Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Hatemonger
But that's not necessarily something that's exclusive to corporal punishment.
Lets say you decide not to smack your children, instead perhaps you decide to make them sit down and have a time out. Let's say the child refuses to sit down.
Do you really think that forcing a child to sit down and restraining them until they stay there is any less traumatic than a small tap on the back of the hand?
If anything I would think it was more traumatic.
I don't believe for one second that just because you choose to give your child a small slap as a last resort you're any more or less prone to traumatising a child out of being angry.
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However you feel, if you imagine that only extremes of both methods cause problems, at least extreme time-outing is not gonna leave a kids with bruises and/or broken bones.
I think many parents need to learn more about behavior in general and that for many, if they knew more, the need for discipline at all will decrease. Let me give you an example. Let's say there are two children a few years old and one bites the other. Why is one kid biting the other? It may be because he or she gets attention that way. The knee-jerk reaction of many adults will be to punish the biting child, whether by corporal punishment or a time-out, but you could actually be rewarding the child that way with attention. That's why you sometimes have children who will actively challenge their parents, even when they are well aware of the consequences. Parents who only know corporal punishment are at a loss with such kids because all they know is to hit harder.
What you can do instead is to give your attention, love and nurture to the child bitten instead of focusing on the biter. The biter gets attention/rewarded whenever he or she shows the behaviour you want. So you have to be careful with childrens motivation and what behaviors you are reinforcing. I'm not saying this is what you always do when children bite - you need to know the context - but just to show there are alternative ways one can handle things which may give better results and that parents should learn them.
I am not saying I'm an expert on this and neither am I a parent. The experience I do have so far comes from working in a kindergarden and learning some from a family member who with a specialized education in children and behavior. Me and my wife are currently planning children and I'm dedicated to learning more on the subject and will definetly read up on parenting and perhaps get some courses when the time comes.
How we raise our children is perpetuated by our children. Every day you're around little kids, you're teaching them how to behave as an adult. A lot of people don't appreciate the importance and the responsibility that comes with that.