Guybrush

However you feel, if you imagine that only extremes of both methods cause problems, at least extreme time-outing is not gonna leave a kids with bruises and/or broken bones.

I think many parents need to learn more about behavior in general and that for many, if they knew more, the need for discipline at all will decrease. Let me give you an example. Let's say there are two children a few years old and one bites the other. Why is one kid biting the other? It may be because he or she gets attention that way. The knee-jerk reaction of many adults will be to punish the biting child, whether by corporal punishment or a time-out, but you could actually be rewarding the child that way with attention. That's why you sometimes have children who will actively challenge their parents, even when they are well aware of the consequences. Parents who only know corporal punishment are at a loss with such kids because all they know is to hit harder.

What you can do instead is to give your attention, love and nurture to the child bitten instead of focusing on the biter. The biter gets attention/rewarded whenever he or she shows the behaviour you want. So you have to be careful with childrens motivation and what behaviors you are reinforcing. I'm not saying this is what you always do when children bite - you need to know the context - but just to show there are alternative ways one can handle things which may give better results and that parents should learn them.

I am not saying I'm an expert on this and neither am I a parent. The experience I do have so far comes from working in a kindergarden and learning some from a family member who with a specialized education in children and behavior. Me and my wife are currently planning children and I'm dedicated to learning more on the subject and will definetly read up on parenting and perhaps get some courses when the time comes.

How we raise our children is perpetuated by our children. Every day you're around little kids, you're teaching them how to behave as an adult. A lot of people don't appreciate the importance and the responsibility that comes with that.

__________________
Something Completely Different

VEGANGELICA

Another thing we have in common, Liz! ...

If you are close enough to a little child who is about to harm herself in some way, then you are close enough to pick up the child, tell her no and why, and remove her from that situation. There's no reason to resort to any physical punishment.

About the video of the U.S. judge and wife striking their 16-year-old daughter with a belt, and verbally abusing her at the same time: law enforcement officers say that what he did may not be deemed criminal Texas judge beating video causing outrage - CBS News .

@ Tore: you and your spouse are going to be the best parents everrrrr!!!!!!

__________________

Urban Hat€monger ?

And if you say not to do something because it's dangerous and they go ahead and do it anyway I don't really see how moving them out of the way and saying not to do it again is really that much of a deterrent.

__________________

ribbons

I find the following to be a very good page on the topic of non-violent discipline of children. I am excerpting the section on slapping of hands, which I agree with. As Erica mentioned above, "Hands are not for hitting."

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/dis...hit-your-child

"How tempting it is to slap those daring little hands! Many parents do it without thinking, but consider the consequences. Maria Montessori, one of the earliest opponents of slapping children’s hands, believed that children’s hands are tools for exploring, an extension of the child’s natural curiosity. Slapping them sends a powerful negative message. Sensitive parents we have interviewed all agree that the hands should be off-limits for physical punishment. Research supports this idea. Psychologists studied a group of sixteen fourteen-month-olds playing with their mothers. When one group of toddlers tried to grab a forbidden object, they received a slap on the hand; the other group of toddlers did not receive physical punishment. In follow-up studies of these children seven months later, the punished babies were found to be less skilled at exploring their environment. Better to separate the child from the object or supervise his exploration and leave little hands unhurt."

ribbons

What's really crazy is that he is a family law judge who among other matters presides over child abuse cases. I'm not entirely clear as to whether or not the adult female in the video, who joins in beating the girl, is her mother - but regardless, she's just as culpable as he is. What a pathetic duo.

Guybrush

Erica, thanks for the kind words!

It is her mother. She claims to regret what she's done and has said she was emotionally dominated, coaxed and coerced into joining in the beating of her daughter which was a disciplinary family culture created by her husband.

__________________
Something Completely Different

ribbons

Thanks for the info, tore. And I would also like to commend you on your dedication to this topic. Your posts are outstanding. I wish you and your wife all the best in planning your family and it is obvious that you will be a fantastic father.

PoorOldPo

I heard somewhere recently on the radio that it is now basically an accepted psychological fact that corporal punishment is bad. It leads to violent personal behavior in the future.

__________________
https://www.instagram.com/hennas.lullaby/

Urban Hat€monger ?

So let me get this right

Giving a child a slap on the hand as a last resort (IE less than a few times throughout their entire childhood) = bad

Using children as lab rats and repeatedly smacking them over a 7 month period so it supports your argument = fine

OK then.

__________________

ribbons

You're right. I should not have used it to support my argument, as I don't condone the method of slapping the children's hands in the study mentioned in the quote. That was a dumb move on my part. I am not an especially good debater, so I think it best to leave things to the expert debaters on this thread.