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07-16-2010, 05:10 PM
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#111 (permalink) |
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The Omniscient
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Reno, Nevada, USA
Posts: 998
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I got something. It's not that great, but atleast it's something. Not sure if they're both verses or a verse and a chorus yet.
Bitch slapping her heart And French kissing your pleasures Your lives, a castle of infinity Burned down by physical obscenities If you could see yourself Through all the red and black You'd try to save yourself And you'd never look back
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Last edited by Sljslj; 07-17-2010 at 09:38 PM. |
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07-24-2010, 11:49 PM
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#113 (permalink) |
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The Omniscient
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Reno, Nevada, USA
Posts: 998
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What continues to hold me here?
I will leave, that’s what I’ve said But after I’m done running the truth still lies near What continues to hold me here? Maybe it’s my feet, maybe my head Conscience driven by delusion and fear
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07-29-2010, 10:22 PM
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#114 (permalink) |
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The Omniscient
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Reno, Nevada, USA
Posts: 998
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LEECHES
VERSE 1: If you were alive You would reject this disease You’d fight with everything Fight with everything you’ve got CHORUS: Something need be done Before these leeches run All along the surface Dig into your skin To steal this blood That is not yours alone
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07-30-2010, 04:38 PM
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#116 (permalink) | |
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Still Crazy Nutso!
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California, USA
Posts: 148
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08-02-2010, 10:09 PM
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#118 (permalink) | |
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Still Crazy Nutso!
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California, USA
Posts: 148
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08-09-2010, 05:04 AM
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#119 (permalink) |
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The Omniscient
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Reno, Nevada, USA
Posts: 998
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Another few lines that I can't make go anywhere. UGH!!
Today is the day… Again But it won’t be the same… Descend Boy, you better believe me, I’m coming for you And I’ll hit you a thousand times before… You hit the floor You don’t believe me ‘cause you haven’t a clue Of what I’m capable, of what I’ve done And I’m coming for you
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08-09-2010, 11:48 AM
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#120 (permalink) | ||
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Facilitator
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Where people kill 30 million pigs per year
Posts: 2,014
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I like the "you haven't a clue of what I'm capable of, of what I've done," but I felt the "hit you a thousand times" sounds too made-up, too theatrical to me. If this is a revenge song, then I recommend making it is realistic as you can, because that will make it creepier. You say "I'm coming for you" twice, once in a verse (?) and once in the chorus (?). Have you considered just using it in one but not both of those locations, so that it sounds more ominous? When you repeat "I'm coming for you, I'm coming for you" it starts to sound to me like all talk and no action.
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