
SERVING OUT OF THE PRISON, STUCK IN OUR MINDS
YOU SHALL PASS THE SWORD AWAY
FORM A NEW DECADE
SO LONG AGO WE DREAMED, WAY OUT OF OUR MINDS

And we all starved out
We lost hope in count

WE WERE ALL SOFT-WIRED TO SEE, WAY OUT OF OUR EYES.

-----------------------

Lyrics 5

Into The Forest:

Chorus:

I, RUN INTO THE FORST

SO LONG!

I RUN INSIDE, SCREAMING FOR HELP

To save my dying friend!

I, LOOK AROUND THE TREES, AND, THEY'RE GONE

MY HIDING PLACE, LOOTED OF LOVE. MY PETTY SOLITUDE

-----------------------

Lyrics 6:

Shutdown:

MY BRAIN X2

MY BRAIN SHUTS OFF DUE TO INACTION

'IT IS LONELY, I THINK I'LL KILL HIM'

REGRESSED, MY MIND BELIEVES THAT I HAVE NOTHING I POSSESS

'THERE IS SOMETHING, SO I NEED TO KILL HIM'

-----------------------

Lyrics 7:

Sweet Winds:

ENVIOUS

SWEET WINDS ARE WASTED ON THEM

I FIND THAT HOLDING
ALL MY LIFE OUT
LETS THEM FEED ON IT

TOLERANCE

IS SOMETHING I CONTEMPLATE

YOU TAKE MY LIFE
FORCE ME OUT
THIS IS WHO I AM

-----------------------

Lyrics 8:

Benevolence [Concept song]:

I am a demon spawned by god
And all of my fate's reduced to blight
Can't count the amount of sins that I have done
To save every single one

-----------------------

Lyrics 9:

ARCH ANGEL (Concept song 2):

Casual, Normal
Save us all your deviousness
Aerial, Watcher
Judges us based on viciousness

SIGHT IT ALL, MANIAC
FOLLOW YOUR BLADES INTO THE ABYSS
I'VE SEEN IT ALL, TORTURES, THE DEATH IS PART OF A NEW RELEASE
WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME...?!
(WHY DO YOU KEEP ON CHOKING ME?!)

Pre-second chorus:

YOUR PRIVACY'S A WEAPON
YOUR TRUST IS ARTIFICIAL
SWALLOW, FLAMES, OUT OF MY SOUL

I'M GULLIBLE AND CYNICAL
MY NAIVETY IS CRUCIAL
I PULL, I HEAL
I AM YOUR FEAR

-----------------------

Lyrics 10:

Imitating Basic Sanity:

Chorus:

CAN'T YOU SEE?!
I'M IMITATING BASIC SANITY
FIGHTING THE FLOOD, GIVING UP
I THINK YOU'VE SUFFERED FOR LONG ENOUGH

CAN'T WE BE?!
THOSE WHO ARE HURT AND LIVE LIKE ME?!
YET YOU IGNORE, ALL THIS TIME
THE CRY WAS SOMETHING, JUST TO TRY

I am stuck in ocean
Ending myself
Caught in the storm of my system failure
it's my flaw by design
(my flaw be DESIGN)

Glowing from violence, burning from death
malevolent arms, catch the pressure.
Is it our fault we're benign?
OUR FAULT WE'RE BEHIND?!

-----------------------

Lyrics 11:

QUIET!:

Praise the newborn
Kill the sickness
You do not know how I feel

You are searching
for approval
I'll irritate your instincts

Do not blame me
For the silence
You are just afraid to hear

Trust yourself
Enhance your mind
I'll irritate your instincts

Irritate your instincts (repeat)

-----------------------

Lyrics 12:

Sun's burning my back
I'm laying down, face down in failure
I've lost myself again

Misguided around
Gone away from dawn, lost in the search for...
myself....

lost in the failure...

Can't the heat be pushed away?
Must it way inside of me?
For so long I've waited, to let the anger, power me
(POWER ME!) X2

POWER ME

REPRESS MYSELF
SEAS OF EMOTION, STEAMING AWAY
I LET THE HOPEFUL REPRESS MYSELF
AGAIN

Under your feet I pray
Spare my life, it was a failure
I lost myself, again

-----------------------

Lyrics 13:

Completely Annihilative:

Completely annihilative
Your mind's made to sedate
I can't relieve the pain of all these that you have made

Completely annihilative
I CAN NOT BELIEVE THE PAIN YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH
THIS IS MY LAST CRY TO SCREAM THAT I HATE YOU

-----------------------

Lyrics 14:

Chorus:

We are way too ****ing lost to make these rash decisions

We are way too far behind, we can't choose a side

You claim everybody's wrong, you don't know whether you are right

We are way too ****ing lost, we'll never see a life combined.


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