Quote:
Originally Posted by appleghost
Pretty straight forward, but I like it.
I especially like the lines:
"The way they can take...
This beautiful concept...
And make it a deathtrap."
They create a brutal contrast, and paints images in my head (not very peaceful images, though).
Personally, I would have written it more like this:
"The way this beautiful concept
becomes a deathtrap"
...or something like that. It creates a more dramatic and drastic change of mood. But that's just my thoughts.
Other than that, the only thing I can comment is that it's, as said before, pretty straight forward. I would personally like a text about religion without using the words "God", "Holy warfare" and such.
But again, that's just my opinion.
I'll read more of your lyrics soon.
Sorry for not commenting earlier, I've been very stressed out lately  |
It was meant to be blunt, but maybe not so much so as it is. But w/e.
Lol. Those might be the only good lines in that one. I might take those lines and do something else with them, now that I think of it.
And I actually had it written something like that in the first place, and I like it better how it is now. Not trying to shoot down your idea... just saying.
It is straight-forward, but it doesn't bother me much. I said what I wanted to say. And I do have some lyrics in here that talk about God without being so blunt, such as... well...
"God?"
No need to apologize. I'm just glad that you stopped by and had a look.
Keep writing, buddy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rangeroad15
wow man put up some music behind this stuff and i think you would have a chance at something here, Im not a fan of what i think this music is. But i do like how much work goes into your songs
|
I actually have music written (though not recorded) for 3 or 4 of my lyrics. It's only guitar for the most part, but some of them have other instruments as well... like
"Mushroom", which has a harmonica intro and outro. So there is music for these, even if it only exists in my head. I wanna record, but I wanna do it right, and since I don't have the money to get good equipment, it's not gonna happen right now.
And what exactly do you think this music is? lol. Sometimes I'm not even sure.
Not to brag, but alot of what I write comes naturally... not a hell of alot of work goes into it.